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501 · Jan 2012
Number One
Rose Jan 2012
It’s been quite some time
Thin pale face staring back into mine
Skin is smooth
Eyelashes move
Thoughtless force
Like blades of grass
Hugging the hill of the horizon
Flutter into the wind

And behind
Bursting and sinking
Like that of your eyes
Greens and yellows
The suns red blood vessels
Blinding me momentarily

I’ll see you again after the dark
Friday, August 19th, 2011 at 3:50 am
Rose Jan 2015
for a few hours
i sat in front of the fire
and watched wood pellets burn
i came to when the dryer was done with its cycle
if i'd never heard the squirrels burrowing
if i'd forgotten about the cold,
about the bitterness,
about the hollow shell i'm in,
my mind could be sunbathing
permanently
494 · Jan 2012
Number One II
Rose Jan 2012
The emotions evoked in me
Are nothing short of extraordinary
Revolutionary drug
You supply to me

Whisper through a bottle of wine
Sun takes the color of your eyes
And I am merely a product
Of your hand on mine

Lips shake at the sound of my name
Dancing over your tongue,
Drenching me in a melody
I've neither heard nor sung

Here we are,
And one by one,
You swallow my words of quivering
Sincerity, one by one.
Rose May 2015
Grab my face,
Turn me away from the light
"Ten more minutes.
They're coming
I promise,
Just stay awake please."
You beg as crimson seems to
Cover the night

I am walking, wearing
A pink dress with ribbons
Blonde hair striped with
Milk and honey
Blushing rose cheeks and you
Are laughing
In your suit with
A yellow bow tie
And your teeth are so white
There's a man with brow sweat
And a face like a pig
Illuminated
By street light
I'll never forget this

Purple blue blood
Taking over my dress
Momma's gonna be so upset
So upset
468 · Feb 2015
V-Day Song
Rose Feb 2015
I've got a song in my head
I'll sing it out loud for you
It goes like this
Well a la-da-dee-da
It goes like this for you

But I stand
I shiver
I fall
Lips quiver
In love with you
And you didn't even have to try that hard all along

So if there comes a day when you're wanting me
Know that I'll never be free
Free from your arms that entangle me
Know that I'll never be free

I stand
Shiver
My stained
Lips quiver
I'm in love with you and you didn't even have to try that hard all along
467 · Apr 2017
Who are you, I love you
Rose Apr 2017
When I feel wet
Tight skin tight ponytail so tight
My face is Alien esque
I go underneath the covers and I
Go
Some place else
...
My palms pressed against the furry fleece blanket and I'm in touch with another dimension
I feel his hands against mine
I know I'm his
And he is mine
I've broken a breach with reality
And I am somewhere else
.
The only place that matters
The arms of someone else
Rose Mar 2015
i remember the dream, it was
the heart of summer's heat
stars played across the sky
you pulled a rifle from your
grandfather's cabinet
and shot your ex in the chest

i still wish that was real life
a dining room table and a swing set
wood paneled parlor and a king bed
two hearts dancing in the kitchen,
the world in their hands at last
459 · Nov 2016
In the blink of an eye
Rose Nov 2016
I feel like the color of
A post super moon sky
Like the last of the leaves on the wet,
Cold November tree
Hanging on for dear life
Like the flame that's too shy to really ignite
But breaks up the dark,
Grey dismal sky
Flashes of drowned out orange
Thrashing around
The post super moon sky

Poke at charred logs
Sparks lift and fall
With each gust of breath I blow
In the blink of an eye
Fire ignites
Warming my homeless bones
453 · Feb 2015
Sense of Self-ishness
Rose Feb 2015
This ***** got me digging a hole
Big enough to fit 10,000 souls
Which is exactly how many
I plan to take
Aw hell, what's one more,
for bad lucks sake
Ya'll can sit in here with me
Wallow in self pity

And in the dark dark night
Not even you can see the days light
Nothing touches us down here
Has Taylor Swift trademarked any of these phrases yet?
449 · Nov 2011
I Hope You
Rose Nov 2011
I suppose I’ll stand
With smiles and plans, shouting in my head
"I'm here, I'm here
Don’t forget, can’t you hear?"
You treat me like a child
Playing with his friends
You don’t want me, till you see me
In some other mans hands
Well, I suppose I’ll wait
Entertain myself
With a variety of mistakes
But I'm still here,
Can’t you hear?

