How many times
Have I dressed up I'm sorry
Passed blame onto different parts of myself
Pieces of who I am
Juggling reasons
Motivations behind my mistakes
How many frightened goodbye's
Please don't leave me's
I'll always love you's
Have graced your tired ears
Remember when I broke you
Once
Twice
Then again
It used to taste so sweet
That first mending kiss
The one that sewed us back together
Our present, our future
Now there's a tear
That can
But won't be mended
So once again
I'm sorry
Not for the usual things
The ones I can fix
But for the things that I can't
Like you
And like me
The spaces in between

I walked for miles today
With nowhere to go but away from memories of you
I came home with weak legs
And a tired heart
With so much more distance to travel

You aren't here
And I wish you were

Broken ceramic plates
And
Cracked porcelain dolls
And
Glass shards scattered on table-tops
Cannot
Describe how incomplete I feel.

It's an odd thing
How I was so loved
When I was made up entirely of flaws
Every mistake I made was forgiven
Each new promise taken with a grain of salt
Yet now that I am better
More genuine and whole
With no apologies to hand out
Over mistakes of the new day
Everyone I love is gone
And I am all alone
Shiny and new
But I'm beginning to think
That bettering myself
Isn't worth losing everything else

I woke up this morning and for no particular reason wanted to die.
So I stayed home until that feeling passed, as much as I felt it was going to anyway.
Then I walked out into the world and acted like everything was perfectly alright hoping that maybe I could even convince myself. But the thing about it is, nothing is okay.
I am empty, and I am sad and things like that don't simply go away.

I'm not well
Deep down I feel it
The wanting
For what I am unsure
It sits in my chest
On my ribs
Beside my heart
Beating away at the same pace
Desperate longing
Some kind of sadness
The type not so easily
Expelled by things in bottles
And I want to silence it
Make it be still
Just for a moment
So I can continue on
Pass this
Let go of the fatigue
Of the hopelessness
And just be