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Everyone is born with a lock on their heart and a key in their hand. But my lock was broken. No one could fit their key in, for my lock had been damaged as a little girl and the key I was given had been misshapen. Until you came along, your own key and lock had been broken many times as a child and somehow the exact dent that had made it impossible for you to find a fit had slipped perfectly between my ******* and clicked. Unlocking something I never thought would unlock. And my key, a key that had only been used once before without success fit inside your lock with a click as well. Each lock opening to show emotions we had kept so tightly closed. And as I looked into your eyes, each other's hearts open on display, I realized that maybe our "damaged goods" are only damaged to the wrong people. Because for each other we were the exact fit we needed.
It was 1 a.m.
I was at a bar,
you were probably
at your house,
drunk,
having people come over.
I texted you
and the first thing you
said to me was "come over"
but you and I
both know that wasn't
going to happen anymore.
I had to tell you I didn't
hate you.
Because the last time
I talked to you the words
poured out of my
mouth like lava
and I was sure you
would never talk to
me again.
But sure enough,
without even hesitating
the second my name popped
up on your screen
you told me to come see you.
And that's what drove
me crazy.
Despite everything
you still always wanted
to see me.
And that's what made me wonder,
despite us being so against
being together,
we can never leave each other
alone.
I could only think
you wanted me
as much as i want you,
but we both know
we will never
admit it.
Maybe two people
are meant to meet,
but can never be together.
You have hurt me so many times
so whats that point in coming back?
Every time you hurt me
you always made sure I was
still okay, and I hated that.
You would apologize and apologize
and you wouldn't let me leave
until we were okay.
But this time I knew
it would only happen again.
You insisted on driving me home
the first time you actually saw
that you made me cry.
And you said your sorrys
and compliments the whole
way back and even
the next morning.
I didn't get it because you
and I both know that
you should have just let me go.
But we seemed to both have
a hard time letting each other go.
For two people who are
suppose to be just friends,
we make fires
and everyone around us watches
us go up in flames every single time.
And he's so good at pretending
to care,
so good at it.
He makes me believe him
every single time.
But let me just tell you
this time is different.
Because maybe I'll
be the one to let go.
Last night was the last straw.
I had millions of stars
inside of me when you
first met me.
You managed to put
out every single one by
the time you left.
With your words,
broken promises,
and fists.
But did you think these
galaxies would never re-light
and burn brighter than before
when you left?
You will never fully put
out this flame.
We filled the room with
music that ran through our veins
as we sat on the floor and cried
because of all the people who dug
their claws so far into us
and then ripped them out
so fast
without any warning.
We drank straight from the
bottle of ***** like it was going to
tell us why they left when we got to
the bottom of it.
My best friend ripped all the
pictures she had of him off her
wall and threw them in the garbage.
And i thought to myself
"if only feelings were as easy to
get rid of as ripping pictures
of the people who hurt us off
the walls."
Then i thought to myself how
many times i would have ripped
your picture off the wall
if i had to do it everytime you
hurt me, but also how many times
i would be taping them back up
when you say sorry.
Dark hair.
Dark hair was what
I was always after.
That was until you swept
into the room with
blonde curls
falling down your
forehead.
And I can spot that
red Mustang from miles
and miles away.
I started to paint
my nails red.
My lips red.
Even though I was never
that fond of the color red.
You painted my life
a different color
when you entered it
and im afraid that i will
never be able to get rid of it.
Your eyes are happy now.

I remember the first time
I peered through the window--
the shutters only half-open,
guarded from the newcomer
yet aware that you should
show some lifelight.
Cut sideways,
hardened steel
saw only what could be
cheaply afforded
in the exchange.

But slowly, eventually,
you widened the curtain
and peered out across the way
to see me standing sentinel--
You said hello.
Now the steel melts to snow
turns to pools of laughter
Even in the melancholy
you never shut the door.
I said hello.

Many a day
have led me to your door,
your window,
your eyes.
Tap the glass--
are you home?
I pray the answer
is never "no."
I love seeing how my friend is happier this season. His eyes stay open and eager; is it wrong to see something so subtle as beautiful? I hope nothing diminishes the light he's captured in his soul.
I am so sad
because of your sadness
You said,
"My heart hurts today
I'm really sad"

I'd see your heart
I'd read your heart
I'd hear your heart
I'd touch your heart
I'd stay in your heart
I'd feel the pain of your heart
Can I love you though I'm apart?
A simple touch,
An innocent hug,
I'm trying to rein my feelings,
Please make it worth.

Twinkling eyes,
Goofy smile,
Don't be that sweet ,
It's getting harder to hide.

You're touchy feely,
Please take it easy,
You've got no idea
what's going on inside,
This head of mine.

You're all over the place,
I'm trying to keep inside,
Please behave until ,
You are ready to be mine.
 Nov 2017 María Carreras
River
Am I your rose?
A unique love under the bell jar?

I look at you, You look at me
Your prussian blue eyes
Pierce my being

A love that is ethereal,
Divinely orchestrated
A symphony of sweet surrender
The Angels sing I love you

Come to your rose,
Tend to me
I am no common rose
I am your rose,
I am unique in all the world,
Because of the time you have wasted on me.
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