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 Mar 2019 Katinka
He asked her what it's like living with anxiety.

She smiled sadly, "It's a never-ending pulse-race. Like knowing you don't want to jump off a cliff but not being able to talk yourself down from it.

Your fears take on a nebulous, unidentifiable form that tightens around your throat and incapacitates you.

There is no calm. No peace. Only the edge of a very strained thread."
 Nov 2018 Katinka
 Nov 2018 Katinka
as soon as i wake up,
my head is filled with you
the way i feel about you. oh, if you only knew.
i smile and giggle whenever you are around
just a glimpse of you stops me from feeling down
 Nov 2018 Katinka
 Nov 2018 Katinka
You can avoid
it all you want.
Ignore it, if
you please.
Sooner or later,
it will haunt you
in uglier ways.
Because the only
way to heal
pain is to feel it;
to weather its gusts,
and to ride its waves.
Feel it to heal it.
 Nov 2018 Katinka
Hollow Heart
 Nov 2018 Katinka
Are these words enough
Are these songs
Are these years enough
To write these wrongs
Are there stars enough
In the sky above
Is there life enough
Left to love

Can I take your hand
Inside mine
Will you stay right here
While I try
Is there room in there
In your heart
Hold me tight
While I fall apart

Hear my words
Feel my pain
See my truth
Accept my shame
Hear me now heal me now
Heal me now as I fall apart
Fall apart
Fall apart
Hold me now as I fall apart
Fall apart
Fall apart
Gather me and my hollow heart
 Nov 2018 Katinka
I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.
never trust anyone who doesn't like coldplay.
 Nov 2018 Katinka
moon child
"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
 Nov 2018 Katinka
Alex B
Someone stole my color
And threw it to the wind
Scattered like ashes
I don’t know if I’ll ever find it

Someone stole my color
From the face I know so well
I saw it in the cotton candy clouds
And the teal ocean swell

Someone stole my color
I guess that’s where it went
The world looks so much brighter
Like something heaven-sent

Someone stole my color
And that’s what no one knows
Depression isn’t black
It’s the color of a rose

It’s the light orange in a sunset
And the yellow of a peach
Light blue, my favorite color
So simply out of reach

Purple like my favorite eyeshadow
No, lavender, I’d guess you’d say
And my favorite music artist
Although he has passed away

Someone stole my color
Now everything’s too bright
I suppose sometimes darkness
Isn’t the opposite of light

Someone stole my color
So I’ll wear grey and black
As if in mourning
Until I get it back
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