I can't breathe
I can't talk
I can barely ask someone anything

...Just lost in thought...

Trying to say one word
All they hear is me choking
Holding back one word
Why am I doing this to myself?

They look confused now
And crowd me to ask what's wrong
...I choke on one word
I can't say anything
No matter how hard I try...

"This is not a way to live, this is a way to die"

And how would I die?...
All the words *unspoken
Words I don't know how to say
Words I'm afraid of and long to say
...all at the same time
It makes me go mad
I don't think I'll ever be sane

...How does one do this to their self?
But all I know, is that you can't choose
You don't do this to yourself
Not on purpose anyways...

It happens on it's own...

Where you choke on one word
Your heart beats so fast it hurts
It feels like you'd explode
Salt water leaking from your eyes
Your brain just overflows.....
Gasping for air
As you shake uncontrollably...
And lie there and *wait


.....It's so hard to say one word
All you hear is a squeak
Me choking on one word
Like strangling myself till I  have no more...


I am at war with myself

And both sides are losing...

you remind me of
the first summer breeze;
warm, relaxing.
you remind me of
the first autumn rain;
cool, refreshing.
you remind me of
the winter coats;
huggable, cozy.
you remind me of
the flowers blooming in spring;
beautiful, colorful.
you remind me of
the small things in life;
the stars in the sky,
the salty sea breeze at the beach,
the feeling when you put fuzzy socks on,
the sun and moon,
the feeling of waking up feeling refreshed.
everything i think about
reminds me of you.

I remember when you first said hi to me.
I died inside, even though I didn't know you.
I had butterflies in my stomach
and the vivid thoughts of us dating;
Even though we just met.
You always flirted with me;
even though you liked other girls.
Month's past and I got your number,
from the girl who liked you.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
December 15, 2014
I sent you homework;
You moved really fast.
I went along; Considering you
were the one who started it.
And I liked you.
We would talk about all the deep stuff
How we should move to New York
How you would come over and we would study
How you said you would keep me safe and happy.

Well two days later you lied.
You got high;
Talked about other girls how you would talk about me
I was emotionless the next day;
upset because I thought you'd be better than the first.
Upset because you lied to me.
I wasn't upset because you did drugs.
Upset because you broke me again.
Hoping you would fix me.

I watched movies all winter break
Didn't help
I texted other people hoping to forget about you
Didn't help
I tried talking it out; Drawing it out.
Nothing helped

But
The worst part is that,
You didn't even notice.