Sam - Hello Poetry

Sam Jul 2018

Set Up ?

I met my friends boyfriend today.
He could tell I was into girls.
As my friend was singing and being an amazing work of art,
He turned to me and said,
“Have you noticed how attractive her lips are?”
I felt so awkward.
Because I don’t see every girl that way.
Just some.
Just one.
But not her.
“I don’t look at her that way...”
I thought he was trying to imply that I did.
But why?
“I wasn’t trying to set you up or anything!”
The funny thing is that I didn’t even think he was
Until he said something.
Now all I can think
Is that he is bad.
But he’s not.
He’s great.
But he kind of scares me now.
What if he does it again?
What if he tries to make me seem like a freak?
He says the “***” word.
And that has changed my whole mood about him.
But he’s a good guy.
Maybe I’m just scared of yet another person.
Maybe I’m being over dramatic.
Or maybe not.

Not really a poem but my thoughts for the night. He’s cool and all but that made me really uncomfortable...

#friend #scared #anxious #freeverse #set #up

Sam Jun 2018

References

Every single time
Every single day
I am reminded

Because apparently
Everyone loves to
Remind me
When exactly
You died

Thinking of a past event:
“Was that before or after your dad died?”

Um, WHAT???

Why can you just ask me
How old I was?

Why must you assume
That’s the only event I remember?

Trust me
I wish I didn’t have to

Maybe it’d be easier
If I was some sociopathic
*******

Then I wouldn’t always feel
Depressed
Or lonely
Or done

Maybe I’d be worse.

Because even I use the same reference:
“Was my dad already dead, or was he dying?”

Who the **** cares?

I was a fresh 13 year old.

I shouldn’t have to remember that.

Literally everyday I get reminded on purpose of that ******* Day. Christmas couldn’t have been worse.

Sam Jun 2018

Biggest Mood

Do you ever just know that you’re being annoying?
But like you don’t really care?
Cause mood.

Tonight’s mood.

#mood #anxiety #annoying

Jun 2018

may

appreciation

Hey I’m really sorry you feel this way
Nobody should feel the way you say you do
You’re an amazing person
I’ve been telling you this a lot lately

Ever since the night on the Ferris Wheel
Cliche I know right and even though
you were freaking out most of the ride
We had a bonding moment

I might’ve not held you in my arms (ha)
But I feel closer to you dude
Heck you’re the first person I told about
the crazy event happening in my life right now
Your advice is always good so don’t doubt yourself for a second

I’m really glad we’ve re-build our bond
And I appreciate you at lot

I just wanted to write this.

#friend #wownotasadpoem #appreciate

Sam Jun 2018

Physical and mental health go hand in hand.

New routine:
Wake up, take two pills
Eat a sandwich
Write comedy
Take another pill
Eat another sandwich
Watch comedy
Take another pill
Eat another sandwich
Go to bed
Don’t sleep
Feel, instead of nausea, a weird rumbling in your stomach
Shake a little
Fall asleep in the morning
Wake up
Forget your pill
Have withdrawals
Feel terrible
New routine:
Feel terrible
Have anxiety over feeling terrible
Tremble in fear
Feel depressed
Leave the house
Forget the situation
Come home
Take a pill
Continue to feel terrible
New routine:
Prefer the nausea over this.

Ugh, I ******* hate this.

#sick #mental #health #physical

Sam Jun 2018

Ferris Wheel

I ******* despise them.

They’re actually the **** of all carnival rides.

And they make my life hell.

But you rode with me.

And told me a story that weirdly actually calmed me.

And you played Gary Come Home for me.

So it wasn’t that terrible.

You’re a great friend.

Thanks.

I probably would have cried if you weren’t there. Thanks May.

#carnival #ferris #wheel

Sam Jun 2018

Dreams

So I had a dream last night
I was at the doctor getting checked out for my nausea
And they did some tests
I found out that I had brain cancer
Specifically brain cancer

The dream switched to me having to tell my friends
They all left me
They didn’t want to deal with me
I had to quit band
And drama
And all my hopes and dreams went to ****
All within the span of a few days

But what’s worse is that when I woke up
I thought I was still sick
I thought it was all real
And I started to cry
My friends texted our group chat
They were all really nice
But when I think about the dream
I can still remember them leaving me
And it makes me want to cry

Before I even had the dream
I would sometimes think
That one day something could happen
And do all of these same things in real life
I would be dying
And they would leave me for real

And now I’m thinking that I could be predicting the future

I’m going to the doctor soon for my nausea and this dream happened and it made me really nervous.

#dreams #death #scared