Jesska: Poems

Jesska Jun 2014

I created a black hole in my mind
It was a receptacle for all of the negative energy
The outside world pushing in.
It was where I kept the slanderous words about my sanity
Where I kept
the I hate you(s)
the you'll never(s)
the you cannot(s)
and the you will fail(s)
all told by my outside world

I begged all,
please don't tell me what I can do
and please don't tell me what to think
PLEASE
DON'T
TELL
ME
HOW
TO
BE
ME
...

don't assume where I am going
or where I need to be.

Shall I push all of this into one ultimate singularity?
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

On the other end I created a white hole
It is a safe haven for positive energy
It is my inner feelings pushing out
It is where I keep my freedom and peace of mind
Where I keep
the I love you's
the forevermore(s)
the you are capable(s)
and the you will succeed(s)
all created by my inner-self

I freed myself
I listen to myself
I think my own thoughts.
I
DECIDE
HOW
TO
BE
ME
...
I don't know where I am going
or where I need to be

But one thing is for certain....
I AM FREE

blah SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL! please give me criticism is necessary. Thank you.
I'm trying to deal with what other people need from me vs what I feel is best for me :)

#love #self #freedom #pity #win #overcoming #fail #blackhole #stigima #whitehole

Mourning for emotional ghosts.

Jesska Jun 2014

Mourning for emotional ghosts.

You hid yourself from me
Details were unknown...
Except the obvious details
everyone knows
your job
where you live
what you listen to

I was supposed to be the one
you wanted to share with.

You tricked me into believing that
you wanted me involved in your life.

I hear others talk about you
and I feel like
I NEVER knew you.

The person I knew was gentle
he was patient
understanding
sensitive
and genuinely cared,
shy and reserved
and the right amount of fun

I hear the things you have to say
They don't sound like you at all.
So I fight.

Angry words you will never hear from me
Just from those who listened

It fits. You were too busy to talk
face
to
face

I can no longer be in love
with someone who isn't real

You showed me something other than yourself
A ghost is who I fell in love with.

I can no longer tend to a broken heart
caused by fake realities
I can no longer cry
for those who never existed

I can cry for the pain of trickery,
for being so blind
but not for a ghost.
Not anymore.

(written 2012) I wrote this after a breakup like most sappy poets do. At the time I was in a battle between what my heart felt and what my mind thought. Everything was roses and sunshine until the breakup ( like most) This was my way of dealing with all of the confused pain.

#love #broken #dying #heart #pain #could #you #unrequited #how

Telepathic Space

Jesska Jul 2014

Telepathic Space

The words that can't be said,
Just feelings traveling through non-existent space,
telepathically yelling at you.
Can you read the text in my eyes?
                     Nope
                              I'm trapped
                                                 in silence
                                                                for that I am sorry
My brain say so much to you
                             How is the reception?

I can't say the right loving words.

The bitch inside of me

Jesska Jun 2014

The ***** inside of me

I regret to inform you
that I just don't care.

You were a crutch
and I am sorry.

I stopped stealing your energy
once guilt set in

I came clean.

It is surprising to me,
you still want to be friends

I do not want you
I do not love you
I do not want to be with you

Your feelings are erroneous
You should not love me.

Something inside of me becomes frustrated,
you will never understand my point

I want to continue these tortuous habits
you make me want to beat it out

I feel as if I need to teach you,
the harshness of others

This malice that I bring....
Do you deserve it?
Do you invite it?
Do you need it?

It seems you do
Keep begging for the misery
and I shall deliver.

This is just the ***** inside of me

(written in 2012) I am sorry if this is considered explicit I did read the rules and nothing was said about "bad words" (*****). It is somewhat hateful in a sense that the subject matter is about me using someone for personal gain. In the end though I feel like it expresses the release I have felt from being honest about my short comings. I do ask that if you feel I need to mark this explicit that you let me know before reporting/deleting. Thank you

Typical symbol of rain

Jesska Jun 2014

Typical symbol of rain

The rain is awkward today
it falls straight, in a logical matter
There is no wind to speak of
It feels like the liquid that pours from my eyes
Straight forward
Pained by the standards of others
They do not accept my kind
There is no intersection of understanding
No wind...
It seems to pour as I begin to think
and only stops when I find resolve

It's raining today. (written day of post)

#crying #rain #strength #this #**** #misunderstanding #got #outskirts

Words Mean Things...

Jesska Jun 2014

Words Mean Things...

She didn't know the love he had
She didn't know all the beautiful things he did just for her smile
He worked in a cloak in the dead of night,
Planning a life for the 2 of them
Plans for two mean nothing, when only one knows
How could he say nothing and do so much?
So she is BROKEN and confused while thinking their love was onesided
Her friends knew how he felt.
He talked to them
But no words were given to the one who needed them the most.
Lonely is the heart who loves the emotionally timid
Just talk to me
Tell me the things you can share so easily with everyone else
Just say it
Or else I'll never know.

My way of saying that nothing is too small or insignificant when dealing with the matters of the heart. ALWAYS tell the other how you feel <3

#love #heartbreak #words #unsaid

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