you had too many drinks that night,
and she was wearing a dress,
so you thought, "she's a ****," right?
because you label women as:
what they wear is what they are, right?
you tried to woo her countless times,
but she still said no,
and you thought she was playing with you.
you thought, just because she was wasted,
that means she's ***** and wants to ****.
she was an innocent girl.
all she wanted was to have fun,
but you ruined that for her.
even after she pushed you off,
and smacked you in the face,
and called you every swear word,
you thought she wanted you.
she cried for help,
but the music was too high,
and everyone was too drunk,
and they all thought she wanted it too.
and that makes me sick.
because she didn't want it,
she wanted a place to let loose.
she didn't want it,
she just wanted some fun.
a couple of beers,
a couple of cheers,
then she'd go off with her friends.
but you've formed her into a woman,
a woman who screams in her sleep,
who locks all the doors,
who jumps at every bump in the night.
you've done that to her,
and you don't even feel sorry.
you thought she was an animal,
just a play toy.
but she was so much more.
and after she stopped weeping,
you tried to kiss her again,
but she pushed you away,
you got angry with her.
you shook her and smacked her,
you beat her black and blue.
don't lie to me, i know you want me.
i know you want me.
I KNOW YOU WANT ME.
and she screamed,
even if you hurt her.
she screamed and screamed,
even when you broke her jaw.
she shrieked.
she cried.
she never wanted you.
a week later i was walking home,
and coincidentally i looked up,
and on top of the building was a figure.
there was a goddess up there,
black and blue from a beating,
but still beautiful.
her sobs floated from her mouth,
down to the streets,
but no one bothered to listen.
but i did.
and i went up there,
and brought her down,
and hugged her.
she flinched and squirmed,
because some **** had ruined her.
some ******* poisoned her thoughts,
making her believe every guy is the same.
every guy she has ever loved or trusted,
became another trespasser.
she couldn't even look her father in the eye.
but she broke down before me,
revealing herself in blood in tears,
painting me a story that made me sick.
she cried for hours on that roof,
curled up in front of me,
begging me to let her die,
but i refused.
i saved her life,
and i hope no one saves yours for when karma comes around.

In a world of zombified teens so loaded up on antidepressants,
anti-anxiety and anti things-
it must be asked.

Did that boy who jumped off the bridge just last week,
leap in an attempt to grow wings?
Maybe he did it just to see if he'd be scared?
Or perhaps.  
He felt just too much to live
with the numbness his medication offered
He was never looking for
A temporary solution to his pain.

What about that darling girl who's arms and thighs are
In a love affair
With an abusive razor?
Does she stay with him for fear of going back,
Again and again,
only to be called weak for leaving in the first place?
Or for the fear that she'll
Never
Feel the same exhilaration
From another's kiss?

The last question of tonight.
How is it that I am just noticing now,
How carefully he avoids the word
Home
Almost as if he knows the place
I grew up in
Will never be a home again.
Not to me.
Does he know,
It represents
Nothing but a return to the front line?
Just like being ****** back into the trenches
A still wounded soldier.
Nothing but a band-aid
Covering what once
Was a gaping bullet hole.

She still feels his hands on her.
They sound as loud as a grenade in her head
The slap of his hand traumatizing as an atom bomb,
She reaches for her lover,
Hoping he can distract her from the battle
All while
Neglecting
To acknowledge he brings with him
His own
War.

They all stand at his funeral
Holding hands and saying a prayer.
Hoping,
Praying,
He grew his wings.
Nobody understood
What could have led him
To choose the pain of
A jump
Over
The silence of a pill
Or the speed of a bullet.
Most of all though,
His mother just wants to know
Why he didn't tell her he needed to be held.

We all have our demons,
Skeletons in the closet.
What people don't realize is
Wars are fought every day
The trenches lie
Not in Dead-Mans Land
but
Inside our heads.

Beauty meant power
The princess has a King, who lead wars and conquered kingdoms, wrapped around her fingers
A prince, who slay mighty dragons and beasts, fall onto her feet
So when did beauty become a weakness?

Beauty meant safe
Moats and towers kept her from plain sight
Dwarfs and talking animals always run for her defense
So when did beauty become a threat?

When Beauty touches unholy ground
The dead goes up their graves
At the scent of beauty, not of brain

The darkness hid their rotten flesh
Her naivety masked their stench
Because in her eyes, they’re all the same
For they call her “Beauty”.

Their ***** nails dug to her flawless cheek
Making scars that could never heal
The lips that once called her “Beauty” burned like coals on her flesh
They grip her hair and drag her around, leaving a trail of ******’s blood

As the moon become hidden by clouds
The dead just left her on the ground
She screamed for help yet no one came
Because her face just wasn’t the same

For every rustling of the trees
And every blow of the wind
The fear inside her grew
That the dead will be back
But as the days passed by
They never did

Because she was no longer “Beauty”
And she was no longer wanted
She had no power
She was weak
She was unarmed
But she was no longer beautiful
She was safe

Dear friend, please come with me
And we will turn your chaos to beauty
In a place so far from here
Even in pure darkness we know no fear
A land where scarred birds fly
And once before they fell
But just like you and i,
They fought for their wings in hell

the clock is ticking off  one painful thousandth of a second at a time
i feel like alice chasing the rabbit
except you are the hole i'm falling through
if only time could stop
if only i could drop
the needle that you are
my drug
if only indulging
in hallucinogenic substances
would make it stop
the pain of you
the pain that's you
if only i could drop
the clock
and break it.
stupid alice, it's not a rabbit you're chasing
it's a maggot
and it's eating you
i
n
s
i
d
e
out

we used to go back to your place at night
and stand by the window, watching
as the sky turned
blueblackpurple
a real rainbow
the stars exploding
and cows hopping

when the clock struck midnight but we
were simply background characters,
the story did not depend on
us.

back when the train never stopped
and we never stopped

and we would drive fast cars
draw on walls
beat the pavement with our feet as
we ran
royalty of the night
our crowns made of street lamps.

when the midnight wolves howled
and the midnight children howled
we stomped our feet and howled
like the animals we were

and it was beautiful
and we were beautiful

our bodies made of light


but now the magic is over
the illusion that we could ever be
more than we were
is gone

our bodies return
to the way they were
before

cold
hungry
our bones return to dust


sorry darling but
we are no longer
in wonderland

Fall in love with a dreamer and he'll make you a cup of coffee. He'll promise to read you books through the night and love, he will hold you tight. With the windows open, the two of you shall gaze at the stars. Listening to each other's future, he will hum you a song with a moonlight from afar.

Fall in love with a poet and he'll make you his poem. He'll weave your favorite letters as he soothes your soul. He will bury himself in your lines as he reads your fears. He'll share laughters with you and will add no grief. With a story marked, he'll make your love a history. And darling, his musings will be sang as you live through.

Fall in love with an adventurer and he'll take you to your fantasies. He will take you on roadtrips, on places you wondered to see. While your song plays loud on the radio, the two of you shall be young in time. You are free to live, to shout 'till your breath is gone. Losing in wonders with him has never been this fun.

And when you fall in love with all of these, you shall fall in love with your world. You shall live in your mind. You will be trapped in your fantasy. Your wonderland.