Inject me,
Pierce the skin
And it let it merge
With blood cells and
Bacardi,
Press your lips against mine
And slip the pill onto my tongue,
Don't pull away until each grain
dissolves
Stacks of cash
From selling love in bottles,
Capsules,
IV drips,
Losing our minds as we
Become entangled in unconsciousness.

But when I wake up you're gone.
Sweaty palms,
Goosebumps,
The fear of relinquishing control,
Or even losing my mind?
We become addicted to the visions
In our head,
The dreams we steal from dark corners
Of the brain
When we are intoxicated,
Yet with each passing of time
We rely on what numbs the pain
Of what we lost.

Silently, with tiny beats,
You let me know you're there,
Amidst the fluids and the fat,
Craddled in an un-ending embrace,
I'm just waiting for the day to come,
When you'll emerge to see the world,
And we can hold you in our arms.

things are getting
really bad again.
i wonder when
someone will notice
this time.

They whittle us down
until we are nothing more than a whisper;
a croak.

My flesh is balsa wood—
“pliable,” said the boss.
“Easy,” said the judge.

Men are born with knives.

Behind closed doors,
they carve.

Their chests swell as they set satisfied knives
on solid walnut desks, glossy with
the oil of money,
spit of secretaries,
greasy fingers.

No one
musters the courage
to knock.

You are dead now
for real, not a dream
forever like eternity
because you were

i will miss you
like the breath you cant have
like the wind you cant feel
like the laughs we cant share

its a fact that trouble me that one day you were here for me
and that night before going to sleep weren't
when that call freeze my entire body in confusion
when the sound of my voice refuse to leave my throat

now how I'm suppose to live without you
knowing that everybody can just disappear
i will remember you forever
in my skin and mind

but you are not here
and im alone

Death versus life ...                                                                                                   Nobody wants to die ,but                                                                                        Death is inevitable ...                                                                                               Its arrow comes suddenly and                                                                                 No waiting at all ...                                                                                                   It scares people                                                                                                          Anywhere and everywhere ...                                                                                  No one can challenge death's authority                                                                 Simply because one will be inevitably defeated anytime ...                                  What is death ?                                                                                                                   What's behind death ?                                                                                        Does it mean that one's soul gets out of one's body easily ?                             It's another world ...                                                                                             Immediately someone goes away or passes away                                            Into the unknown ,then                                                                                       A tomb will be ready for him or for her ...                                                         Although we think life is too long ,but                                                              It's short-lived in fact ...                                                                                       We will , sooner or later ,will pass away                                                             When death approaches us suddenly ...                                                             As long as death is inevitable ,then                                                                     We need to learn lessons from those who left us ...                                           ____________________

And your words settled someplace deep in my soul like bricks sinking to the bottom of the ocean because all I could feel was you and those words and that heaviness like I would never be able to breathe again. You told me you loved me but said you were tired, so ******* tired, and you just couldn't do it anymore but you figured I at least deserved a phone call since I had always been the only person to answer at 3 am when you needed it the most, but don't waste your time, you told me, you can't change my mind this time. I'm too far gone and the pills are already settling in my bloodstream, as you spoke I could hear the words getting wrapped up and tangled on the tip of your tongue because the first thing to go was your ability to say what you wanted and instead all you could say was the truth. You told me it would be okay and that I shouldn't blame myself but in the next breath came a sob and a scream, a blood curdling heart wrenching scream full of pain for no one in particular but still to this day every time I close my eyes I hear that scream and I know it was meant for me. Between that scream and those words my chest has never felt so full, like a tsunami around my heart spilling into my lungs taking every last ounce of air from my body and throwing it down to the bottom of the ocean with those bricks, and those words, and of course, with you. C.a.l

First, you dig your self a hole
Deep enough to lose control
Then, you push yourself inside
At the bottom, where there's no place to hide
Next, you try to claw your way through
Until there's nothing left to do
Tired, helpless, body worn
Wrists among everything else is torn
Drowning in your own salty tears
Condemned by the most realistic fears
Gasping for air, destined for execution
Feeling like death is the only solution.