Charmed

By those eyes that stare deeply
By that smile that feels giddy
By those hugs that bring warmth
By those kisses that melt my heart

That laugh that rings in my ears
Crushing all my foolish fears
That sweet scent lingering on my clothes
Calming all my anxious woes

I'm charmed by the way you are
Charmed by the purity of your heart
I'm falling further each and everyday
Loving you even better, in more ways

I almost lost hope until you came
Then you picked up and loved what remained
I'm never letting you go my Dear
All my heartbreaks led me to you, here

Could I love you any more than this?
I ask God in my prayers
To make it our whole lives' quest
To find it out

I can't write anything else
You left me at a loss for words
I guess
I just love you

My mind is playing with me
In a game I know I will lose
Talking myself out of this
Wrestling with my thoughts

I'm lost in my paranoia
Imprisoned in the walls I built
The whispers are deafening
The screams are silent

I'm running out of time
I'm slipping to insanity
How does one get free
From all this absurdity

Its a game of fools
Its a pointless showdown
That leaves us with no choice
But to participate in anguish

You turned me into something else
Fooling me with false happiness
That even now I lie to myself everyday
With hopeless thoughts of being saved

I'm losing myself
To my psychotic tendencies
And I guess I'm in that state
That I don't want to be saved anymore

I'm tired of letting people in
I'm tired of asking for a savior
I'm tired of seeking redemption
In fact, I only seek assimilation

No more screaming for help
No more reaching for heaven
I'm storming the road to hell
I'm embracing my demons

No more roses for angels
No more goddesses to worship
No more queens to kneel down to
With open arms I welcome this atheism

I am my own demon
And I will keep myself satiated
I will feed my insanities
And I will be the devil you painted me to be

Slowly
But surely
Step by step
Inch by inch

I'm almost there
Almost to the end
Letting them go
Gradually

Feelings remain
Crumbling, dwindling
Memories replay
Blurring, fading

Tempo in ad agio
Hands pulling away
Hearts disconnecting
From synchronized beating

The music dies down
As the love dies out
I'm almost there
Almost over you

It's been slow
But I'll be over it
My heart will heal
Even as I miss you

Since you were gone
Nothing worked out
Motivation out the window
Dreams in an indefinite hiatus

But I'll get there
To the sunset by the sea
Where in the waves
I'll bury your memories

The pain will subside
Slowly and carefully
As I shed your chains
From every inch of my body

This is farewell
My love in ad agio
Slowly fading away
Into its final breath

Why is it so easy nowadays?
To make people love you
Dropping something heavy like
"I love you"
And leave you alone
With a broken heart?

Why is it so blatant nowadays?
That it is easy to flirt
But hard to commit
And letting someone fall
Without ever catching them
And feeling no remorse?

Shame
Love became worthless
Bastardized by people
Who can never back up
What lies come out
Of their greedy lips

There are things that keep me up at night
Unfulfilled yearnings that turn to regret
Thoughts that steal away a good night's sleep
Words that were suppressed, never to be said

I guess I'm still stuck at that time
When I was yours, and you, mine
No matter how I press on every day
I still remain a slave to your sways

Harmless conversations from time to time
Cannot satiate how much I thirst for you
Your attention is everything that I seek
Your eyes remain lights in the shadows of my life

Everyday I live in fear and dread
That in a chance that we meet again
You will flash a lovely smile at me
Lovelier than those you had with me

Every night I pray in earnest agony
That I never have to see you again
Knowing that the happiness you have now
Won't ever be caused by me again

So here I am
Writing the unspoken feelings
Etching the hidden truths
That even now, as I write this poem
I want to run to you
Bury myself in your arms
And never letting you go
I want to return to that time
When I pledged myself yours
And you, mine
I want to hold your hands
Hearts connected
Fingers entwined
I want to say I love you
Whispering in your ears
Planting kisses on your cheeks
I want to disappear with you
To a place where you and I
Can freely speak the words unspoken

I need a mask
To hide the fears
Ensnaring my heart

I need a mask
To hide the feelings
I still have for you

I need a mask
To hide my anxieties
While talking to you again

I need a mask
To hide my frustrations
Over being not over you

I need a mask
To hide the chaos
That lingers in my broken solace

I need a mask
To hide the tears
And show you a false smile

I need a mask
To hide the screams
That I suppress in my lungs

I need a mask
To hide my weakness
So that you'll never see

I need a mask
To avoid my fears
Of seeing you happy
While I drown in my misery

I need a mask
To create a masterpiece
That fools me into thinking
I'm gonna be okay

I need a mask
To hide the fact
That until now
Nobody can replace you

I need a mask
To avoid confronting
These unavoidable emotions
Telling me that I still love you

I need a mask
To avoid everything about you
To keep my sanity in check
Even when insanity eats me away

I need a mask
To hide me from your world
So that someday
I may forget you

I need a mask
But which one should I wear
When I'm confronted with the truth
That you'll never come back to me?

You came in
A gentle breeze in summer
A warm touch of sunlight
A cool drop of morning dew

You went out
A vicious winter blizzard
A chaotic typhoon
A raging storm of emotions

You left
A devastation like no other
A life unrepairable
A hole unfillable

Being loved is a gentle breeze
Being unloved is a chaotic storm

Gaining love makes you king
Loosing love leaves you a beggar

Wanting love is a summer kiss
Getting love is a heart-wrenching battle
Keeping love, an unforgiving war

Having you was my idea of love
Losing you..

I don't even know where to start over