three years of hell
three years of pain
three years of desertion
three years of lying to myself
“that someday your ship will arrive
on my shore now covered in weeds”

you set out on the seas
to look for your stolen peace
your memories growing over me
prisoner to who I have become
my eyes are starting to feel blurry
death is creeping upon me

i saw in the mirror, a reflection of mine
the wallflower that fade and shine
standing atop in the war against my fears
demolished the walls, became a people pleasure
made friends that spew out poison
nothing good came from letting pretenders into my life
took off that mask and enjoyed my own company
now I have someone, a true friend of mine

shattered your heart
something I never really dreamt of
deepen your scars
something I never really meant to happen
i wanted you to smile
and just look at me
but when you needed me
i burnt down your city
you never even smile
yet you never even became angrier
lack of emotions on your face
i still ponder, “how you feel?”

three summers ago
you appeared out of the mist
showed me love in gray
yet failed to shower color pink

three summers ago
you told me, “I love you”
but deserted me in the end
like I was your another bait

three summers ago
you expressed your affections
i never knew the feeling
now left me behind to feel those feelings

three summers ago
you caged me like a parrot
and I believed it was love
only to find it was heaven at first and hell in the end

dear readers,
don’t get caught in the traps laid
on the name of “heavenly love”
you are worth more than
those promises fake
scars that will hurt

in your void
i hear voices
that guide me to places
an escape from my messes

“lift up your gun son
and run to the battleground
seize their cannons
and come back to the town”

enemies on the shore
is back to **** you once more
the death you escaped before
is back mi amore

so the voices said,
“fight like a hero
roar like a hero
die like a hero
or come back like a hero”

high rising waves crashing on my tomb
the tomb of stone i built on my grave
a sailor on a sea on a ship with no sail
i carved my story on stones with my nails

in a well where my savior’s hands feel shorter
escaping this town is only way move forward
sun never rises in my forever cold world
peace is something you will long for in my world

so
i’ll try
i’ll fight
i’ll love
and
i’ll die

loving someone new was never so torturous
moving on but my face is still gray
reeling at night, smiling in daytime
desertion from you still haunts my midnight

thought that love would make its grand return
but the lingering sadness over-weigh my fervor wishes
the fleeting feeling of love
but it failed to turn gray into a blue world

i feel tortured in winter, the fog  reminds me of good times
when my gray world turned to blue
i feel tortured in autumn, a season spent missing someone
a total love blackout
i feel tortured in summer, a summer meant to be full of love
turned to gray
i feel tortured to see rain, it reminds me of weeping nights
and when i was in pain
a tortured poet and his tortured seasons
a tortured poet forced to be tortured by torturous peoples
because of their torturous sin
a question why did i associated my memories
and made my seasons tortured?

pain that still exists in my lips and veins
blood was thick but lighter than my weight
your mornings, my nights
my mornings, your nights
heaven arrived at my door
when you moved by the lake

now under the same daylight
now under the same moonlight
sunflowers I planted point to your place
heaven told me,
“it was fated in the first place”

i wandered through the woods in my head
i drifted on an ocean made of my tears
always in search to find way out of gray haze
and so he painted my sky pink
when he stood by my grave

i hope to see you shine, i don’t want to say goodbye
now that you’re close to my heart, i see you for who you are
i watched you sleep with your lips close to mine
the innocence on your face hides a painful past behind that beaming smile
will keep these feeling buried till i’m alive and for you i’ll die 2 years in advance
so my love can last forever and my memories will decay in grave with time

lying on a pillow you used the other night
the night we spent under the moonlight
only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright
my demons and ghost got so fright

a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now
your memories tells me to smile but
there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now
now begins another race to survive

lying on a pillow you used the other night
the night we spent under the moonlight
only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright
my demons and ghost got so fright
a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now
your memories tells me to smile but
there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now
now begins another race to survive

your gentle eyes cried a little times
your lips so sweet but red in pain
your face so blue but hides the color gray
the sadness no one knows about you

i'll tell you something holding your hand
you have a admirer who cares about you
the cannons that are aimed at your fort
will submerge in the sea before they hit you

if i could fly in the sky, i will declare my love to the people on ground
if i could talk to the birds, i will ask them to add some melodies in the scene
but you stood across the road, denying something you started
the look from your eyes and its torturing action- my cheeks grew warmer
but something in this moment without you, i feel how far we really are
our places close but hearts still hundred miles far
my desk is the only place i can write about my muse
thinking you're closer to me but its a poem you will never learn of

please don't be in love with someone else
you heart is no one's but mine
but who am i to tell you this?
when you're not really mine

i wish on every shinning star for you to come
i wish for a day when you will see for who i am
i already saw you, you have pain stuck under your skin
so i will help you bury it in mine

