I blared my favorite songs throughout the car
and ignored the speed limit on the country roads
yet I still cried and banged my head on the wheel
because ironically, all my favorite songs are yours, too.

I attempted shopping and picking out pretty things
and I was happy for the first ten minutes
but then I broke down in the frozen foods section
and walked out with nothing but more grief.

I picked up my guitar to strum my pain away
but I zoned out thinking of you and staring at my reflection in the mirror
as I thoughtlessly picked the same string over and over

and that
is what I am
without you.

You paint your nails
ten different colors
and wear three layers of shirts
Two shades of eyeshadow
and twelve favorite songs
in six different genres
and hide
a rope and a gun under your pillow
because you are indecisive.

46 stories up
two halls down
fifth door on the left
through the sitting room,
the kitchen,
second bedroom door
past the twin sized mattress
and posters of drugged up bands
pull back the curtains gently
unlatch the balcony door
step outside and try to catch ---
oops, too late
I jumped.