Its the worst feeling in the world; knowing that you loved someone who drove you to near madness.
Someone who chipped away at your sanity; bruised you, twisted you mentally, damaged you in irreparable ways.
Every day you try to heal, forget, but there is a hollow part inside of you that will never be the same again.
It's the worst feeling in the world to be crushed by someone you love, even when you knew that loving them wasn't in your own best interest.
You knew that something was off.
You knew you should have run; gone far away from the toxic vapor released by the relationship.
It was a chain reaction; each product driving you even further into madness.
They manipulated you.
Lied to you.
Faked their affections.
Tried to use you.
You let them. Just a little.
But you caught yourself just in time.
You saved yourself.
You escaped.
Even when they played you right until the very end.
You like who you are in the aftermath.
You relish the strength you feel being free from his clutches.
You adore knowing that you outsmarted even the worst of the narcissists.
But the paranoia remains.
It finds you.
In the night; in the day.
Around every corner.
But you will be free.
You will be okay.
It was the worst feeling in the world.
But it's over.
You survived.
They may have tried to crush you, but you remain whole even still.
In the end, they did not win.
They never will.
Perhaps you may feel damaged, but you will rebuild.
And you will learn.

What's insomnia like?

It's when your body and mind are drained and exhausted, but something inside your head refuses to quiet down.
Its like there's a special compartment of thoughts that only opens when it's time for bed.
A unique box filled with the things you're afraid to address during the day.
The things that chase you.
Haunt you.
Bug you.

The things you'll probably never forget.
Moments permanently ingrained in memory.
Good.
Bad.
Damaging.

Things you regret.
And things you never will.

Something.
Nothing.
Everything.

They cower in the light
And return in the night.
Never leaving
Never resting.

Chasing you to the day.
Chasing all your dreams away.
Wide eyed
Vulnerable.

****** into darkness
A restless trance
Of never ending thoughts
A maddening dance.

What is insomnia?

It is madness.
Ectacy.
Horror.
Trance.
A lost abyss of endless thoughts.
The ones that never leave you.
The ones you'll never release.
Trapped inside for eternal night.

Left alone,
I will sing.
Abandoned,
I will dream.
Unloved,
I will care.
Hated,
I will love.

Loved,
I'll love harder.
Held,
I'll hold tighter.
Found,
I'll be a companion
Collected,
I will be content.

It's only when you lose yourself,
Question yourself,
Fight yourself,
That you truly understand yourself.
For deep inside,
Despite what you may feel,
You know who you are,
And you love that person.
For they are caring.
They are damaged.
They may be lost,
But they love.
They feel.
And they are good.

With his eloquent tongue,
Quick wit,
And grinning eyes.
He made us love him.
He made us feel loved.
If only for a moment.
Then it got ugly.
Suddenly there were questions.
Fighting amongst ourselves.
Betraying one another.
Never trusting.
No one.
Not even ourselves.
He made us weak.
Afraid.
Spiteful.
He turned us into something we're not.
He played us all.
He crushed us.
Or tried to.
Without a thought.
Without a care.
With his crippled black soul,
Deadened eyes,
And withered self.
Hidden behind a handsome mask,
A gentle hand,
His lies.
His fear drove him.
His fear of being realized.
His fear of being alone,
And others seeing him,
As he really is.
For he is dark,
He is apathetic,
He doesn't feel what others feel.
He cannot feel remorse,
Except for in fear of himself.
For he only cares for himself.  
He claims he doesn't care.
He claims to be free.
Free of restraints.
Free of emotion.
Free of love.
But for what he claims is free,
Is imprisoned in fear.
For he is a coward.
Terribly frightened.
Afraid of others.
What they might say.
What they might think.
But mainly he is afraid of himself.
For he knows his noxious soul,
Will one day find him.
Abandoned.
Exposed.
The day he knows he is unloved.
The day he knows he is alone.
Alone with no one but himself.
The one he fears the most.
He will weep.
For nothing is stronger.
Nor more horrifying.
Than facing one's greatest fear.
To open one's eyes.
To face all alone.
The one you despise the most.
To see in the mirror,
The demon you've become,
As no fear is stronger,
Than that of oneself.

Sometimes you get depressed and its hard to admit you need a helping hand.
Sometimes you just need someone to push past your wall and let you know that they're there and that they care and that they understand or at least want to try to.
Because you can't get it all out yourself.
That's what depression is like.
And its **** hard.