I took one look
and my breath
left my body
you were mesmerizing
in your little black dress
I felt my head actually swoon
when I saw you dancing under the moon.
You didn't see me looking at you
I was relieved of that fact
had you noticed me staring
I wouldn't have known
how to act.
When you twirled
the light caught the blue hem
imagine my surprised that
it twinkled like stars
mirroring your eyes.
No other woman
matched your perfection
your smile, those lips
and that perfect complexion.
The wedding was beautiful
but all that aside
I'll share with you a secret:
you were more radiant
than even the bride.

Without you
My soul lies
An inner
Pompeii
Frozen
In time
Mounds
And
Mounds
Of  fallen
Ash and
Century old
Magma
Weigh
Down
Inside me
What
Could have
Been
Should have
Been
Would have
Been
Alive and
Thriving
A volcano
Of love
Our volcano
Erupting
From us
Molting
Pleasure
Our very own
Carnal Pompeii.
So come back
To me
Bury me
With the
Contents
Of your core
Be my
Vesuvius
And leave me
Nevermore!

A woman with 2 jugs
and 7 stars
twinkle, twinkle
there you are.
Pouring out upon
the land blessings
and nourishment
held in one hand.
Seven stars
above your head
chakras
of the
crown
third eye
throat
heart
solar plexus
sacred
and root
points in your body
that run down your spine
Spinning wheels of energy
knowledge
almost as old as time
The bird overwatches
The holy ibis of thought
If you happen to receive
the Star card
chances are it's a sign
Inspiration
Imagination
Renewed hope
and faith.
Optimistic outlook
upon the your
very state
It's a positive
sign things are
changing and a sense
of healing is soon
on it's way.
The stars are already
yours so breath into them
and claim your
renewal of spirit today.

someday...
I'm going to stop
adoring you
long enough to see
that you don't care.

someday...
I'll stop admiring
your pictures
with a wide eyed drool
and realize
you're talking about me
behind my back
and treating me like fool.

someday...
I muster up
enough self-respect
to see that I'm loving you
and you're laughing at me.

with each word I say to you
I feel myself being taken
down by the undertow
below the boggy mire
as I struggled to say
just the right thing
I find myself sinking
trapped knowing inevitably
I'm helpless as each word
provides more of a struggle
into the quicksand
of our broken love

I woke up.
You were there
I was here
But I felt you
My lips against
Your raven hair.

I woke up.
I laid in bed
All alone,
Thoughts of you
Permeate me
To the bone

I woke up.
My body aches
To feel your touch
There's no words
To say the way
I love you so much.

I woke up.
Knowing
I'd be there
With you soon
Just you and me
In your room.

I woke up.
Loving you
The way I do
Every day,
In every way,
Like I do.

your silhouette
bleeds
a background
of tears
inside me and
flowing out
of me the
pain of ages
held in rages
my soul in cages

your handprint
touchless
yet pushes me
to the
breaking point
like stapled glass
no true fix
for the pieces
you've left me in
broken child
meek and mild
none the wild

your empty boot
doc martens
though maybe
endlessly
crushes me
my will ground
under such
an empty
sole as you
what shall I do
but wait
for
the other boot
to drop
imprint lies
self despies
no big surprise

why can't I see
you are
what I have
built you to be
an empty form
an ink-less print
a weightless step
all kept alive by me
fake anatomy

my constant
companion
from day to day.
You might think
it does but
it never really
goes away.
It gets quieter,
It gets slower,
but eventually
it will always
come rushing back
like the sea
crashing into
the shore.
I have to ask
myself
are happy endings
merely folk lore?

I close my eyes
and remember.
my face wet with
salty tears
that sting.
Grief
Loss
I find myself wishing
memories of you and I
would make me smile
not cry with the
happiness it would
bring.

The simple truth
is I miss us,
you and me
the walks in the park
the laughter,
the children playing.
Yes, our times
together
always made me
feel so free.

My Anxiety is a lion with a mane of barbed wire
and claws made of rusty nails. It is always around
when I try and fail.

My anxiety is a full, week old garbage bin. It stinks
when it's around and stops me from succeeding
again and again.

My anxiety is a blanket someone took off my bed,
threw in the floor and didn't fold. It keeps me
from being proactive courageous and bold.

My anxiety is a choke-hold under water with my
friends waving goodbye from the shore, I try to
swim but sink into the boggy moor.

My anxiety is a pirate ship sailing on the water and
I've got a target on my back making me perfect
cannon fodder.

My anxiety is a demon that haunts me day and night,
I hope and pray someday I will finally be alright.

