I'm not normal.
I find new words to say,  most are made up
Or I borrow a word or two from a different language
Dash it all,  forbearance, absotively (combo of absolutely and positively) or posilutely
I laugh in public, out loud, of things I say in my mind
Sometimes I talk to myself
I daydream--a world that I would fit in
For now I have made my own,
And maybe one day He will have the courage to pass by
and ask for my address
"Where do you live? "
And I can say
Myself

Just friends.
I don't really grasp the understanding of how you can simply place a heart on a pedestal and never look at it again.
Never mind the dust it may collect or the possibility of malfunction from not being used in so long--that is not the point;
that heart belonged to someone--me.
I stood in front of you, bearing my all, and I told you that I would never walk away no matter what, as long as you carried me with you always.
I would never walk away unless you commanded me
I was your dog, begging for an ounce of love as if it were a shriveled, discarded chunk of pizza crust.  
Truth be told you thought that if you didn't feel the same that you had to pretend so that "I would stay"
"Maybe one day we can be together"
"You are sso special to me"
"I care for you so deeply"
"More than you'll ever know"
"I'm grateful that you are always here for me"
I was always here--until you lied.
Lying to me as you slowly put my heart on a shelf to decay
A heart so ***** and dusty,  who will ever love an unclean heart?  
I loved yours didn't I?
Only now I can't hold on to what was never there, and I have to walk away.
Leave you and your lies to brush up the mess you made,  while I take my heart off the rotting shelf it's sitting on,  get in my car, and drive to an empty restaurant miles away so that I can order a new dish I have never tried,  and start over

I beg inside my soul to have you.
I don't love you.  
I want to feel passion, desire,  and the warmth of another body pressing against me
I could grab any man I wanted, but I want you.
I see your brown hair
let me run my fingers through, just once
Your eyes
soft earth
Your lips
pink lilacs
And all I want is your body
Which is very saddening.
To only want to use someone, then toss them aside like trash
How can you?
And still fall asleep at night without thinking about a face wet with tears
your fault
I simply want to do to you
What you have done
To All the women before me,

The same song as a trickery

I want you to fall in love with me
an instrument meets the music
I want you to hold me close and kiss me, as you share your fears and truths.
a melody plays softly
I want you to believe in love because of me
Think of me,  breathe me,  and miss me when we are not together
accelerato tempo

Until one day you meet me in a corner booth at our favorite restaurant, and I rip your heart to shreds

Look,  I never loved you. I lied.
I used you to get what I want.
You are a pathetic, self-serving dung heap that only thinks about himself. You wooed me, I pretended to like you, so I could dig under your thick facade of masculinity, and discover your sensitive side. I know what you are--man *****--and I enjoyed using you. You can lie to everyone, every woman from this point on, but ten years from now,  when you are married to wife number four and you are waiting for her to come home and she never does,  I want you to crawl into the bed you made and bawl like the whining,  sniveling baby you truly become at night when no one else is around you.  I hope 'lonely' presses you down so hard it hurts to breathe. And maybe then you might turn into a different man or at least your miniscule brain will have an inkling of true heartbreak. Doubtful though--I win.  You lose

Then I get up and walk away from you,  ignoring any pleas and ****** slurs.

*Caesura

Struggling to make ends meet
Not making enough money.
I borrow to pay--pay to borrow again.
Yet I cannot stand people that try to help me, which is ludicrous because we should feel great when one person out of an entire society of rude, disrespectful cretins chooses to offer a hand.
I'm working on it.
So when I scowl when you pay,  or when I don't have enough gas to get back to my house you fill up my tank, it is not because I am a better-than-you woman.
It is because my mother was a single mom raising three kids.  
She busted her behind making ends meet for us so we could stay in the house we grew up in.
I had no TV until I was ten,  and I think I turned out alright thus far....
My mom is my role model.
I try to reach the level she was at making ends meet,  only I never get there,  and I find myself having to rely on a system that I indeed truly hate
I want to be able to pick up the tab when I go out once in a while
It would be marvelous to be able to say, "I got this, " when in reality the only things I really have is cobwebs in my wallet.
I want to be independent and adequate to provide for myself financially
"A gentleman always pays regardless of a date, be it with a friend,  lover,  or family." You smirk.  
I scowl again,  as you again reach for the tab.
This is going to drive me crazy

It's 3am and I am wide awake
I have vicious nightmares at times,
Not horror movie types,
Just ones that I fear the most.
Being buried alive is bad--when it is the one you love it is even worse.
I hear him scooping the dirt in the shovel,  and pouring it on me.
"You really fell for it. All I had to do was pretend that I liked you,  and you fell right in."
He chuckles, as another pile of dirt is added.
Im begging him
"Please,  what do you want?  I'll do whatever you want,  just let me out! "
He chuckles again,  "You say that....they always say that... But you know what?  You lie,  all you women just lie your way into jobs, relationships,  and hell, even in marriage! You think I'm going to suddenly believe you out of all of them?! "
The casket is slightly sinking from all the dirt that is piled on now.
I'm sobbing uncontrollably as I realize my fate.
"I'm different, you said it yourself. When I met you,  you said--"
"Well I lied.  I'm getting pretty good at it.  Practice makes perfect."
I continue to cry, and my one last attempt at freedom--
"I love you. "
He stops shoveling, and with a raggedy breath,
"...What? "
I open my heart for my last plea,
"I give my heart fully to anyone that accepts my quirks and even the weird parts about me.  In the brief time we knew each other,  you laughed at my corny jokes,  smiled at me,  and even wanted to know about me.  So even as I am about to die,  
Why would I lie with my last words?  I might as well say what I truly feel because that is what I do. I fall headfirst in love with someone I barely know,  and that is why I always get heart broken no matter what.  So what I just said I meant it. "
He paused,  then he tosses the shovel down beside the hole,  and he jumps down into my grave,
"Well,  I--
My eyes snap open.
It's 3am and I'm wide awake.