Each night as I'm stuck in bed
My eyes our sewed opened
So I could relive all my sins
I lay each one out on bulletin board
In my mind
Connecting each one to one another
With simple red yarn
Im trying to pinpoint
the exact moment
My life became filled with
secret regrets
Its suffocating me
I want to speak up
To tell some other living soul about
All the bumps and bruises
That is my life
That is me
But i cant
So I lay with my dry eyes
Unable to blink

he left you a song
that you don't want to here
you plug your ears and scream
your eyes turn red while your heart turns blue
his love for you is gone
and all your left with
is this stupid song

I am not the same person tonight
As I was this morning
Time moves slowly for me
The hours drag on
A constant sense of boredom consumes me
I watch the hours go by as I feel my white blood cells turned to red
Don’t take this the wrong way
For life does not bore me
I’m curious
Passionate
I love and I hate
I’m simply referring to the neutral state between human antics
I’m referring  to the constant void that is my consciousness
I’m unfamiliar with the definition of contentment
Satisfaction is a boredom induced daydream how could I ever expect to sustain a satisfaction when within the 24 hours of the day
I am 24 different people

Pretty girls cry over other pretty girls
Its a harsh routine
To want what others have
wanting it only because
You don't have it
Fixating on beauty
Making it a mirage
Please just look in a mirror and love what you see
Is that so hard to ask for?

A nun
Dressed in lacy red underwear
Sold her holyness
Begging on raw knees
To a selfish man
But a clever one at that

The windows shatters
The walls caved in
The floor boards burned
The food rotted
The water dried
The furniture vanished
All that was left was a door stuck in it's jamb
And me
The door and I left standing
I made it easier for the door and kicked it in
Now it's just me

I am with you
I was with you
I was in love with
Light that you gave to the world
Freckles were scattered stars
Forrest of deep dark lashes
Protecting the depth of your brown eyes
It was as if you were my Sun
Wearing your heart outside your chest
Making it so easy to know your soul
How was It possible
I had fallen for the Moon
Her skin icy cold to your soft warmth
Eyes the deadliest of blue
So fragile but so beautiful
The biggest mystery of all
She wasn't just light
She was darkness
And I wanted to grab a flashlight
To explore that every inch
every crevice
To understand
To feel
I have been so intrigued by this beauty
I loved both equally
Moon and Sun
Sun and Moon

my life is in pause
i've lived the same day for six months now
I eat gray food
in my gray house
well trying to breath in gray air
than i lay and stare
stare
and stare
at blank walls
only walls
its so suffocating

if I could i'd the kiss the sun

the sound of love swallowed the room
my limbs become silk
every step I was taking
felt as if I was melting into this word
taking its shape
I've lost control
I danced up and down the walls
the room began to be silk

the convenience about being
a magical women is that
I can be gone
just as quickly as I came
and if im still here
there
i wont wont be for far too long

I'd like to believe
when I die
my earthly soul
will sink into the soil of our world
giving it life and colour
feeding to all the good
to all the right
helping create someone else's story

Everyone
and I mean
Everyone has Darkness hidden inside them
Everyone is capable of doing nasty things
I know i'm capable
I wear my Darkness on my sleeve
allowing it to swallow me whole
allowing it to define who I am
It wasn't until that Darkness turned my world into black tar
binding me to nothing but destruction
i'm destruction

13
Dazed and confused
Hiding from the world
Hiding behind the canvas of your mind
Seeing vibrant colors in a world that's black and white
Seeing things no else could ever possibly imagine
Making our universe your own personal portrait
Pulling the moon through the window
Dividing and conquering most of our planets orbit
Paint brushes for fingers and oil paint running through your veins
Creating beauty in mass destruction
The boy with all the keys in the world with all the locks
True to yourself and full of life
16
Dazed and more confused
Still hiding
Not from the world but from oneself
The vibrants colors melted down into the cracks of earth
Leaving life dull and grey
Tore down your paintings and replaced them with posters of models
Not the models you want to see
But the models you’ve convinced yourself your suppose to like
Lies,lies and more lies
No longer true to oneself
Paint brush fingers got wilted and turned into something ordinary
Surround yourself with the oblivious
Drink and party to fulfill your emptiness
Copy of a copy of another copy
What happened to you?
Allowed the moon to turn on you and allowed your world to switch

*** was never vulnerable to me
I krept into a small corner of myself
Attempting to keep me safe
While  hundreds of your hands
Groped every inch of what you thought was me
So you could come undone

Blank piece of lined paper
Is who I am
Im just blank

answers to the universe were all hidden inside of you
they ran deep alongside your finger prints
knowing this
you'd coat your hands, your body
in layers and layers of clothes
enjoying the ascendancy you held on me
all I've ever wanted was answers
but you never touched me
you never touched anyone

Lavender linen
Swallowed me whole
Waddled me up in
Silky sheets
Cradling my skin

I was taught
That my voice
Would never be loud enough
To speak
So I stay
With rope in my throat
Keeping me silent

people are often miss interpreted
the phrase
their is more than meets the eye
is always
too true
but where does that silver lining cross
of knowing somebody
of knowing you

Admiration is best from distance
The pure thought of you
Is beautiful
You however is tainted by
The ugliness of reality

sometimes i still feel you whirling around inside the air I breath
your energy lingers
like a ghost
not here in person
but in spirit

and he was their
wine red heart beating
beating on the outside of his bear chest
leaving himself open and raw
and than
their she was
her heart wasn't dripping red
she didn't even have a heart to begin with
her smile was deadly to the boy
standing across her eye to eye
she reached over
ripping the heart and wanting it for herself

You killed me
and I somehow blame the moon and the stars
not you
pain is universal
there is no originality in heartbreak
in death
in trauma
You killed me yet somehow
all I can do
is blame the moon and the stars

you can look at me from across a room
and I'd feel penetrated

distance is suffocating