The hazel centers draw me in
and the comfort of the pools of green
and blue keep me in, so soft and peaceful
wishing to be seen.

So I cannot deny it,
can not deny your eyes
their need to be seen
by mine.

Eyes closed, yes eyes
and what is wrong
there is always something
something is always wrong.

The center of your eyes draw me in
and the serene pools hold me close
but I pull back and push away because
no matter how you love, he still loves the most.

In my search for YOU
I want to lose myself...

Funny, how sometimes butterflies
skip over your skin without ever landing,
how basketballs spin
around the rim without swishing,
or how things never seem to work out.
I’ve been wishing

for moments of high tide, gravitational
moons that would draw me to you,
in the middle of May on Coney Island.
I want you to pull my pigtails like it’s preschool.
I want to bleed neon, shout pop tunes
to accompany my words that sound like
a poem we all had to learn
to recite from memory.

Funny, how we store meat behind our popsicles
in the freezer, how we tear up things
before we throw them away,
or how defeated we feel when we wake up
to zero new messages.
I’ve been reaching

for the plug in the drain,
sipping champagne,
hearing your name,

when all I really want is lunchboxes,
the kind your mom leaves notes in.
I want to beat you in four square,
color on my Converse, catch crayfish
in the creek behind your house.

Funny, how we tone down our souls
to fit the mold, or interview each other
based on pieces of paper when we are
alive, and breathing, and it’s funny
how we save money for next time,
plan for tomorrow before we’re done with today,
count our accomplishments before our scars.

Funny, how all we ever wanted
was to finally be exactly where we are.

Despair, despair, despair.
This world's without a care.

Nah, I won't do some dumb rhyme,
I'm just here to get my thoughts out.
I've got to worry about money, love, health...
It isn't enough just making it out of bed today.
I've got all these dreams, passions, ideals,
and no way to actually reach them.
Sure, it'd be fun to live apart from everyone.
Sure, I wouldn't mind falling in love.
Sure, everyone wants a job.

If only self-confidence and physical and mental capabilities were achievable
and anxiety wasn't my best friend.

I know her
That of which your heart is made,
That for whom it beats,
That for whom it bleeds.
She is forever scarred
Into your skin
Like a one-winged
Butterfly tattoo.
Your dream lays
Where she sleeps,
Where she breaths
Soft and neat.
Your passion lives
Where her attention
Is yours for hours
And you long for years
To trade her fears
For heavy tears.

And you long for her smile,
Her laughter
For only a short while.

But your pain expands
Where mine also does.
My shattered heart and I
Know you, feel you
For you are broken
Just like us.


F.Z.N

Autumn, dont fall,
You've been holding on since spring.
Why when you change colors do the birds cease to sing.?
Why when you change colors does the breeze tend to sting.?
& knowingly, its gray days and dark nights that you bring..

Why does the fall exist?
Reminding us of bliss?

How the leaves turn to rainbows, and women cover their hips,
Leaving us with that mystery,
That, i wanna learn your history,
That, i wanna dissect your pain and microscope your misery,

just to see you clearly,

Autumn was her name.
but we fell apart, fell like a sandcastle in the rain..
but that sandbox taught me about life in a sense..
every fallen leaf is a loss of innocence.

So i spend my days raking,
& my labor comes with pride,

But by the time I'm done, the leaves turn green, the fall is in my mind.

-AFJ