looking into your seraph eyes
ferris wheel had put us high
being lifted up in the air
but with you it felt safe and divine
lights from the ground reaching the sky
we had the world below our feet
with no one to tell who to love
we held each other close before the fell

mesmerized by the look in your eyes
i wanted to whisper a secret
exhilaration hit us soft and sweet
so the fall felt haunting and divine
put away desertion in that moment
the moment of beauty in your charm
we both screamed at top of our lungs
and shared our secrets before the rise

staring into your eyes but 10 second seemed bit harder
hot flush from your stare and i felt my cheeks grew warmer
your face slacking happiness and heart covered in dark gray
i wanted to whisper you 'my love' and tell you i'm here for you
putting your faith in me, you uttered your agonizing account
if i tell you 'i love you', would you let me share your pain?

i meet you in dreams but
the fear of desertion continue to exist
emotions in my dream seem far more stronger
in reality too both our faces looks so gray
i can't even console you in your grief
i don't want you to know about how i feel
it's supposed to be a love affair meant to die
either in grave or by moving on with time

our secret moments and i was high in that feeling
watching film on a reel with you but now all i can do is reeling
looking back at memories that were full of laughter
the night we had, i couldn't look away after,
so close yet i couldn't bring it up to you
i'm still in love when the lights went out
under the moonlight, it felt like a movie
and woke up to find your lips close to mine
in my fatal fantasies we're always together
but the next morning brought desertion in the light

Death does not comes to me
Even when I pray for it
I’m coward
My body freezed and hands paralysed
In the inside,
My life is torturous and tormenting
On the outside,
I believe there exist a better place for me
I’m stuck between life and death, my view blurry
My soul dead, head full of death wishes
Is it called living?

cold barren land
plants have died out in the fog
long winter days with no warmth of sun
dreams i planted have died out in the cold
2 years of hell for this and that
for to fall behind him and her
gave my blood, sweat and tears
for to be back at the beginning

lost all my hope
lost all my faith
i reached my heights
i reached my patience
a ray of hope, a ray of sun
brought the warmth lost for years 2
“my dreams”- a product of my work and efforts
but a grand victory awaits ahead

birds have nest and they call it home
but you sneak from my back door
in fear of your girl
when you can leave her
and we can build our home

you take the path away from plain sight
you use perfume to hide fragrance of our love
this affair born from match fire
and is burning my skin
tell me is the wait eternal? and
will the weight continue to grow?

went to the well to fetch some water
to water the plants and to drink some water
but fell in endless well with no bottom
he went to the well to fetch some water

the hope of his dreams is way bigger
the fruition period slipped before the reaches
fell in the well, a never ending torture
close his yes? will the nightmare be over?

the demons are the rulers,
the demons are the winners
who will pull him down
gravity- a force stronger

dear september,
tell me, “you’ll be fine”
tell me, “you won’t bleed”
tell me, “your eyes won’t rain”
tell me, “your wounds will heal”
tell me, “you won’t be sad”
tell me, “this month won’t be same”
tell me, “it’s the happiest you’ll be”
tell me, “someone will love you”
tell me, “words won’t be shot at me”
tell me, “memories won’t haunt you”
tell me, “this time will be different”
tell me, “you will make memories”
tell me, “you won’t be deserted”
tell me, “ you won’t be depressed”
tell me, “you’ll be at peace and free”

oh my these beautiful days!
autumn has come and will soon be gone
with leaves falling down brown and pale

some leaves are clinging with the hope
will they even survive the winter’s cold rage?
i summon the greatest of the force
to teach them how to fall away

hope is a devil in disguise
that will make everyday hard to survive
if you don’t fall down, will have nowhere to stay

looking from my window
down the street
the children's playing cricket
& women's doing shopping
the loud screams of vendors
the loud noises of vehicles
i sit in my room
and watch it all happen
only to remember...
i was like those children's
my mother was like those women's
time pulled its ***** tricks
leaving me to count days alone
and taking my mother with him
far beyond the horizon
where my hands feel short
leaving me with memories
sown in my head
like a cloth woven from wool

am i worthy to be one of your poems?
i see that you call yourself a poet now?
with difference being we no longer write back to each other

regrets, heartbreaks and the hearts that you broke
you paint those lines with the weight you bore
did your heart ever ache on my thought?

If I were asked where I want to be,
I'd say I hate this place and life,
Where the choices I made are my bane,
And they shatter me, so I live with this pain.

When I look at the pink sky,
All I can feel is sadness.
Emptiness within me feeds on my body,
Slowly turning me into a zombie.

I hate the way I live; my ideal version is too delicate.

The ineffable beauty of this planet no longer surprises me.
Numbness consumes my space;
I do not wish to be rescued and hope there's no place for me to stay.