here we find a girl reversed -
a girl who comes alive at night
and is afraid of the lonely day
    "you need to sleep," they'll say
    "i need to rest," she'll say
and they won't understand the difference.

here we find a girl inside-out -
a girl who can handle the whole world
but is terrified of handling herself
    her mind her worst enemy
    her people her safe haven
and she'll forever be searching for a home that isn't haunted by her own reflection.

here we find the girl
    the open ended question
    the heart with the vacancy sign in neon
    the bouquet of optimism put out for everyone to see

here we found the girl
and here we lost her
    right here, i think

"why am I always waiting for him? "
the girl asked her mind.

and her mind responded, calmly:
"that's the difference.
you're hoping he'll walk through those doors
if you leave them wide open
in the middle of winter
while you sit and shiver, **** near shattering apart."

her mind continued:
"and him?
he is sitting in his tower
bolted shut from the inside
dozing off in front of a roaring fire
blissfully unaware."

"what do i do?" she asked again.

"you close the doors and wait for the knock."

I have been burnt at stake
before,
like a witch on trial.
The cloying smoke would always cut off my cries for help.

I have been dragged through hell
before,
like a sinner brought to justice.
The demons know me by name.

I have been thrown into the earth’s core
before,
like a ****** sacrificed.
The heat of the beast below whipping at my back.

And in all my fiery encounters,
I always knew with certainty,
that the flames will see me die.

But when I sit at your fireplace,
it’s like I’ve never known fire at all.