If Love is a disease
then I'm very sick
but incredibly happy....

No one should feel shamed to the point of obscurity.
To be unexpectedly torn to pieces by someone you admire
For the sake of self preservation.

When you're thrown under the bus
By someone you thought you could confide in.
-It's humiliating.

Reducing you to a standard below human.
Eyes piercing straight through me
...When she managed to even look my way.

Her features
As beautiful as ever.
Hurt and angry at what she was having to do..

..To me.

Not at all interested
In the dialogue. Didn't care.
I wasn't part of the bigger picture.

I don't blame her.

"Don't you even start."
As my eyes glazed over
With burning tears.

I already couldn't breathe.
"If you start crying,
then I'll start to cry."

All that I knew to say
That she would even believe
As the sheer weight of reality was suffocating me was,

"I'm sorry.

"Sorry I spoke to you two or three years ago.
I never meant to ruin anything
You had with anyone."

"-But you did.."

Things that nobody talks about:
The desperation of loving someone who doesn't love you
How the sun feels warmer when you've spent a year being cold
The feeling of weightlessness after crying yourself to sleep
When he stares long and hard at you and smiles softly, making your eyes feel shy even when you are not
How people who used to exist in your orbit still take chunks off of your surface, even when you've taken so many hits you hardly exist.

Things that nobody talks about:
Even when you've moved on, even when you've found someone who loves you more, even when you've discovered better things, your skin remembers things best forgotten.

for every tear
that slides across my face
a smile is preparing
to bloom in it’s place.