I hope you reach to take a bite off my fulfilling plate
I hope you never feel so foreign
So misplaced
438 · Mar 2016
Stages
Rose Mar 2016
Stages keep me moving

In directions

I've avoided

WELCOME signs

Towns I've never dreamed

Until I'm

Standing center stage

Guessing, staring

At my feet

Creepin dirt

Between my toes

It's time to run, I know

Twigs breakin neath my weight
Dust and dirt carry me
Heaviest cloud ever seen

I don't belong in a field full of green
Blooming bright and blooming clean
Oh baby I'm going to a

Tree top canopy

That's the place for me
Rose Apr 2016
the first time it happens
its a wound you don't let heal
it festers and poisons
your visions for life are blinded
and anyone who sees your face
can read your pain

the second time
it's much more real
you watch life wither slowly halting to an end
you pretend it ain't happening but
that's because you see it coming
and you don't know how to deal

but this this third time
i just feel guilty
because i stayed away
and let all the love offered
radiate without me

i stay strong cause i have to
i see you soaring and i know
you wouldn't want to see me wallow
rest in peace to my father, grandfather, and pop-pop, aka, my daddy's daddy, respectively.
428 · Oct 2016
Like a reconciliation?
Rose Oct 2016
It's ***** in your lap
Hot stench cooling through your denim
It's idealistic dreams smashed
Against fragile glass that
Never had a leg to stand on
It's lies and *******
Delivered to your doorstep
It's inconsistency plain to see

But I
Couldn't let go of the pain
I let your rain fall down on me
I took it in a two step stride
What kind of fool am I
To think it'd return a favor to me

But I'm
Just a dream you couldn't keep
A lie you couldn't sleep
Through the night with
Feeling guilt free

And I
Take advantage of all things that
Show interest in me

I fight
I break up
Get drunk then
I make up
With the monster that you made me

But I had to let go of the pain

Let love rain down on me

It was fun pretending but
We'll never know

Have fun in fairy land
It never really lasts
Reality gets ahold so strong

But I

Had to let go of the pain

Let love rain down on me
427 · Feb 2017
love bite
Rose Feb 2017
let's have one of those quick loves
the kind that makes you sick love
I mean sick with longing for the
beginning, middle, and end
of this dreamy card trick love

I don't expect perfection
we're both so much less than
anyway I couldn't stomach the wait
423 · Jan 2017
Petty
Rose Jan 2017
Wish my dad would visit me in my dreams
******* cartoons in Pixar movies get everything
Meanwhile we're living paycheck to bounced checks
No villains, no good guys, no adventures left
Only smeared gray sky
416 · Jul 2014
Why do we lie to each other
Rose Jul 2014
Place my hand over your stomach
Your entire torso really
Just craving some physical contact

I walked along the beach in the middle of the night
My psychosis claimed me
And I became a slave to the sand behind my feet
The current running underneath
You snored along, absently
Alcohol ate you alive
And I survived

I survived

I just want to cover each grain of sand
With a tear drop
A broken heart for all the millions that scatter the earth
I don't want to sob
I want to release
A demon that's been eating at the inside of me
And then I want to laugh
I want to run
I want to fall out of breath and collapse to the ground
I want to dig and find something so remarkable
I combust at the sight
A million pieces
Becoming the sand
Cursed

I want to be nothing like my mother
And if that offends any of my followers
I am sorry
Maybe after the 4th kid
And nearly 20 years between
You stop giving a ****
But all I know
Is I have seen
The tenderness,
The sincerity,
And most delusional moments
All radiate
From the same bright blue green eyes
Frightening, spraying spit all over my face
And sadness seeped in and devoured me
I spill tears (years) as I'm writing
I was left all over
So much hate

Sometimes when I write I try to be dishonest but
What's the point when you can hear me in the next room
I wish I was someone you were proud of
I know I'm just a recluse, but
I'll raise my baby different from you


Most times when I want to hide
It's when you're showing me the most poignant parts of me
I can hear your grandson snoring

I love his sense of sleep
403 · May 2016
acreage
Rose May 2016
sticks and stones
a world alone
made blue by my perspective
a field of mice?
well that's alright

you do know that you're bigger
... right?
403 · Mar 2016
Team
Rose Mar 2016
I feel alone
Surrounded by people
I know that's cliche but
**** it I'm saying
That life ain't same
When people don't play on
Your team or against it

I've got scars
The length of my forearm
I once felt ashamed
But now we just are.
Rose May 2016
This time
I'm right here
Awaiting but
Praying

I long to know heaven
391 · Nov 2015
Blue Poison
Rose Nov 2015
I saw you
I'm not afraid
I saw you
Living inside me
I saw you
And I'm not afraid

