We've talked
I said it
You listened
I held my breath
You sighed
Releasing what I can't believe
You feel the same
Just as confused
But you also have been used
Both bruised from our past
You started crying
It probably wasn't the best response
I smiled
You loved me too
Somehow I already knew
Terrified of what you would say
I almost never said anything
Going on everyday
Pretending I felt nothing
You knew
Too smart for you not to
Now I wonder somedays
If you feel it still
Has it gone away with the time
We share a home now
Three soft children we keep warm
You know I will never cause you harm
We're perfect
They all see it
Telling us
We laugh it away casually
But why are we laughing
It's true
I can see it now
Me and You
It's okay, it's alright
I know you can't be just mine
Is it so wrong for me to say
You can go to them anyway
I'll look the other way
Just come home to me
Say I love you, again.

Facing a dimming light to find my way isn't the best idea
But it's all that I have at the moment.
If I face the other way I may fall out of alignment
Teetering back and forth until I slip off the edge.
Even with the vision tunneling inwards
It seems a better path to run.
For awhile I didn't think there was a difference
Between faking and facing it, neither seems right.
I have it all, the apartment, the best friend, the job
But I wake up in panic not knowing what is wrong.
Closed eyes feel the snow melt on my eyelids
Melting before it sticks to anything.
I wish I could exist as long as a snowflake does
Just long enough to show its beauty then gone.
We don't treat the loss of a flake the same we do ourselves;
Knowing that while it's gone, it'll be back.
Of course it will come with a slightly different look,
With a feeling leaving you just as chilled.
These are silly thoughts of a woman who is falling
Just hoping the land is just as soft.

one night when i was younger
i went to the cabinet
and grabbed what wasnt mine
downed the whole bottle
and swallowed 30 times
laid down on the cold bed frame
left a kiss on my sisters pillow
closed my eyes to sleep
and hoped for no tomorrow
woke up the next evening
not understanding i was still here
no one noticed the day i had missed
no person shed a tear
i continued the next day
as if nothing ever happened
now i continue with a fake happiness
because its a waste of time to be saddened

It's time to quit.
On:
School
Friends
Work
Life in general.
Even all the little things...
On dreams made by really good books
with characters you wish were real
Movies where the set seems warm and cozy
feeling like your actually there
Wishes tossed by coins
into a fountain that never stops
Groups that make you laugh uncontrollably
until your pink faced and lightheaded
Hearing your favorite song play in the background
of a store that only your ears notice
Smiling at your family as they tell you they're proud
from the next best accomplishment
....
All of this will be lost.