I am 1,000 pounds,
weighed down by memories,
by crushing defeat,
by failure,
by loss,
by regret...
yet I am weightless,
empty,
a trophy in a dusty case,
my varnish dim,
no longer new,
no longer shiny,
I struggle to stay afloat,
but I am still swimming,
because I see the lighthouse,
tall and shining.
a gleam of light beckoning from it's highest point,
come to me
swim to me
I am the way out
and so I tread.

it numbs my chest,
burns in my heart.
how will i succeed?
what if i don't?
I crave you,
with every part of my being,
my mind,
a projector of memories,
my heart,
waiting to be filled by your love,
an empty cup.
i am a beggar at your door,
old and worn,
weathered from the storm,
but hear me,
see me,
love me
please,
do not shut the door.

i will wait,
i will fight,
but i will not let go,
i can't.
for i love you too deeply,
i love you too much,
scare me,
hurt me,
break me,
lose me,
i am still here,
loving you the same.

our lives are all lotteries.
a game of chance,
at best.
we have all succumbed to it,
gambled our freewill away.
to those who haven't,
who are still unchained,
it calls
sit down at the table,
let me deal you a hand
read the fine print
young man,
for once you sit,
you may never leave

you don't get to soar,
while i fall,
into myself,
and collapse.
you can't feel happiness,
because I can't.

only..you can...you will..and you are.

i put you through hell,
yet you still love me...
i opened my heart,
and he chose to leave me...
what is the choice?
what is the comparison?

I choose you.

the one who hasn't left,
despite my many flaws,

people always leave,
but then there's you,
waiting,
like the inevitable twilight left over from a sunset,
or a rainbow after a storm,
not summer or winter,
or a new spring day,
you are fall,
my fall.
a brisk season of comfort.
the vibrant change,
from a neon summer,
that seems endless,
with no change,
the muggy presence hangs in the air,
until fall come to refresh it,
a cool breeze to cool the heat,
to change the leaves,
to change *me