Blue poison
You sleep in my veins
And memories
Just memory
Drives me insane

Let me live in this place
Let me get to your face

Blue poison
Remember my name
Rose Feb 2016
People say that newborns are difficult
They don't sleep through the night
They don't eat at predetermined times
They don't communicate with words
No, a newborn won't play by your rules

A newborn can't grasp your concept of "life"
They are aware of only a need
for parental affection
They are tiny and helpless, so
Learn their feeding cues
Or notice if they just need you,
Not necessarily want the ****,
Because daddies are important too
They need your warmth, your breath, your scent

Don't be upset at a tiny babe for crying in the night
Respond to their heart wrenching cries
Which wake you from your slumber
Do it gently for their comfort is far more important
Than what ever schedule you're under

The hazy fading days blur into one another
until they're gone
and life becomes much harder
Suddenly, you've got yourself a toddler.
I realize we aren't all your generic mother/father combo, this is mostly about me reminding myself to be as patient with my toddler as I once was with my newborn. But, also, love your babies endlessly. Because every day they are growing and developing their attitude and wit.
369 · Jul 2015
what good is it?
Rose Jul 2015
inhale smoke
burn on the
deep way down
shrieks outside
of a slid-
ing glass door
exhale less
hurt, more fren-
zy of mind.
yellow light,
not so kind
with my heart,
still I call.
though I fight,
no one knows
anything
you're a ray of light and I want an answer I'll never get
361 · Jan 2015
confessional
Rose Jan 2015
baby go ahead and
stick every last needle in my eye
i've been telling lies
since the first time i cried in your bed

held my hand as i sobbed
spilled wine on the rug
i'm a filthy person
in need of a hug

say i'm not that person anymore
i'd love to hear it, boy
tell me something,
how will i die?
i know not the answer
to nothin
347 · Aug 2017
New York
Rose Aug 2017
Big bug eyed and staring
A third degree burn
Doubled up &
Scratched it with sand
just to make sure the sting was real
Rose Jan 2019
If you ever think that I’m talking too much
You should just -
Bold faced, just kiss me
And make me shut up.
Be sure to make it seem that it’s -
That it’s just because you love me,
Me when I speak..
And not that you think
I’m talking too much
Rose Oct 2015
Hey, Hello
what's going on
It's been a minute
since I've said what's up
Your almighty smile
Your all-knowing face
gazing at me,
and I feel ok
I've talked to you, sure
I've pleaded my case
but it's been so long
since I've felt such grace

We disguise it as God
but it's really just us
forgiving ourselves
for the **** we have done
It's all in your perspective
the power you hold
It's in your own hands
You know this,
You know
342 · Aug 2017
I'm not afraid to live
Rose Aug 2017
I know why we do what we do
Why we lie and hide, cover our tracks so nobody knows what we're up to

But we all find out in time
It all comes out, we all cry

And still I don't want to hurt you with my truth, but now I'll tell you,
because of what you put me through

I was 2 weeks away from giving birth to our child and you were sending **** pics to strangers on the internet
(You made me feel guilty for not folding the laundry)

I was 10 days post-partum, still bleeding barley walking, giving my body to our newborn baby
and you were
Sending **** pics to strangers on the internet
(While I hosted Christmas dinner for your family)

Your excuse is you were •lonely•
(We weren't enough for you)
I was so happy and she is so beautiful but
Still we're not good enough for you

The days of nursing Emmy were all I needed to be happy
-You-
felt left out
Blamed your deep rooted issues on me
Mentally abused for 5 years, took advantage of my depressive states
Made me think my flesh and blood was better off without me

But you know what I've learned from this horrendous discovery?
Not one bit of it was my fault
And all along, I thought it was.
My daydreams of death are long gone

Thank you, God, I'm free to live.
335 · Feb 2016
I like to think so.
Rose Feb 2016
Smile at a photo
From 1989
My brother was born
Into my mothers arms
With my father smiling
Proud

Can he feel the warmth of my heart
Reaching him, all the way to heaven?
331 · Aug 2019
Navigating
Rose Aug 2019
Her fingers that are so lovely
I wish she had one more of em
Lovely like honey
Her fingers slip and slide
330 · Dec 2014
pricey
Rose Dec 2014
you can't read these
oh no you can't

while a claw foot
dances
tiptoed prances
i  just  lay  in  the tub
and the bubbles fill my lungs

with a porcelain skinned
perfect pink baby lips
puckered smile face plastered on
laughter reaches into your soul
Grips and Pulls it outside
(your soul is saturated
and  *pruning

from all the  soaking
in the tub)
you notice
somehow still intact
is the sparkle
on your finger
somehow still showing
up

**** who'd a thunk huh?

there's a blue to her
a sort of hue to her
that makes her shine more than all the rest
she hasn't got a clue in her
not a clue about her
own self she's living in
i love you baby i love you baby
its so easy to say it ain't it
i love you baby i love you baby
in reality **who's paying?
Rose Oct 2016
I stay up late
Your body tense beside me
The lightning coming off you
Makes it impossible to sleep

Then you hear me tapping
Tap tap tap tapping
Falling into my phone

"Who are you texting?"

