kayla: Poems

5's

kayla Jun 2017

5's

1
2
3
4
5

I count things in 5’s

one cat
two cat
three cat
hula hoop
tote bag

My notes are organized Cornell style
but it can’t fill the void you left.

Light switch
one slipper
two slippers
lotion
candle

I’ve got my life organized down to the the minutes
but you aren’t in any of them.

Long distance.
We’ll see.

#depression #ocd #anciety #love #long #distance

Addiction

kayla Aug 2017

Addiction

I've tried ******* *** and various forms of *****-
*****, fireball, jack, and Malibu.
****, Xanax, speed and molly too.
But My drug of choice was always you.

You should come with a BOLD bright red warning label:

WARNING MAY CAUSE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS or,
MAY BREAK YOUR HEART.

No drug ever put me through what you did, locked me inside my own head, made me feel insane...

Your withdrawal symptoms are things I never thought I would have to endure but you come in the night and the dreams you leave keep me up for days in a way that vyvanse never could.

The photos on my walls, still yet to be removed demolish my very soul every morning that I
Simply open my eyes.

The saddest part is,
If you would just talk to me, once more,
I would  try to find a way to inject your words into me.
Try to find a way to not feel so
numb....or am I trying to feel more numb?

Please make me feel like me again,
My addiction.

I'm sorry for another sad poem

kayla Jul 2017

I'm sorry for another sad poem

I really am sorry
you see, I just

feel like I'm drowning
and I can't breathe.

An empty library at 4 am
Do you wanna know where my mind has been?

Geography of Ancient Egypt and the Near East,
my god I really hope he doesn't cheat.

Does representation in video games matter?
I don't think I've ever been sadder.

You must pass your classes if you want to stay here,
"You'll feel better after another beer"

you see
i don't think I'll make it out of this one,
you see,

I just,
I really am sorry.

#sad #deep #emotions #anxiety #depression

Kings

kayla Aug 2017

Kings

You must lock the door and check it twice more:
3's for me.

Stop and check the windows too:
2's are for you.

Keep in mind the monsters outside, lest we let them in;
4's are for ******.

Turn the deadbolt until you hear it click, then do it again;
6 for *****.

Before you get in, check under your bed. But before falling asleep don't forget,
The real monsters are inside of your head.

#monsters #ocd #anxiety #nightmares #kings #cards

Poetry

kayla Jun 2017

Poetry

I write when my chest gets tight and it feels like I can’t breathe
And for (what feels like eternity) everything I’ve worked so hard to keep secret comes

crashing.
down.

Imagine being in a wave pool, going deeper than you knew you should and getting knocked under,
and considering the possibility

maybe

that you might not come back up for air;
now imagine that feeling everytime you open your eyes.

Poetry about happiness?

I’m sorry, I can’t help you there.

#sad #happy #depression #anxiety #ocd

Some days

kayla Jul 2017

Some days

Some days I'm ok...
and some days i am not.

Like waking up and seeing I got an F
because somehow I forgot.

I dreamed of you last night,
just like each night before

It's only been a week,
but i'm broken at the core.

I don't know how to explain,
you left me, i'm in pain

Some days I'm okay...
but mostly I am not.

It's been a week today since I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. And I can't stop thinking about it. I see him every night in my dreams. I'm starting to forget what it felt like- him sleeping next to me.

#longdistance #love #heartbreak #sad #dreams

Thinking with the Other Voice

kayla Jun 2017

Thinking with the Other Voice

I need to go to the store,
eggs
cheese, why do we always run out of cheese?

I texted my best friend 3 hours ago, where is she at?
Good thing I have her location.

I didn’t really understand a single thing in math class today,
but this is college algebra and trig, I go to a good college I should be able to pass

without. help.

You used to be smart and not this stupid. What made you this stupid.
How did YOU even get into this school? You’re too stupid.

You shouldn’t have worn that dress that night. And those heels?
Those were some pretty slutty heels.

You probably shouldn’t have been drinking either,

milk,

tortilla shells,

canned corn,

You could just step out in front of this semi truck, it would be quick,

cream cheese,

tea,

honey

Others would care, but honestly at this point, would you?
I mean look at you, you’re a mess.

eggs,

cheese, why do we always run out of cheese?

#depression #anxiety #ocd

When it's over

kayla Jun 2017

When it's over

When it's over
Tell them I was the girl who cried everyday
But also laughed as well.

Tell them that I had learned when the birds sing the sweetest: at the break of day and just after it Rains.

Tell them that just because someone seems like they're all put together, doesn't mean they are
and sometimes the brightest lights come from the most dangerous stars.

Tell them my biggest pet peeve was that my second toe was longer than my first,
And often on the days you wake up with no hope, they just get worse.

When it's over please tell them it wasn't all bad….

I just didn't have much help with the sad. But there wasn’t just bad, there was also the good.

Seasoned food, and
Starry skys
Moonlight night walks
A boy with blue eyes.

When it’s over tell them I wasn’t sad like they saw,
and by the end of it, I had given my all.

#depression #sadness #sad #good #happy #life

You through the Looking Glass

kayla Jun 2017

You through the Looking Glass

when you feel like Alice
with no rabbit hole

take a look in a looking glass
and search for your soul.

You could stare and stare
with all your might,

But at the end of the look
There’s still no you in sight.

#alice #looking #glass #wonderland #mirror #soul

— The End —