I've been on a journey
to the depths of my own
                                            mind.

i didn't like what i

l
e
  a
   r
    n
     e
      d

but i know it was needed.

                          I've been (dis)connected

up, down,up ,down u,p ,down

in (a)n(d) out

blur is what i see.

i know ::myself:: better now

She feels the night air
as her thoughts drift to him,
his touch, his kiss
his warm breath against her skin.
She feels the night air
as sleep takes her away,
to that place of safety and love
within his heart, she stays.
She feels the night air close in around her….

Sometimes every word is a sweet tear falling from her eyes
                                      She feels the night air…..

desire,

i ache to know you,
to watch you approach me like wildfire
and render me helpless because yes—
i wanted this,
exercised my wildest imaginations
against the wishes of religion and morality
on afternoons when there was nothing to do,
drowned every bit of guilt for the thrill
of the world’s secrets i’ve never known.
i want to know how it’s like to need a body other than mine,
to have senses heightened and feelings wild:
you on my skin,
delicate touches as if reading a map,
and when you leave a phantom hand lingers
only to have me ask for just a little bit more.
a little bit more, please.
i want to know how to melt into another,
in limbo between lust and love
not being able to tell which is heaven and which is hell.
i want to know desire,
to, for once, feed what my body yearns to feel
and to no longer put out
the secret fire that burns in my chest.

This is a letter to the mother i lost way too soon.
This is for the mother i can only see when i look up to the moon.
I can’t breathe without you, how could you leave me?
I thought i was prepared for the worst case scenario, but this is nothing like i thought it would be
I am dying a little more with every breath i take.
I don’t know how long i can stay alive, i've only lasted this long for your safe.

A letter written to someone hidden in the stars
A letter to a mother who caused me the most scars
A letter i will never be able to send.
A heart so broken i'm not sure it will mend.
I lost my soul when you went into the arms of the angels, leaving me alone.
I didn’t think i could hurt this deep or this much, but i can feel it down to my bone

I am 19 and i don’t know how to live without my mom and dad
I hate it when everyone tells me it is okay to be sad
I am not sad, i am not grieving, i am dying and no one can see it.
I wonder if anyone would even care if i just didn’t fit…
Didn’t fit into this puzzle they call life,
Because when you died i lost my smile, and now all the pain i feel is being stabbed with a knife

A letter i write you will never see
A letter i write because the pain is just too much for me.
A letter baring my soul to anyone who will listen to the pain
A letter to make sure i don’t lose it all and go insane.
This letter is written as tears stream down my puffy red cheeks
Because as i write this letter life slowly leaks…

I am lost in a world full of people who have no idea how close to the edge i am
They think i am surviving, and moving on… then wham!
It hits me again, when i want to dial your number and know there won't be anyone on the line
It hits me hard when i realize i will never be fine
I have tried my best to keep from doing what i know would cause more pain
But it’s too late to keep the thought out of my brain

A letter to anyone who will listen to a broken girls final plea
A letter written, because soon i will give in and no longer be me
A letter to say im sorry for anyone who will be hurt.
A letter to let you know i am okay with being buried in the dirt.
A letter to write my final goodbye,
A letter to write, you have no right to cry.

Don't call me beautiful,
Or say I shine like a star.
I am a constellation made up of some horrible parts.
I am a disaster supported by weakened knees,
I am the road rage you feel on a Friday night.
I am the raw pain of loneliness and heartache,
That will keep you up in a fright.
But don't let me scare you,
Don't hide in fear.
Keep me close,
I can show you the good,
less miserable parts.
I am also hot water,
That massages your lungs.
I am the serenity you feel whilst reading a book.
I am the blissful silence in the midst of chaos,
I am the delicate nature of humanity.
I am not bad, nor am I good,
I am a mess.
Please don't let it scare you.
Don't cower in fear.
Let me consume you,
Twist my heart around yours.

step outside to morning quiet
No a soul is sight
The world slowly starts to wake
From a long and peaceful night
Color returns to the sky
As the stars go to sleep
This is a picture is my mind I will forever keep
Peaceful morning as cars drive by
It's such a beautiful day I will not lie
As I look up towards the sky
I close my eyes and take a deep breath
How I love morning quiet

Everytime you leave me,
I drown in thoughts and tears.
Everytime you touch me,
I smile, but I still fear.
'Cause what if you'll leave me,
you're doing it,
again.
But what if you'll love me,
my flaws and who I am.
I am afraid that I'll choose wrong.
So I am standing,
in the middle, in between.
I am afraid that you'll leave me,
once you have seen it,
me.