It's a funny thing;
The essence of survival,
Breathe a last breath
Others gave you and feel,
Try to feel
Stretch your arms out
And feel the open air.

I met a man,
And grew with him
He went were I went
And looked like me, like lines of me
His silhouette was my shadow
And I grew to fit him, like worn shoes

Somebody asked me, that day
What I'm passionate about
Survival, I suppose
But I lied, like always,
Truth found me long ago,
But when I find a little more
Like gold buried in montains of green
Of bedrock and mystery, thick-headed and sorry
My hands get weaker
My fingers slip,

Say goodbye to me, every day
It's appropriate
I'm learning something new each time I see you
And I'm becoming nebulous, cloudish
As if whispers don't fit me anymore
Nothing much does,
I'm something dark now
Beckoning
To a younger me.

We roll
Cheek to cheek
Mixing spiced air
With charcoal smudging hair

Vertically
The air closes in
Transfixed by staring from you
Not thinking, not able to

Dressed tall, floating
Breathless, wordless, unlike myself
In your arms, time slows
The spiced air flows

Warm ice washes numbness
I'm not aware I'm breathing
I suspend myself to the night
Moonlit, lamplit limelight

The song may end,
I rush thoughts in, swelling me
I thank you
I won't forget you

I burdened you, did I not?
Told you things I thought you'd hear,
In the wind, in whispers from the woods
Nobody told you, but I did.
Vaguely I burdened you.

And you were lonely, I tell you so much,
In ways I don't fathom, shallow diving me.
Weird fishes nibble bones, weird stories take your love for me,
Rumours, rumours, grow like weeds,
Weeds, weeds grow as bushes between us.

So we sit on lawns of cut relationships,
Each blade a sharp reminder,
Of friends we never made,
We grew, didn't we? Like stalks of flowers that never dreamt of being trees,
But sometimes,
I see the yellow of your kiss across the garden hedge.
We never bore such fruit apart.

So sitting, so kneeling,
So waiting till time makes us desperate enough to try again,
I move pragmatic pieces, and play games that think of you
I spell your name, in footsteps I take in the wrong direction,
But it's only wrong to you,
We're only wrong for each other,
Why should that mean we can't love?
Why does that mean we don't talk?

Not through rumours.

You're a trophy,
Bragging rights,
A shot of servility, yet to be drunk
A ship on some waves which I may command
Poseidon inside them,
Yet to be sunk.

I remember you, don't I?
We waltzed a little, stepped on each others' toes
But we don't sound so good now,
I'm confused to hear you speak,
At least, at least I know you
And at least I can chirp to you,
Little tree, Rock solid face, without emojis or discipline
Tell me more about yourself.

What awaits me tonight
What lurk in your mind?
Foully feminine, dusky on broke wings
And sprightly on toes of splintered wood.
Cave in, fall down, and maybe I'll find you again,
But up until now,
I've only heard you selfishly

              and wikl never ztop doin so

atlas—
your shoulders
crack and crumble;
dust and dirt fall from
the corners of your
aching joints; you are
ageing like stone.
your body, quivering,
is not made
of marble,
but the fissures
like tree roots on
your arms glimmer
gold and blue
and green—and
you are forced to
stand still, tall,
sturdy; as if
you were nothing
but a pillar,
reaching up to
heaven, grounded
forever to the earth.
atlas—
the weight of the
world is an anchor
on the curve of
your spine.
shaking, shaking,
like the scattered
rings of saturn—
oscillating.
atlas—
collapse.
atlas—
crumble, fragment;
dream of feathers
and dust and billowing
air, and all that is
light and gentle—
and melt.
atlas—
loosen your fingertips,
let the world slip
from your shivering
hands.
atlas—
even stone
can turn to dust.
atlas—
disintegrate.