I move through my days
no method in my motion
aimlessly drifting
my life, only
chaos and commotion.
when you left
I lost my north star
my path is askew
I am dying inside
and I don't know
what to do.

The nights are the worst
I lie in my bed
grasping my pillow
stroking it as if it
were your head
all
tangled in sheets
that should be our
hands and feet
just praying I'll
dream of us
once it becomes dusk.

It seems at night
time goes by fast
dreams of us together
never seems to last.
Before you know it
the day starts and then
I begin to miss you
all over again.

I will never know what
it feels like to be
a proud black woman.
   >>>BUT<<<
I will never
pretend like I do.
I have lived
62 years
In this country
and I have seen
Racism,
******,
And
Genocide
And it breaks
my heart and makes me
feel sick inside.

I will never know what
it feels like to be
a proud black woman.
who's turned down for a job
because of the color
of their skin.
But there are roughly
1.3 billion people
in the world who do.
I can see there's
something wrong
with that, can you?

I will never know what
It feels like to be
a proud black woman.
accused of breaking the law
just for Walking
down the street at night
Or have everything
in my life
be a constant struggle
and fight.

No, I will never know.
But I'll tell you
Right here and now,
I will never let the
color of someone's skin
Lead me to prejudge
what they are like
---->within<-----

I always seem
to be on the edge
sharp blade,
shard of glass,
cliff's ledge.

There's no place
to grab on
no path or foothold
should I choose
to make any move,
to be so bold.

Edges
are an odd thing
one can
plummet wildly
or spread
your wings.

I close my eyes
and feel the choice
am I in danger?
am I overjoyed?
Hanging haphazardly?
Or delicately poised.

The amount of balance
is mine to determine
am I teetering on disaster?
or leaning forward to fly?
One things for certain
I won't know unless I try.

Look at me
body splayed
edges frayed
nerves shot
broken girl
in utter dismay

where's my parade?
my band of trumpets
my banners and balloons
my celebration of me
instead all that i am
is totally strewn

the tarot cards fall
before me
i am the hanged man
powerless,
sacrificed,
tested,
Face against the sky.
nothing left to do
but let out
my painful cries

it was supposed to be
different
marching to my own
drummer
to the rhythm of
my own beat
but I lost it all
when she left
all I can do now is
admit defeat.

You are my poetry
and every word I know.
I can write sonnets
about how your lips
speak to my soul,
and I always seem to
carry you inside me
wherever I go.

You are my poetry
lyrical caresses
in my mind.
word spoken
and unspoken,
both horrible
and kind.

You are my poetry
hearts and stars
behind my eyes.
loving you so deeply
took me by surprise.

You are my poetry
pentameters,
verbal description
in panoramic
caricatures.

You are my poetry
because words mean
everything.
you warm me
in the summer,
and renew me
in the spring.

You are my poetry.
loose leaf pages
in the wind.
our beginning,
and alas,
until our bitter end.

You are my poetry.
how more may I describe?
You feed me
and nurture me
and make me
feel alive.

NO exact
measurement
will do
because
my Poetry is truly
immeasurable
sometimes
heartbreaking
other times
pleasurable.

You definitely
    want to
Start with passion
mix it with loss
a dash of pain
from her deceit
        with
a pinch or two
of how
I paid the cost.

Blend in tears
we wouldn't want
it to be
       D R Y
toss that together
with all the
hundreds
of Times I asked
her WHY?!?

Poetry needs to sit
i n s i d e  and Rise.
each new batch is a
Learning experience
and bound to make
You W I S E

The crowd
pushes in on me
from side to side
people I never
wanted to know
preferred to ignore
because there is
only you I am
waiting for.

You were always
the life
of the party
and even though
the musical din
bangs on and on
I hear nothing
I feel nothing
I  am left
all alone.

I keep wishing
these people
would dispurse
because being
surrounded
yet alone
without you
is definitely
the worst.

I want to wrap
loneliness
around me
like a blanket
because
now I see
that you're not
coming
back to me
so
there's only
silence now
there's no more
poetry.

The days are the worse.
each minute
hardly passing by
slow agony
the clock, my enemy
I am the hanged man
****** stumps
limbs that have become
tree trunks
planted in this bed
eyes boring holes
in the wall
where your picture hangs
loneliness
broken legs that cannot move
unable to flee or fight
just lay in the days dirt
throughout the night.

nights. my only reprieve
waiting, hoping for sleep
to come and capture me
to sleep and dream of us
holding hands in the park
watching the children play
happy again if only
for a moment
you kiss me and I smile
into the beauty that is you
the sun that you are
warming me
is really all
I could ever need.

