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  Mar 2021 J
abby
i lash out at anyone deserving,
i love way too hard,
this illness is so unnerving,
and i feel like i’m breaking into shards,
i know i can’t handle this,
i know i won’t last much longer,
i’ll stay as long as i can if time permits,
i’ll try to make it farther.
J Mar 2021
They cloud things
like judgment
like thoughts
like the sky.
Bright against muted galaxies
a moth to the silver flames of hell you go.
They brush hardened branched fingertips against your skin
and blame you for the thorns they leave in love's wake.
you are damaged, and that will forever be YOUR fault
because why would they hurt you?
They're there to guide, aren't they?
Alone in the night, they don't make you feel any safer
Watching,
waiting,
predator to meek prey.
They swear sanctuary
They morph to a true shape
Long, dark beings
lunging towards you with
bridged legs and
hooded eyes
crooked smiles they feel are attractive.
You would think that strength means protection
A beam of light in the dark should mean hope
In the Upside Down,
you're not enough to keep yourself warm.
STOP.
Stop and let me go and I won't tell anyone!
But it doesn't matter
he doesn't mind,
because no one can hear you scream
if his hands are down your throat.
we are alone in the dark,
and yet not.
Trust nothing, not even the sun.
They deserve some sort of prize, right?
I mean you owe them.
Pay toll to the streetlights.
Credit to my friend Kaitlyn, who gave me the idea of streetlights being compared to men during one of our late-night talking sessions. See, we talk before bed most days, and it seems that talking on school nights takes us longer for the simple fact that sleep doesn't come to me when I want it, and sleep doesn't come to her either.
J Mar 2021
all these people and their
"it's easy to sleep, ***"
I'm up at six
with four things of Capri suns.
people sleeping and their
"My dreams are so fun!!"
I'm never sleeping,
I'm thinking of shotguns.
waking up pretty and their
"put your hair up in a bun!"
I'm busy trying to make my own source of income.
petty people with their
"*** jiggle" (yeah, that's ***)
I'm thinking Russian roulette would be my fun
maybe lyrics for a song one day or something to delete later when I realize how stupid it sounds
  Mar 2021 J
South by Southwest
I come to paint rainbows
upon your heart of
depression . . .

To turn your lips into emerald coast isles

Where light bleaches away the dark
and purifies the sand between your souls

Let me caress new feathers
of flight
that provides the freedom to soar in the winds from
distant shores

Where every breath is
a possibility of dreams come true

Bright yellows and greens
Orange and teals
As you walk the edge
between red and blue
and bleed royal purple
for those to see
who always weighed
their anchors of doubt
in your sea of despair
J Mar 2021
my hair will not spit sparks if you brush it
it will cling onto your hands
the brush
your shirt and shorts
the ones that ride up against your thigh
my hair will not curl lovingly around your fingers
it will grab onto anything put through it
it will keep you here
a part of me forever, the way it should be
my hair will not remind you of flames
but maybe of a lion
though easily tamed is it when
it's sprawled across your lap
your nails gingerly scratching my scalp
no
my hair will not cascade down my back
ever so gracefully masking the scars from my past
teasing you in its waves
it will claw against my spine, it will dare you to draw near
my hair will not remind you of an ocean
spread out so perfectly as I run,
molding against a perfect sunset
it will be a beast, sneering at you
luring you closer, begging to be chased
it will make you its prey
no
my hair will not be brushed out
my favorite knot will be entertainment,
lack of motivation in its calligraphy,
you see it as a cry for help,
it is my declaration of power.
my hair will not spit sparks when you brush it.
it will be the forest and flames all in one,
and when you're choking on the smoke,
you'll remember that hair is power.
to touch it is to drain it.
so
I empty all
into your talons
because my hair will remind you of a monster
and your breath will be its leash.
hm.
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