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Jesska Jul 2014
The words that can't be said,
Just feelings traveling through non-existent space,
telepathically yelling at you.
Can you read the text in my eyes?
                     Nope
                              I'm trapped
                                                 in silence
                                                                for that I am sorry
My brain say so much to you
                             How is the reception?
I can't say the right loving words.
Jesska Jun 2014
I created a black hole in my mind
It was a receptacle for all of the  negative energy
The outside world pushing in.
It was where I kept the slanderous words about my sanity
Where I kept
the I hate you(s)
the you'll never(s)
the you cannot(s)
and the you will fail(s)
all told by my outside world

I begged all,
please don't tell me what I can do
and please don't tell me what to think
PLEASE
DON'T
TELL
ME
HOW
TO
BE
ME
...

don't assume where I am going
or where I need to be.

Shall I push all of this into one ultimate singularity?
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

On the other end I created a white hole
It is a safe haven for positive energy
It is my inner feelings pushing out
It is where I keep my freedom and peace of mind
Where I keep
the I love you's
the forevermore(s)
the you are capable(s)
and the you will succeed(s)
all created by my inner-self

I freed myself
I listen to myself
I think my own thoughts.
I
DECIDE
HOW
TO
BE
ME
...
I don't know where I am going
or where I need to be

But one thing is for certain....
I AM FREE
blah SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL! please give me criticism is necessary. Thank you.
I'm trying to deal with what other people need from me vs what I feel is best for me :)
Jesska Jun 2014
I regret to inform you
that I just don't care.

You were a crutch
and I am sorry.

I stopped stealing your energy
once guilt set in

I came clean.

It is surprising to me,
you still want to be friends

I do not want you
I do not love you
I do not want to be with you

Your feelings are erroneous
You should not love me.

Something inside of me becomes frustrated,
you will never understand my point

I want to continue these tortuous habits
you make me want to beat it out

I feel as if I need to teach you,
the harshness of others

This malice that I bring....
Do you deserve it?
Do you invite it?
Do you need it?

It seems you do
Keep begging for the misery
and I shall deliver.

This is just the ***** inside of me
(written in 2012) I am sorry if this is considered explicit I did read the rules and nothing was said about "bad words" (*****). It is somewhat hateful in a sense that the subject matter is about me using someone for personal gain. In the end though I feel like it expresses the release I have felt from being honest about my short comings. I do ask that if you feel I need to mark this explicit that you let me know before reporting/deleting. Thank you
  Jun 2014 Jesska
ME
I don't wanna be in vain
I don't wannabe

Shield yourself
from the arrows
That aim for your heart

Stay true to the cause
Your here now
And time is running out

Don't wanna be in vain
Don't wannabe

All emotion evades me
Can't find the reason
Can't find that love
To believe is treason
Of my heart

Holding on to the
Darkness that roams
Fear of the light
Keeps me searching the night

Facing my fears
Gone towards the light
Holdin' my tears
Your hands on my ears
My hands in the fire
Tears burn
And the liar's right

No one's in sight
On a train to the end
Thats right
Gone with the wind
Alright
Never comprehend
The fear that tied your life
And now your gone

Descend the darkness
That you keep inside
Cloud your vengeance
In a ray of light
Demons shelter the sickness
That grows and won't take flight

Vicious and cunning
You twist my words into something
I never said

Made up assumptions
Stories and conjunctions
The truth is fiction to you
And the lies move on
And the lies stand strong
  Jun 2014 Jesska
Floating under water
dissipated and disillusioned worms eating through the last splinters of the rotting universal wood.

the last transmission of regret sent electronically, spluttered,
into a tissue; in a moment of self indulgent *******.

live showings of vicious execution, transmitted directly from the electromagnetic waves into the alpha waves of the young and naive. Desensitization, the last drops of humanity into complete disengagement.

endlessly recycled bohemian ideologies whispered into the ear of the eager idealist. spreading like fire, before burning out into the uncatchable reverie up with the stars, with all the other reveries, shining bright, intangible.

Instant dismissal from the old man, as the big curtain draws. Cynicism and fragmented past, falling on apathetic eyes, a proud man treat with a padded hand. faux sympathetic tones, blushing cheeks on old bones.

Begging with your body crumbling to dust with the disinterested doc, looking at the clock counting the milliseconds to the paycheck. Decomposing until you can be swept under the perpetual rug with the rest, Vacuum.
  Jun 2014 Jesska
i
she danced
her way through
the dark night,
a soul lost into
the evil darkness,
but she must not
be fooled by the
mask evil wears,
because she is naive
and young and she
doesn't like what
she is becoming
and what the world
has made of her
innocent heart,
she is a prisoner,
trapped into her own
little black world,
but she wants escape,
escape that can only be
provided by suicide.
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