I miss the time when 'I love you' was the greatest poem I could ever write,
When I couldn't listen to a love song without thinking of you,
When thoughts of kissing you invaded my mind and I blushed to myself.
I miss the time when your arms were the only home I knew,
When you would engulf me in an embrace and your heart played music for me,
When you would pull my smile from its hiding place,
How you taught my heart to do the tango when you bit my lower lip,
You lit a fire in my soul,
And you still haven't put it out.

I have these episodes,
where my heart gives up every emotion,
where it succumbs to science and just pumps blood,
quietly, just to keep me alive.
No feeling,
I can't tell if am happy,
or conjure up a reason to be,
no feeling is certain excerpt pain,
it refuses to be a feeling and racks itself under nature,
fueled by my own breath.
  I have these episodes,
where I want to hide in the darkest place,
to lay with the rocks,
because not feeling to them is second to being.
I have these episodes,
where I want to dreanch myself in gasoline,
grab a match and set myself ablaze,
shut down the uncertainty and not knowing,
because it won't hurt that much if I know where its coming from.

I have these episodes,
where I realize,
numbness is another type of pain.

Smile before they see your grimace,
blink back the tears before they fall
look away before the look of hurt is noticed
dress that cry for help into a soft melody
pull away before they notice they are pushing you away

Sometimes,
the wind gets too much,
so we lock our freedom in a bottle,
hoping one day it will grow and break free,
hoping we'll be ready for it.

Sometimes,
freedom binds us,..
chained to the need of maintaining it ..,
we clip our own wings.

At my best,
I'll dance with my shadow,
try to outran it,
hide from the one thing I can't lose
my gloomy companion without a voice.

Its not your words,
Or your silence,
Or how badly you broke my heart that still hurts me..
Its the good times we had,
The time you made me laugh till I cried,
The time you fake cried with me while watching a sad movie,
Those are the moments that haunt me,
Imprinted in my mind,I see them whenever I close my eyes,
And nothing breaks me more.

If I sat really still,unmoving,
would I feel today slipping away?
would I feel its grip on the present slowly loosening and the past hungrily waiting at bay,
patiently ******* on everything that makes today,today.

If I strained my attention past today would I hear tomorrow coming?
Its shadow a saving grace to those who wish to escape today,
hoping to find a better today in tomorrow.

if I gave up on the now,would immobility take me somewhere else?
would refusing to live in today preserve my life for tomorrow?

Set fire to our hearts and minds,
Burn to ash every theory and feeling,
turn a blind eye to mortality and its traits,
Lets see if love overcomes insanity and death.

I would be set on the highest pedestal,
seen and smiled upon by everyone,
but no one would notice when I fall,
I blame no one,
I tend to keep some of my humanity hidden.

I would bleed into my poetry,
drain every ounce until I lie lifeless
but no one would notice the blood,
just the crimson words,
the slur of my handwriting,
but never the intensity of the pain.

I would punish my lungs and scream,
scream until I heave,
until the cry for help becomes more painful than the pain,
but it would all be in vain;
A song listened to,..but never heard.

There is nothing poetic about it,
For once,
I just want to love you.

Trap me in your words again,paint your heart out on the canvas of my attention,
I'll be an empty night sky,darling light me up with your constellations ,
Grace my ears with your voice,
Create the greatest symphonies with just your whispers,
Your heartbeat alone becomes my favorite ballad.
Honey let's write our stories in each others smiles,
Our signatures in each others breaths,
Grab my hand and exist with me.

You found me at the right moment, I wasn't at my highest nor lowest,
I was just.
Just close to summing up life as a change of days,
Thinking maturity is appreciating when the days are not gray.
Then you showed up,
No,you made yourself known, you were always there.
You taught me maturity is accepting both sides of the coin,
And wisdom is knowing that the coin didn't make itself.

Write the bad things out,
Bleed the hurt through your pen,
Make straight your crooked hope,
Trap your demons in your words,
Exhale your fears through your handwriting,
Lock your pain in the margins of your book,
Erase your errors out,
Cancel out your mistakes,
Its your life..
Write it as you can.

I love you in the strangest ways,
I love you with my tears so that every time I cry they'll be thick with affection for you,every drop bigger than the last.
I love you with my fears because I can never overcome them.
I love you with my weaknesses for they are always echoing in my head.
I love you with my grief,as weird as it sounds my grief shapes me.
I love you with my sorrows for they are plenty.
I love you with the darkest part of me for it forever haunts me.
I love you with my pain,my deepest agony,because pain is the largest component of my being and so is your love.

