So sick of being told how to be;
laugh and smile until they all believe
that everything is perfect
even if it's just for show.
You can't let anyone see the pain that's there.
For whats planted in my mind is
a family with their backs against the bedroom door,
the sounds of threats and screaming
Bouncing and echoing off the walls.
The first day I truly understood
that everything is not always good.
But you wear a smile and pretend it's all okay!
My memory is plagued with so much dark,
the voices of pleading children for it all to stop,
to be loved by a man who could never.
And the emptiness of promises
followed by spewing words of hatred
lead the violence to be seen as something deserved.
But you do your best to act normal and pretend it's all okay!
I thought with growing up, things would get easier,
but I guess things never will.
People like to try and take advantage
even if it destroys you inside.
When I close my eyes I feel it happening,
Their hands overpowering, taking away all my control.
But of course it must have been something I did, so just smile and get on with your life!
Maybe this is why i struggle to trust,
I'm so scared to be hurt and let down.
So before you get too close, I'll try and run.
I feel like this is all I can do to protect me from the violence,
or maybe this is all I am worth?!