*** at 10am
***** at two
Whiskey at six
To forget about you

Everclear at midnight
Water at one
This isn't one of those nights
When I'm drinking for fun

*The Suicide Diaries

What is there left to say?
I've run out of tears
I've run out of pain
Two long years you've been away
What is there left to say?

*The Suicide Diaries

He is very low to the ground
He snuffles and sniffles and waddles around
He makes his home in a tree
What on earth could this creature be?
He has spikes and stickers and quills galore
There's a hint if you didn't know before
If you really stop and search your mind
You'll realize he's a porcupine

It's that time of year again
I hoped that no one would ever be
As wary of the season
As frightened of it as me
The loss of life is treacherous
The pain of it never ends
Whether it was someone you once knew
Or one of your closest friends
I'm so sorry to everyone
Who felt this loss today
I'm sorry for this season
I wish it hadn't gone this way

I finally met someone like me
He's sharp of wit
Charming in attitude
Smooth in conversation
Closed off in emotion
Supportive in nature
Understanding off loss
Non-committal to admissions
He is everything I have ever searched for
Yet because he is such
We can never be
For I am too much like him,
And he is too much like me
So alas I'll watching him pass
Just a drifter such as I
Such a shame it is to find perfection,
Only to watch it pass me by

I'm holding back anger today
Boiling with it
It's waiting on my tongue to escape my lips
Ready to sting anyone who comes too close
Too bad a bee sting does more harm to the bee
Than the one who inspired it to act in the first place

I need something tonight
Something that isn't gentle.
I need teeth leaving marks on my flesh.
A hand pulling my hair.
I need a wall against my back.
Arms to lift me, bend me, control me.
I need to battle.
To hurt.
I need someone to moan in my ear.
To scream.
I need bruises and aches.
I need to wake up tomorrow hurting.
To see the evidence of beautiful violent passion.
I need to be painted black and blue.
I need to feel.
Oh God I need to feel.