Life's a Beach

Life's a Beach Sep 2015

Mind beaten black and blue
I should've told on you
But, I couldn't.

Heart of Gold,
your precious
Heart of Gold.
I've started to see it mould, and
Shrivel.

So, I cannot stay,
another day, another day
So, I have to go, before
you lose control, you lose control.

You gave me love
Then you took it away
You stole my love
I needed you to stay.

I never let others hear
The way the toys seemed to scream
I never let mother know
Things weren't quite as they seemed.
Didn't bear to see you go
So, instead, I lived in a dream.
Sleep paralysis stitching up,
stitching up my mouth,
and my seams.

But, I let it be.

Will always miss the way you hurt me
To let off steam.

So, if I had a daughter,
Would she love you like I did?
If I had a daughter
Would it cut her like a shiv?
That's what it felt like.

So if I had a daughter,
Would she love you like we did?
Like mother, like daughter,
The fear, curled up, and hidden.
That's what it feels like.

That's what it'll always feel like.

#love #weird #my #was #childhood

Life's a Beach Sep 2015

I'm pulling it out in clumps

Each strand leaving an invisible lump
in my throat
Digging a moat made of
tick lists, weight gain, and loss.
A household tossed into the bin of
my memories
Offered up to the rust, and the
stains of post-cognition
Not even writing anymore, because each page
brings up the nightly nightmares like
bile in
my throat, and there's the moat
again
And I'm drowning.
For, what am I without creativity?

There's no panic though

Just a strange apathy as the weeds
tug on me

Because I know I can never fall in
As deep as before

Curious.

#me #panic #health

Life's a Beach Sep 2015

Quality of Life

Isn't cured by
Quality of Countries' cash.

2380
The DWP flick off the blood
2380 bodies in coffins
Some were never loved
And all because of debt
We'll never see
debt we'll never shake

Every political debate will now
stand on the bones of the disabled.

And it will never be enough
Mankind turned to dust in search
Of digital pennies, in the rust
of all empathy.

2380 deemed fit for work

Apparently not.

#life #government

Life's a Beach Sep 2015

Recycled

Your information is recycled
Layers of stereotype driven crap
Fed down through the ages

All that changes is the pixels

Caricature faces are blown up like balloons
And handed to all those who seem a tad different
******
Freak
Idiot

**** them

Humanity swimming through a swimming pool
of their own *****, each new swallow
Has less truth than the last

We swim in circles
Complaining
Drinking
Never thinking beyond the box
Which is now our home,
Swimmers longing to roam are pushed below the
water line, being waterboarded
Traditions hoarded
While research is squandered

Grabbing hands take only that which pleases them
Ignore all reason

Tis the season to be ******* stupid.

#**** #rant #sorry #mood

Life's a Beach Aug 2015

Confronting the mirror

I find myself confounded
Playing Contortion with my fingers
and thighs

I widen my eyes
and **** in my cheeks
and smile with the grimace of sleek

I take up my neck
Scrape up my hair, hunching my
shoulders, til my collar bone is bare

I squish in my ****
And I hide my arm fat, pronouncing
my ****, by arching my back

but alas

I've shoved my stomach forward
My **** appears flabby, I **** in
the stomach, delay being 'saggy'

again

I've breathed in too far,
now the waist is too large, but outwards
sees the stomach, again, far too large

so I look to my legs

I again perceive dregs, of stretchy
spotty, teenagehood, and the memories
dredge up insecurities

I tiptoe round my vessel with dread

I've thought of every possibility in my head

I've reminded myself of
health
vitality
living

Yet when I stare at the fat
I feel I give myself too much slack
*start sieving out imperfections

The mirror grabs me
And changes fiction of fractions
To made-up fact.

#love #yourself #body #mirror #image

Life's a Beach Jul 2015

Ugh

I write, but it all seems pointless
Disjointed,
Useless, and Dejected.

This way of expression I created
Has seemed to still and stopper
A Goner.

Done for. Finished.
I used to relish the kiss of
inspiration and entanglement
into something that seemed purer
than myself

Now, my words dust on a shelf
Inspiration strikes and snaps;
disjointed and useless.

Sapped.
I find myself writing for a voice
, and musical ability, which
I do not possess

I pray I will be able to pick up a pen soon
And write away this uselessness.

Bleh.

#writers #block #******

Life's a Beach May 2015

No One Deserves Death

Instead it's earned, like a payment
plan. Every drop of sand quickened or slowed
with actions, words and loans of health.
Death is the epitome of stealth
So far away when young, yet the last
lap of it, you run,
It's breath on the nape of your neck
Like scorch marks, track marks
The ****** skid marks of a life too short, yet too
long, yet too unexplained, yet too peaceful, yet
too daring yet-
Everything.

Death is not something to steal, it is natures
to take.
Death's scythe is a rake for fallen souls
If I had time to learn every religion, I'd probably
believe them all
In the hope that penance is a myth.

If life is a gift, then
death is the end of the party.

Do not **** others, for that would be taking cake
that is not yours.

and do not **** yourself, your life is not your
own to take.

But, take solace, Death will rake you soon enough, and
then, maybe only then, will you feel the regret of wishing away
a lifetime.

Do not steal
Do not ****
Do not scorn
The master of nature, which
must take us all.

Amen.

#death #**** #steal