The day comes again
like a monster
devouring my life
the one
we were supposed to have
should have had
before you disappeared
I lie in this bed
that has become a tomb
covered by the rubble
of what once was.
no sunshine
no laughter
endless time, now spent
without what you said
would be our endless love.

You left
and the **** sun
kept shining

You left
and it was
horrible timing

You left
with ice
in your veins

You left
and I went
completely insane

You left
and the days
kept on coming

You left
and I felt
like a dummy

You left
because you stopped
loving me

You left
because you
wanted to be free

You left
and the rain
still came

You left
and the clouds
rolled away

You left
and I didn't
know what to do

You left
there was no
rhyme or reason
no realization
no break through

I can't stand the rain
against the roof
tapping out the tune
of my failures of the past
reminding me how you promised
our love would last

I can't stand the birds
how their shrill voices unite
in a high pitched mocking laugh
reminding me of the lonliness,
now my daily path.

I can't stand the river
the bubbling brook
the sounds of life without you
remind me that I have nothing
no happy times left
because of everything you took

the sights and sounds
where the nightlife abounds
a thousand people screaming
"just one more round!"

the drunks, the punks
the pushers and their drugs
the crooks and the thugs
all part of the nightlife
they all creep out after twilight.

All of this when the city sleeps
with the crime and the grime
it's enough to make you weep as
you wade through it knee deep.

but like a promise morning
always comes, the sun shines
flowers bloom and children play
because in the city it's just
another day.

Dust coats a globe
long left un-spinned
thick lairs of neglect
mirrored also within.

High on a shelf
surrounded by books
I can spot Türkiye
with only a quick look.

She is there, yanno,
she who holds my
heart in her hands
6000 miles away in
a whole different land.

As I dust off the layer
of neglect I think back
to how it felt to kiss
her neck.

I close my eyes and give
it a spin to make sure
it still works (and take
my mind of how I was
such a ****.)

Like the globe I didn't
take the best care of
her. I didn't listen
to what it was she
preferred.

Now, I'm here with my
books, my quills and
my dusty, barely
spinning worlds. Alone
writing bad poetry and
missing that special
girl.

I loved you
but I didn't know
how to show it
I always seem
to blow it.

I loved you
such patience
and trust
but as usual
I was too much.

I loved you
your soft
sweet voice
but I pushed
so hard you really
had no choice.

I loved you
but I didn't
pay attention
to where we
were heading
and it was finally
the straw the
camel was dreading.

I loved you
but I didn't listen
now I'm all alone
and it's you
that I'm missing.

Always it's you
Beneath my skin
Catching my breath
Detouring my mind
Even when I try to
Fight impulses I still
Give in to you
Happily because
I love you and not
Just your **** smile
Keeps me entranced
Lord no! There's much
More about you!
Nonstop wit and
Overflowing charm
Power wielded over me
Quickly disarming
Really any and all
Sense of personal
Trepidation my soul may
Undertake in a final
Valiant effort to try to
Weakly resist your
Xenial nurturing way
You still pull me in
Zapping my last bit of will

My sin,
to miss the mark
in life.
as above, so below.
I effect, my own
final outcome.
living daily
in a tomb
self made
needing
the cup
to renew,
to refresh,
but
only attacking
my problems
with
a sword of air,
thinking it sharp
a deceit,
a manipulation,
false words,
promises
that never come.
pretty pink
lips
to needy ears.
a false manifestation
of words unspoken,
merely hoped for
in denial of truth.
The magician
although powerful
influences with
misdirection.
I seek the earth
below my feet
pentacles of sand
dissolve
with every step.
I discover
I cannot walk
only fall.
A quest
for the truth
limping through
life
in hopes of
finding fire,
the wand breaks
beneath the strain.
laden with
unfulfilled
plans
desires
dreams
her broken oath
to love
The magician lies.

My anxious attachment
is a carnivorous beast
with sharp biting mind talk
eater of my relationships
it makes it's feast

I try to self sooth
to self regulate
But I can't get past
my doubts, inner monologues
and constant debates.

She says she loves me
And to trust her
I doubt every word she speaks
The status of our relationship
is beginning to look bleak

No matter how hard I try
I remain insecure
I can't stop self sabotaging
I create my own reality
Because I create my own causality

She said she's becoming overwhelmed
But I don't know what to do
To stop this mental *****
All the things I put her through

I don't know how to help myself
I need to end this strife
this constant need for dopamine
Is ruining my life