Death is not pretty.
Death is not brave,
Death is not freedom
Or grace
Or clarity
Or glorious.
Death is lonely,
Undignified,  
And vastly disappointing.
I do not recommend you try it.

Them:
"You don't look Autistic."
"Wow, you must be really high functioning!"
"My friend has kids with Autism, and you don't behave anything like them."
Me:
"Thanks,
The years of bullying and abuse really paid off.
I finally learned never to display my vulnerabilites.
I learnt that others would be ashamed or uncomfortable of my differences,
Try to take advantage of my disability.
I suppose I should thank all those who thought it sport to hurt me,
I now internalize, minimize, conceal
Every difficulty.
I have been taught to sacrifice my own health and well being
For the sake of others ' needs to remain oblivious and prejudiced.
Thank you for reminding me that
All that hardwork and pain was worth it for you,
Who can operate in this public space
Unburdened by my challenges,
Oblivious to my suffering.
As a child,
My skills were less finely honed.
I had not yet developed the craft of invisibility.
One might have guessed me Autistic,
But the assumption was more often
Some combination of naughty and lazy.
Don't pretend to have sympathy for Autistic children when a comment
Clearly shows it wasn't there.
Let's be clear, too.
High function means highly camouflaged,
Easily forgotten,
Lost under the cruelty of others.
It does not mean low difficulty."

I am the pit viper of poetry.
Syllables slam where ignorance lies,
The sound of education
Like fire,
How to lower an ego and raise up humanity.
I am both Lover and Fighter,
Medic and Boxer,
Words like a balm
Designed to soothe the suffering of others.
All pain is shared, easier to bear together,
And yet,
I reserve a specific set of sharp syllabic power
When it comes to defiance of empathic deficiency.
My words will stop a heart in a poet attack,
Locate the seams and examine the crack
To expose what is wrong with society,
Foster a sense of compassionate understanding.
And then, with gentleness,
I invite them to join me.
As a poet,
I have a responsibility to illuminate both the beautiful and
Ugly,
Resuscitate long buried emotions,
Bring love AND prejudice into the open,
And then heal them with human connection.
It is not a small weight to carry,
And so I,
I reserve the right to my fire,
The occasional sharp tongue to cut through the *******,
But then you will find tenderness
To remind everyone:
Even in darkness you are never alone.

He attempts every method of contact,
Of intrusion,
As if I will somehow forgive him for breaking me,
Apologize one last time for HIS behavior.
What he does not know is that
Every crack he instilled
Only made me realize how much
I did not want to be broken anymore.
The sound of the last break
Was the front door,
Closing behind me.

To be *****
Is to become so numb
You have to be triggered to feel
Anything at all.
The absence of pain
Is a pain in and of itself.

The first lesson they teach us in EMT class
Is to never lose our compassion,
Never forget that every patient is
A human being with a story, a family, a life.
They tell us to keep our emotions in check
But to never lose our respect,
The trust in the competency and freedom of choice,
For we are the link of survival
On the worst day of their lives.
We were not there to know the reason that led
Up to the call,
But we are there to get them through the danger that followed.
Why then does the text book instruct us to abandon our respect,
Abandon the presumption of humanity
At the mere thought of the words 'developmental disability?'
Why do the words Autism and Down Syndrome suddenly
Make it okay to condescend and patronize as if to a child,
To infantilize an adult whose intelligence we are not qualified to assume?
Why is it my duty to respect a neurotypical patient
And my job to abandon it for the developmentally disabled?
I wonder if they would encourage my peers to treat me the same?
After all, who cares that I am top of the class and squad leader to boot?
Who cares that I answer the most questions or scored highest on the test?
I am autistic. I am considered less than human.
No.
The textbook is wrong,
Primitive despite being updated in 2018.
Respect every patient means Respect ALL,
No exceptions,
No diagnostic caveats.
'First, do no harm.'
Treat with empathy and compassion.
It is their own inhumanity that prevents them
From recognizing the humanity inside us,
The developmentally challenged.
I live on planet Autism,
Population 1 in 59,
No less of a person than any other,
Perhaps more human really.
That humanity is the force behind my First Responder drive.
Do not deign to treat me as small child or foreign planet inhabitant.
Forget the basis in the archaic.
Respect and compassion for all cannot be checked at the door.
I am not less than.
My struggles have, if anything,
Forced me to become more.

Stop asking for medical advice on Facebook,
Your superglue stitches and peroxide mismanagement
Will cost you more than a doctor's visit.
Stop asking for medical advice on Facebook
If you want to keep your limb.
I've found more competence on the "interweb."
Stop asking for medical advice on Facebook.
An oxygen embolism and cellulitis will
Have you putting out more than the Urgent Care.
Please, stop asking for medical advice on Facebook!
-Sincerely,
The EMT student who is constantly preventing disaster
For people with minor injuries who think 50's era first aid advice
Is a suitable alternative.