The one who chooses all the best meals,
the giver of roses, the boy with
the black bag of popcorn, the one I will always
choose first no matter what else is on the
shelf, the chocolate ice cream, the right amount
of sugar, the cocoa, the parts that makes
us whole

Here are all the things I never said
but should start,

That you’ve always been
the constant figure in my life
at every cheer competition
and book club meeting

That when my life has shaken
and cracked
and
split at its seams
you’ve always been there
to pick me up and
mend me back together

That you remind me of
shoulders I’ve cried on
          and apologies I never gave

But would you believe me
if I said you are the single most important person
who shaped who I am today
and that i’ve been trying for years
to pick the words from my throat
in attempts to explain to you
all the ways I appreciate
you.

Because if anyone ever asks
who I need the most
my reply will always be my mom

And I need you to know
that I love you
in the simplest of ways

When I call you
my little sister,
it means I’ve loved you
since the moment you
jaywalked into my life
chattering louder and longer
than all of the rest.

It means you’ve always had
at least two voices
during any battle against mom
and an occasionally great Uber driver
if you requested me before 8pm.

We may have came
from the same DNA
but it’s clear I was our parents’ first-draft;
while you are the final, printed version             
bursting from the pages
wide-eyed and enthusiastic.

You my dear sister
have never walked in my shadow….
you wear glowing shoes
that I even borrow sometimes
and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

On nights like this
we tell our stories,
and turn up the volume on all
our deepest thoughts

I tell you my secrets
and you show me your paper-napkin wishes
I say I love you
and you let your body speak on your behalf

Tonight our smiles
echo through every room,
as we laugh in unison
till the morning is jealous

It is not the fear of aging that scares you;
it is the fear of never turning back

But my love, you are not a single serving
with a best-used-by date

You are ******* stardust,
a glow that continues to outshine

No amount of change or time
can drown out your inner-light

And my love, there is so much on your horizon,
and oh so much more for you to become

There is no perfect word,
no adjective or noun
just a combination of
         I hate
         I worry
         I regret
         Am I enough?

It's a moment where my insecurities
are no longer a low hum
and I discover a whole
          new shade of
                  self-doubt

I used to hold onto your words
that love wasn’t always on time

That maybe love
was more like a stubborn flower,
that needed many seasons to bloom

But somewhere along the lines
I realized that our hourglass was titled

That our relationship was built
on a temporary foundation;
lined with excuses
and oh so many
   betrals.

And for the longest time
I began to put question marks behind
all your hellos and goodbyes?

Thinking back, I wish I listened
to all the good advice and intuition
I stuffed at the back of my closest
waiting for a later date…..

When I would realize
that you would only ever
see me as a visitor

And since you left,
I was forced to build in your absence-
a place where I learned to properly
treat the new resident
                 I now call my home.