The night often comes with a disguise
One at times that's hard to recognize

From the face of a hapless child
To a young man just this side of wild

Or a wife not sure where her husband is
The night though can go much deeper than this

It can also be the elderly alone
Or a lost love with no one home

The nights disguise could be a suicidal teen
Who will try to take life out by any ways or means

The night at times could use a friend
One to gently talk it off the ledge

The night also dresses as a man estranged
From a family that no longer speaks his name

Or a mother who decided that the drugs
Were far more satisfying than a family's love

If you look hard enough you're bound to find
That the night often comes with a disguise

My body freezes.
My airways weezes.
I am pushed away from a deep sleep.
On so deep that my insides weep.
Upon waking up its hard to move.
Nothing I can really do.
So I lay here and stare.
Unable to move even if I dared.
Stuck here for minutes at a time.
Staring up at the roof hiding the sky.
Unable to let tears leave my eyes.
Here I stay unable to cry.
In a deep deep comma like state.
Here I lay here like a fish on a plate.

I am stuck in the darkness
A world so bad it has to be real
My dreams never cease to surprise me
in thier vividness
I wake up to my relief
Only to be ****** back into terror
Long shadowy arms extend from my ceiling
And hold me down
I can't move
I try to shout for help...
The shadow covers my mouth
...I live alone anyway
The fear creeps through me
as the electricity of this
shadowy intruder
keeps me still
Panic
And just as fast as it began
the shadow creeps back to the corners
it grew from
and I can move again.

It's three in the morning.
But I am not going back to sleep
I open a book and read instead.

My bad dreams won't leave me alone these thoughts keep circling my sub conscious.

They wait till I'm most vulnerable to attack I can't relax not for a second.

If I do they are there screaming at me over and over again taunting me till I'm awoken in a cold sweat with tear stained cheeks.

I can't go back its too frightening so I sit huddled trying my hardest to  disappear.

Until the light shines through my widow and the screams soften slightly and I am forced to carry on till the next time I'm back in bed and the voices take over once again...

Life seemed to ****.
The pain seemed so real.
The drugs seemed so easy
To change what I did feel.

At first it seemed to help
To cover up the pain.
But the ******* sound I heard
Was my life, down the drain.

The hole I found myself in
Got deeper by the day.
Hope seemed to fade from me
That help was on the way.

The help I sought and found
Was the “friends” who got me here.
Those who had the ***, the ****,
The drugs and the beer.

The family I once had loved,
Seemed distant from me now.
My love had turned to hate
By the love of drugs somehow.

The hole caved in on me
From a distance I could hear.
“We loved her, Oh so very much”
“We failed her. Somehow my Dear.”

They pulled me from the darkest hole
I, myself, had dug.
And took me into their arms
To rescue me from drug.

The days turned into many weeks.
My head began to clear,
To see the ones who really love me.
My hate was not so near.

A cloud of doubt and guilt rained down
For the things I had done.
Soon love returned to fill my heart
Where once the drugs had won.

Forgiveness came from those who loved,
To me, for the many years.
For the pain and sorrow I had caused
To them, through many tears.

A group of families gathered ’round
With love so great for me.
I soon discovered through the tears
Their abundant love was free.

I felt the love of those who care.
I learned to love again.
To care once more for what I’d lost.
To trust and live within.

When temptation comes to my door
To offer me a high.
Let Love instead answer the knock
And with Serenity say - goodbye!

(9-22-04 added 4 lines)

This story has not ended.
It will continue for a life time.
Life is about decisions we make on a daily basis.
It dictates what we will possibly do tomorrow
based on what we do today.
Life is built on decisions.
The end of the story will be written when
we meet the One who loves us unconditionally.
The One who died on the Cross for us.
(2-22-04)

Love triumphs over adversity when God is in it.
“Never give up” must be the words to live by.
Progress is made even when there are two steps
forward and one step back.
Thank God for the progress.
Hope lives on in the hearts of those who trust Him.
(2-8-06)

All is well. Just a few rough edges to smooth out. Hope lives on. Never give up.
(6-29-18)