The blood moon rises,
the sky is painted red,
Its the day our demons are fed.
The stars cower and hide behind,
afraid of the sight of temporary demise.

The blood moon rises,
havoc is reborn,
let every offspring of peace mourn,
as peace itself is swallowed till the day dawns.

The clouds are stabbed till they bleed,
Its time...
let the demons feed.
The light is traded as a pawn,our brothers and sisters become foes,
drinking each other dry till one of them falls.

Cry out!
You can't tell enemy from friend,
they are one and the same.

Skin me alive,
peel away this fear from my flesh,
expose my insides to the volatile air,
let me drip out the lies I've ****** in.


Write my stories from my pain-filled wails,
pick out the truth from the layers I've shed off,
record the gut wrenching sound as my born breaks.

Let the demons dance to the music of pain,
let their fangs bare when I fall,helpless,
let them pounce when I lie motionless,
For its the day of the blood moon,
I have to die before am reborn.

I've seen tricks, I've seen magic,
where reality is turned and its not tragic.
I've seen tricks,I've seen magic,
whether hundreds or few,
the greatest illusion is you.

A tear in what I call normal,
a rip in my jacket of hope,
something outside my safe walls crawled in.

A downward curve to my normal smile,
a dark shadow dimming my light,
I've been robbed of my glow.

"Hey isn't that heart break?"
No,it hurts like a wound to my sanity!
My heart is okay,
its okay.

So hand me the jacket of pretense and I'll put it on,
Show me where alone is and I'll choose it once more.

"Teach me!" I begged the trees, "how do you defy gravity? Teach my heart never to fall."

"Teach me!" I begged the trees, "how do you defy gravity? Teach my heart never to fall."

Sometimes its hard for me to acknowledge my feelings,
its hard for me to listen for a name in this abnormal heartbeat.
And its harder to understand my heart when it chooses to speak in a foreign language.

Sometimes I carry the world on my shoulder, I keep trying to understand Everything from the Nothing it gives me. But because the nothing comes in such a beautiful wrapper I keep tearing at it! my sanity on edge! I keep searching for what is in what can never be.

Words I've never choked on,
Tears I've never blinked back,
Transport me to my Neverland.

Where my definition of life isn't the same as broken,
where silence isn't a time when demons awaken,
where my voice isn't an echo of words never spoken.

Take me to my Neverland,
I don't need to fly I just need my breaths to not be ragged,
My pulse to cross the finish line and stop this racing,
I just need to breathe.

Take me to my Neverland,
I'll age to grow out of this pain.

Tick tock,
I stumble and fall,
Tick tock,
My heart stops.
Every minute is easier and harder than the last,
One moment am blessed with wings,
the next am spiraling down to the  past,
Where I taste freedom just for it to turn bitter and I spit it out.
I live and die in the same second,
In the twinkle of a star I exist and fade.

You did not walk into my life,
it was no planned move,
So the moment you regained your balance,..
You walked away.

I miss you,
I miss you so much!
But Darling,letting these words escape my mouth,
To tell you I miss you and so much more,
Its the hardest part of all.

I don't like fancy restaurants or dress up dates,
just grab my hand and show me the weirdest place,..
make funny images in the clouds with me,
lets count the brightest stars together, knowing we'll never be like them or desire to.
press your lips to my cheek,rub your nose against mine,
lets bask in our dim lights.
Do the simple things with me and darling I assure you I'll be yours.

Talk to me,
invade my space,
distract me from thinking about you.

Lyrics I've sang before,
I know this broken melody,
I recognize this pain,
my hope has been injured again.

When I see a pen my eye twitches,
aware of the millions of words that I've trapped in,
aware of the breaths I never really exhaled.
My throat closes up at the thought of being heard,
my opinions are stuck in the sentence "I wish I could I've said,"
When I see a pen I see a chance,
a chance to turn ink into my voice.

Break my bones,
make me bleed,
let this love-filled blood gush out of my veins,
I want no part of it!
Love is too much for me,
It sets my insides ablaze,
until my thoughts dance in the flames,
burning everything until my heart begs.
So I'll hide from its rays,
I'll lurk in the shadows,
before logic is dragged and thrown out the window,
before am left with nothing but the need for more.