"I'm writing a poem.
.
.
.
Leave me the **** alone."
323 · Feb 2018
blue jay
Rose Feb 2018
If you could just tell me the truth
I'd have something to work with
But
A
Lie
Is
So
Isolating
313 · Mar 2015
It's Like You
Rose Mar 2015
It's like you
Wore me as a sweater

As soon as I was
Fitting comfortably

You tore me at the seams

All it takes is
One loose thread

Pull it
Take the chance

*My only hope
Is to hang onto you
I believe in forgiveness.
Rose Dec 2014
i am the sadness
i am the hurt
i am the thickness of the ammonia
seeping out the walls
don't wanna be around it anymore
but what makes me feel best
is a little bit of yip
a little bit of puff
somethin small and hard
to slow me down
zone me in
clear me up
i don't wanna be around it anymore
*no dear you're not enough
is that what you wanted to hear?
305 · May 2015
Thanks For Raising Me
Rose May 2015
It was red when it first erupted
And red when he left it
Blue, green, yellow, and
white in between
On the side of a mountain
He blasted apart with his son
And other explosives..

He raised us and taught us
The proper way
To take care of your property
I am his youngest grandchild
That's something I will always be
Someone in his eyes
I'll always be.

It's hard when you think
no one can see you
When you're eleven
and cutting yourself
When you're puking from crying
And you hurry to turn off the lights
So the tired old man checking on you
Thinks you're asleep and well
I got so tired of talking
Of thinking I was not worth the trouble
The trouble it takes to let a child
of abuse and divorce
Cry on your shoulder
I never thought I was a guest
Always knew you were fleeting..

But I was persistent on insisting
That I was the only person existing
I am sure I was wrong about that.

I  hope you've asked Jesus to forgive me
for all the wrong I've done
All the lies I've told and
All the hell I put myself and everyone around me through
You didn't know what I was doing
up there in that room
But I wish you did
So someone could've told me "no"
Someone I'd of listened to.
But I don't blame you
I don't blame you.
this is such a rough draft but I'm not going to change it. Sorry if it is hard to read or feel the flow.

9/2/25-5/4/15
r.i.p to my amazing Grandfather.
289 · Sep 2014
Gosssssip
Rose Sep 2014
I am just me in an empty sea
Of absolutely insane women
Trying to make sense of myself
I feel so different from everybody
I spent my life thinking you were talking about me
Why did I feel this way?
I was a distant, distant, distant thought..
Sick sick *****

All I can trust is my gut
Y'all tell lies
One after another
You're just puking on each other
What's the point of family ties
286 · Oct 2016
Deep Dark Heaven
Rose Oct 2016
Your eyes like the ocean
Just not as wet
I've kept my wits about me
Till the ripping current
Washed away my liberties
Thrashed me to the shore
Left like glass
Smashed in sand
From the same stone

Glass cooled rapidly and
Not even the people were real
One thing left to feel
Deep dark heaven
286 · Sep 2014
Barely Edited
Rose Sep 2014
Sometimes I think I could get up and leave
Stand on my own two feet, just me wandering
A vision so clear, deserted wasteland
Outside a building where many strangers stay
But that's only me with a dark heavy heart
Not the woman standing before you today

I've been instilled a sense of family
Come back home before I kick your *** mentality
And sometimes I think about going back there too
Sometimes I think that a forced smile and conversation
Is better than none at all.
I can feel the couch beneath me and the tv screen screaming at me
And I can feel the shiver on my skin, breathing my cold old empty room
I don't live there anymore
These days my smiles are few and far between
But they are genuine as heaven
283 · Jul 2017
revolves around emotion
Rose Jul 2017
I'm tired of the text messages
The way you make me feel
You're angry, like I owe you something
None of that is real

I have to be strong
I can't give up on my happiness
It ***** that I've hurt you but
What can ya do?
261 · Sep 2015
Hello?
Rose Sep 2015
I should think more
More about the greatness
my father was
and made me feel
as opposed to
the absolute emptiness
when he's gone.
Spit it out
249 · Feb 2015
I Miss It
Rose Feb 2015
Who'd of figured*
Oh, me, me, me!
I offer with my hand raised
I wake from a muddy haze
And clarity returns to me
I wore a lovely veil for days
Stared ahead, rose color my gaze
All glories fade

