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 Feb 2 Numb04
you get one day to cry
but tomorrow
it’s time to fix your crown
 Feb 2 Numb04
Michael Smit
I always overthink
Leaving permanent ink
One thought
Next another
Each and every other
The constant annoying utter
 Feb 2 Numb04
Lucy, cut the rope for a moment
the ceiling is not too strong
to lift the weight of your angst;
Lucy, open the timeworn window
because heaven is closed tonight;
take a look outside, Lucy,
stars are dancing in the sky;
take a look outside, Lucy,
the dusk is waving you goodbye.

The bullet is running away this time,
so put the gun down, Lucy;
the floor is not yet ready
to taste the sad trace of your blood;
walk out of your hell, Lucy,
the rain has stopped burning outside;
don’t try to walk in, Lucy,
because heaven is closed tonight.

Lucy, close your weary eyes;
darkness is too blinding
that it makes you want to kiss the fire
when your sharp tears
rip your soft heart out;
don’t be deceived, Lucy,
by the shadows climbing up the walls,
don’t try to come undone, Lucy,
there’s an angel waiting for your call.

Put the knife down, Lucy,
throw the evil pills away;
step out of your room Lucy,
the light is knocking at your gate;
hold on to the rope for a moment
this is just a single nightmare,
step out of the golden stairs,
do not climb up yet this time;
do not walk in yet, Lucy,
heaven is still closed tonight.
 Feb 2 Numb04
 Feb 2 Numb04
Fear, the absence of faith.
Fear, the presence of failure.
Fear, the cause of surrender.
Fear, the result of threat.

When you allow fear,
You allow pain, depression.
Do away with fear and be free,
Set fear aside and do the unimaginable.

Fear will only slow you down,
Fear will limit you,
Be courageous, bold,
Crush fear!
 Jan 29 Numb04
Sorry, because I’m giving up.
Sorry, for I’ll already stop.
I know, we’ve been waiting
For too long.
But now, you better start finding
For new man.
It’s not because I’m tired of this love,
But because love’s already tired of me.
It’s not because I’ve found a new love,
But because my own love can’t find me.
Maybe it’s because of the people around me,
Or maybe because of the misery inside me.
I know you’ve been waiting
For our future wedding.
But, sorry I can never wait,
So we have to separate.
Sorry, I’ve tried to wait for you,
But my mind is invaded by tragic hue
Sorry, because I’ll already stop.
Sorry, because I’m giving up…
I’m giving up –
I’m not giving up on this love,
But I’m giving up on my life.
So, sorry, I can’t wait for you,
For I will end my life tonight
 Jan 29 Numb04
One night, Depression knocks on my door
So I let it in, without knowing its identity.
I let it in, because I think it needs my help.
I let it in, and then it reveals its personality.
Depression is an earthquake I don’t know when will come,
But when it appears, it creates havoc I don’t know where it comes from.
Depression is a rain of tears,
And when time passes by, it becomes storm and my great fear.
Depression is a sad and tragic movie
That makes my tears fall freely and rapidly.
Yes, it is a sad movie that makes me cry at night,
And I don’t know why I’m doing so, and I can’t understand this plight.
Depression is a brother of anxiety
Who can just knock me down easily.
Depression is a friend I want my mother to know
But she just says, “Let your stupidity go!”
Depression is the handcuffs locked on my wrist
That I don’t even know it still exists
Depression is the coffee that stops me to sleep at night.
Depression is the onion that can easily make me cry.
Depression is the voice ringing in my head.
Depression is the monster under my bed.
Depression is a car in a parking lot,
And I’m the parking lot I don’t want to be at.
Depression is the ghost that haunts a house
Although, I’m the house I don’t want to live at.
Depression is a star that always stays in the sky
And, I’m the sky I don’t want to look at.
Depression is a silly child who asks me
“Are you tired of living?”
But I just answer with
“I’m tired of Dying!”
Because Depression kills me everyday.
Depression makes me feel I’m already dead.
It is a bullet that in my heart forever stays.
It is a vicious, painful word forever said.
Depression is not a treasure from a chest.
Depression is not a kind guest.
So, when Depression knocks on your door,
Don’t open it, if you don’t want to have a deadly tour,
Because when Depression knocks on your door,
It wants to make you feel lonely until you don’t know why you’re lonely anymore.
Inspired by Sabrina Benaim's spoken word poetry "Explaining My Depression To My Mother" on Youtube.
 Jan 29 Numb04
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.
 Dec 2019 Numb04
You’re Unfair
 Dec 2019 Numb04
You’re unfair
Because you left me
For you to be happy
While I was drowned
In melancholy
And beautiful
Yet tragic memories
Left mournfully
In my mind.
You’re unfair
Because you
Can sleep tight
And rest at night
While I feel uneasy
With the beat
Of my heart.
You’re unfair
Because you
Don’t feel
How much
It hurts
To be left
By someone
You badly want
To stay
Until the end.
You’re unfair
Because you
Won’t feel
The sorrow
I’ve been feeling
Right now.
You’re unfair
Because you’re
Just lying
Peacefully at rest
While my heart
Is breaking
Every day
I cry
In your graveyard,
And since the day
You had ended
Your life.
 Dec 2019 Numb04
I'm Sorry
 Dec 2019 Numb04
I fixed your heart and I broke mine.
I feel so down, you feel so fine.
My own heart bleeds, yours beats finely.
My tears flow, your eyes glow brightly.

Sorry, I fell in love with you.
I thought you were the light in blue.
I thought you’re going to be mine
Until my heart lost its lifeline.

Sorry, I want to say sorry
For breaking my heart foolishly.
Sorry for expecting too much
For our own forbidden love’s clutch.

Sorry, I have held so tightly.
I cannot let go my own heart’s plea.
I can’t stop my heart from beating
And feeling my hindered feeling.

Sorry, I can’t move on and heal.
Sorry, I still love you for real.
Sorry, I’m still hurting badly.
Sorry, I am really sorry.
 Dec 2019 Numb04
 Dec 2019 Numb04
I wish I could go back in time,
Delete our broken rhymes,
And change the fatal fate of mine.

I wish I could nullify
The havoc in my mind
And my heart’s heavy sigh.

I wish I could erase
The time for our break-up
And our love’s sudden stop.

I wish I could change
Everything we’ve done
So that your love might not have gone.

I want to undo the parts
We’ve input to our hearts
So we could make a new art.

I want to redo the things
That I felt when my wings
Were still on our promised rings.

I want to Undo the bitter ending,
And redo our sweet beginning;
I want you to be mine again.

I can’t undo the break
I can’t escape my fate
It’s already too late…

Well, I guess it’s time
For me to accept

"Just because we loved each other
Doesn’t mean we’re meant to be."

*We can’t make the wrong right.
We can’t undo the past light.
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