I see you everywhere but beside me,
the one place that I need you the most.
I don’t know if you’ve just felt like hiding,
but it feels like I’m being stalked by a ghost.
I think of my life consisting of just time biding,
with parasitic emptiness and I’m the host.
This hits me like waves I am meant to be riding,
and it follows me persistently from coast to coast.

The grass didn’t seem so green back then
I guess all that constant rain did pay off,
‘cause now this little future’s just a casual friend,
and my god looking back the past was soft.
It’s not like I always want to be drenched in sorrow,
I find I look much better in brown, blue or grey,
you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I hear every voice but yours in my ears,
the deafening noise has made me forget that sound,
since I’ve heard that sweet melody it’s been too many years,
and every other pitch makes my static brain pound.
I’m always biting my lip but now I’m fighting tears,
I shake my head side to side and around.
I’m quickly losing stamina from battling my fears
and now looking forward to my hole in the ground.

The skies never seemed clear and blue back then,
it turns out that I was the creator of each cloud,
I’m hoarding past calendars so that I can pretend
that I’m back in time and making everyone else proud.
If you’ve got a hour or two that I can borrow,
I swear I’m good for it and whatever price; I’ll pay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I feel you all over, laced in everything,
if it wasn’t such a curse, it’d be a gift.
You’re the peace in winter and the hope in spring,
you’re the summer sun and autumn’s winds so swift.
I’m relieving every memory, looking for a place to cling,
I remember all of the details but the clarity is now adrift.
Side to side, back and forth, I constantly swing,
it pulls and drags me down but it can also give the highest lift.

The sun never seemed to shine right back then,
but maybe I was just too busy looking for artificial light.
I was never one for second looks but I should’ve searched again,
because everything I wanted was already in my sight.
So I plant a seed hoping it will eventually grow
and I sculpt all I wish for with clay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

Trapped in the open
A closed mind
How to escape
Soon, it'll be time
You could
We can't
What if I tell you
I don't understand

What pleasure do they get
From being a bad friend?

Dedicated, I am
To others
But they don't know me
At all

They know nothing of me
Even though I share it all

They push me to the side
Repeatedly
Even when I am overwhelmed
And plagued with pain and sorrow.

“You have to move, get up.”
“I don’t want to.”
“This is sad you need to get over yourself.”
“I’m broken, and I don’t think I can be fixed.”
“Then fake it. Get up and put on a smile.”
“It hurts too much; I just want to cry.”
“No crying! It’s not worth it.”
“But I just can’t let go…”
“You have to move on. It’s the only way.”
“Please, all I want is five minutes to let it all out.”
“You’re pathetic. Fine. Five minutes.”
“Thank you,” said the heart.
“You’re welcome,” said the mind.
And the heart and mind cried together.
Just for five minutes.

If I let myself think
I feel myself begin to sink
For one second
I feel my demons beckon
“Come on down,” They’ll say
“We can play all day
It’s fun down here
And there is no fear.”
If I let them into my mind
The world is left behind
And shrouded over
As the demons take over
If I let myself think
I might just sink
And let the demons come in;
Let them wear me thin
Maybe I’ll kick them out
But then I’m in doubt
Of whether it’s worth it
To fight and leave myself split
Between the good and the bad
Between the happy and the sad
So they might just stay
Until I decide to push them away
And if I let myself think
Further into my demons I’ll sink

I have found myself tracing timelines in the sand,
hanging off the edge of your lips
as you say my name - say it so,
as you read words you hold close
in midnight hours.
When the world has quieted,
and your voice is all I hear,
I want to be the reason your words transform,
a reason for your heart to rest peacefully
for every night to come.
Lie down, sweet love of mine,
these worlds are yours already.

It’s a crisp October morning and it is perfect.
My son is nearby digging in the earth for bugs and searching for his new friend Bob the lizard.
I can hear my Boykin spaniel yelping and chasing squirrels in the woods. I am sweeping newly fallen leaves off my front porch and just enjoying all the sounds. The wind is slightly blowing and the sun is warming the dew on the grass. It is the kind of morning where everything seems wonderful even if for just this moment. I am going to fix me a cup of coffee and sit on the swing and enjoy it for just a moment more....❤️