I miss it when the lights
Well the lights, they would come on
And I was thankful
just to breathe the beauty in
Now it's like I expect this
burning bulb to do something for me
But there's nothing to be done

There's nothing to be done for me
Longing for you I realize
It's time to put out the light
239 · Jan 2016
tweenaged
Rose Jan 2016
run upstairs
and cut your arm
open deep and wide
open sweetie look inside
blood vessels spilling cries
its 2am
do you know where your kids are?
235 · Nov 2017
I'm tired of it too
Rose Nov 2017
• Hurt hurt hurt myself today •
The demons in me laughing while I too am trapped in here screaming
The only noise is inside, theirs is the only noise I'm hearing


It just stings a little
I don't make a peep
I wait for the rest of the world to go silent

Took enough to **** a couple cats but
My hands aren't strong or steady to finish the rest

I only bled a little this time
Only a little this time
I wasn't trying to die
218 · Dec 2018
Backyard BBQ
Rose Dec 2018
I climbed that tree today
“That one we loved?”
The one we’ve always been a part of
I smell charcoal grill till the squirrels come home
and see the rocks you never let me straddle

I wrote a poem today
“The words I never fathomed?”
I grew them from our seed and I babied the roots until they brought me something forthcoming

But I saw you disgusting and rotting like fall weather will do
I had hope I gave love like a summer sun subdues
Seasons are seasons and like seasons we flee
Unbecoming unknowing unpredictable seeds
Roots do flower and we can’t blame them
210 · Sep 2017
September 12th
Rose Sep 2017
Out in the woods you hear everything - your ear gravitates towards rustles in the freshly fallen leaves on top of last years fallen leaves becoming mulch for next years spring flowers.
Little birds sing above me as I've walked past the beaten path I've walked to where the blueberries have yet to be eaten and empty nests undisturbed.
I saw messages left by strangers in the dirt, rocks, and branches collapsed by storm or time.
I met Mother Nature and walked a less than epic journey home.
206 · Feb 2019
2 Become 1
Rose Feb 2019
Oh well we’re here already again huh?

Sure didn’t take you long.

Have you ever thought about how maybe there’s other people in the world maybe your life is not torn between these two guys that are kind of the same but in different ways:
maybe maybe just maybe you are the scissor and they are opposite sides of the string and all you really need is a fat ******* blade.

It’s not like the Spice Girls said at all

never was

they just did that for popularity.
“need some love like I never needed Love before”
203 · Jan 2018
hermit crab
Rose Jan 2018
i make faces at myself in the mirror and i think
"i love my wrinkles"
they add more detail to the story
i stare at myself in the mirror and embrace
"i am growing"
a delicate ******* flower
blossomed, plucked and hung to dry
no i can not turn back time
but shells left behind are still beautiful
Rose Nov 2017
So here's what i do here's what i do
I swell like the ocean
And hurl my wet waves upon you
Like its your problem cause you did this
You angered the sea and now you've got me to deal with
And it swells so pretty
Pretty like a peal kept secret for so long but now there’s 1,000
Enraged and crashing to the shore
More rare than a bead more painful than a bullet
Cause i'm not killing you by draining your blood
No i'm not kidding you by eating your young
I'm suffocatingly brackish like the curry in the kitchen
Your mothers been fetching you for
Heres what i do heres what i do
I act like torrential downpour
Like fatalities occur but in the truest of true true reality
I am ***** beneath the surface tossing and maybe drowning
And you are the house your mother is fetching for you from
I am the blood spilt from my own wrist cause it felt good to feel
It felt good to drop the act of the ocean and the salty death i’d love cast upon you
I just didn't think i was capable of harboring hate like the port destroyed at shore

If i could see
The sun’d be shining
The boats bobbing happily along
194 · Jan 2018
it will come back again
Rose Jan 2018
Resisting the urge to call you
Is a battle I can't fight
I might give up this time
And then I pick it up
My thumb opens a portal to everything
You're just a fingerprint away
Why did you have to do me so right
Why'd you do me so good?

It's 3 am
I'm remembering
the calm, your breathing
warmed beside me
Why'd you leave me one night

Are you really gone for good?
193 · Jul 2018
I’ve forgiven you
Rose Jul 2018
Maybe I think my nose is perfect
Perhaps, this whole time,
They’ve seen it is skewed.

It’s perfect to me because my
mommy and daddy made it -
I am me because of you.

Beauty to you is religious,
It follows every rule.
I let the river run;
Words flow true or untrue.
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