When i meant more than sleep,
when you kissed my lips too hard,
when you loved me too deeply,
and held me in your gaze too long,
when we weren't miles away,
you filled me with love,
that was when i was happy.
Now i wait for you to call,
wait to see if i will fit in with your day,
wait to see if i am worth it,
if i deserve the love you used to give,
i wait,
i always wait,
stuck in a never ending phase of purgatory,
this unrequited love i feel for you,
barred by distance,
feeling alone,
knowing you're there,
but feeling lonely.
stop this.
stop my heart from breaking,
go back in time,
to when i was happy.

turn back the clock.
erase time
memories
hurt
loss
love
anxiety
everything.
all of the above.
all except you,
and me,
i would do it for you,
i will do it for you.
i have no option to love you,
no choice to feel this pull to be with you,
so i fall.

He steps back,
His heel knocking the bottle,
It wobbles,
And tumbles over.
He does not turn around,
He does not notice.
So it lays there.
Spilling it's contents,
Until it is empty,
No one picks it up,
Sets it right again,
It is empty.
No one will drink from it again,
Because it is contaminated,
Touches the ground,
Left behind.

But I say love those who have felt
Crushing pain,
Agonizing desire,
And utter defeat.
Pick up the fallen,
Because they have lived the most,
They will know how to love,
They will know how to thrive.
After all,
Survival of the fittest,
Is it not?

Liquid night, bottled and priced
3 shots of love and a dime bag
kerosene nostrils and white collared lies
this demon is a shadow
follows close when the sun is up
surrounds me under the moonlight
too much gunplay and valentines
I am no rose cheeked cherub
but still gripping at the sunset
waiting for its return
amongst other one way plane tickets

It washes over me,
like a cool fall breeze,
a breath of fresh air,
and I am free.
I no longer feel tethered to you,
caged in my love for you,
I am okay
I am happy,
because he makes me smile,
because I can smile.

Why did I love you?
when all you did was make me hurt?
Make me cry?
He makes me laugh.
He lightens my heart.
You weighed me down,
but not anymore.
You left me
empty,
or so I thought,
but now I am full
of laughter,
of happiness,
of peace.

You don't control me,
you never will,
you chose your path,
and I can choose mine,
and I choose to live for me,
not for him,
and certainly not for you,
for myself.
I choose to leave you,
I choose to give up on you,
and that my friend,
*has set me free

I do not have all of you,
merely a piece of a complicated puzzle.
The jigsaw of our relationship,
still missing a piece.
You cannot love me as you think you do,
no one can,
that is clear to me.
So I will wait,
for the fog to clear,
for you to see
that I am just temporary,
a girl you use before you find the real thing.
I am just a test,
the pool you dip your toe into,
before diving in headfirst.
I am not that girl.
I will never be that girl.
I am solely temporary.
Forever *temporary

Your love enveloped me
in a suffocating embrace,
it terrified me,
i couldn't believe someone could love me,
as you did,
the distance threatened me,
it tapped my shoulder,
told me to escape,
so I listened
But it was wrong,
or so i thought,
I could've done it,
but you were already gone,
the distance overtook you,
intoxicated you with freedom,
filled you with independence,
and you are gone.
I am the one left wondering,
what switch was flipped?
What part snapped?
I will never know,
if it was her who entranced you,
or I who drove you away...
but you are gone,
and so am I,
and I will be okay.