Everything is so black and grey.
I'm surrounded by all the reasons I cannot stay.
I've tried the drugs.
They take me away just for that moment of the day.
The alcohol stimulates me just a hangover in so much more pain.
The pain I feel never goes away.
No matter what I do.
It's always there to stay.
Maybe it is telling me I shouldn't be here today.
I've cried and I've cried with my blood shot tears.
It is hard to say what I will do next.
I'm im so much more pain.
I've overdosed on medication.
I'm surprised.
I should be in the hospital by now.
They would probably ask me too many questions as they examine me.
My body is bruised frome head to toe with cuts of blood here and there.
I'm im so much more pain.
I wish someone was still here to help me through my pain.
Everyone is gone.
They left me behind.
I'm in so much more pain.
I wanna know why I am still here.
All I wish is to go back in time.

(I) decided to visit you

(W)anting to say i miss you
(A)nd to finally try and kiss you
(N)ever knew it could be real
(T)he 2 of us was just a dream

(T)onight will pass through
(O)ur fantasy will become true

(F)ree of what they'll think
(U)niting in your bed we'll link
(C)ream, oils and sweat, i'll be
(K)illing it all night till the end

(Y)ou above me
(O)r me above you
(U)nified under one moon

Words Of Harfouchism

I'd watched the hills drink the last colour of light,
All shapes grow bright and wane on the pale air,
Till down the traitorous east there came the night
And swept the circle of my seeing bare;
Its intimate beauty like a wanton's veil
Tore from the void as from an empty face.
I felt at being's rim all being fail,
And my one body pitted against space.
O heart more frightened than a wild bird's wings
Beating at green, now is no fiery mark
Left on the quiet nothingness of things.
Be self no more against the flooding dark;
There thousandwise, sown in that cloudy blot,
Stars that are worlds look out and see you not.

Stuck and going no where fast
Can't seem to erase it from my past
Why can't I just disappear
I can't escape from here
And this I my biggest fear

Don't want to get worse don't want to get better
It's these things that just don't make sense to me
Drowning in this pain I can't breathe
Save me from the hatred inside of me
Being held against my will.. Or perhaps this is how I want to be

I can't move forward and I can't move back
Doesn't make me happy doesn't make me sad
Am I my own worst enemy?
Am I the cause of this pain I see?
Do I really want to break free?
In my comfort zone, this is my home

The thoughts pile up
Pushing hard against my lips
Trying to find a way to make sense

Don't try to hold my hand (because I'm a jellyfish)
Love is like lightning,
Beautiful from a distance,
But just wait till you're struck by it
Don't try to hold my hand (because I'm a jellyfish)

I found you between touches on screens
through swiping on pocket machines
and I met you in the long shadow of sunset
you smoked a cigar and I a cigarette

We put the stars in our eyes
and found ufos and Russian spies
and gave ourselves to the not knowing
but knowing this wanting to keep going

So at one am we kissed at Chevron
with a smirking cashier looking on
and I did so without a second thought
because, honestly, how could I not?

Smile me a river,
May it capture my dreams.
Carry them down,
Life's rugged streams.
Up and down,
splashing, scurrying
Hanging on by the strength in hope
From a easy flow,to a heavy hurrying.
From the littlest of waves,
To spinning and twirling.
Clench my dreams, carry them through.
All these elements,  to share with you.