Malia

Malia Oct 2023

It’s like a stone
Being added
To the weight
On your back
And then
And then it just breaks.

It’s like when
As a kid
You would wave
Around the bubble wand
And watch it stretch
And strain
And then
And then it just pops.

It’s like running
Until you can’t anymore
Until you’re on
The side of the road
And you can’t breathe
Because knives
Are slicing
Into your lungs.

It’s laying on your bed
Never wanting to get up.

It’s this.

#overwhelmed #anxiety #panic #exhaustion

Malia Oct 2023

please, just something, anything

I am surprised
That I
Don’t make whirring sounds
Like a computer come to life
Because I
Didn’t see my life
Flash before my eyes
When we crashed and
I haven’t cried
At all and I know
That I should’ve that I should’ve that I should’ve
Been scared but I just can’t feel
Anything and that scares me
Most of all.

𝘐’𝘮 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴
𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘢𝘯
𝘊𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴
𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴
𝘈𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥
𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴.

#crash #empty #emotion #desperate

Oct 2023

irinia

just to

we fall, we run, we chase, we hide
make plans and make believes
we force our roots to ignore the cycles of decay
we fill our bodies with rush and dismay
we love and we are ready to die all
the symbolic deaths that ignore the traffic lights
just to just to just to just to
avoid the unbearable pain of being alive

#life #pain #unbearable #decay #rush

Malia Oct 2023

buried

In the past
People used my past to control me
But I’m past that so I smack back
What they told me.
Try to hold me back
But you can’t tack a label
On a fable, I’m a legend
Even if you say I’m unstable.
If in competition, they done lost to me
Take a shot at me, you intelligence apostasy.

Mockingly, they call me an oddity
Probably a product of my comedy
Step back, laugh, then step on me,
See, free entertainment for the public glee!
“Gee, why the negativity?” they say to me
But I am not listening, glistening
In my eyes, but it ain’t tears
Fears, I forgot ‘em, buried ‘em last year.

Originally a rap, but poetic enough to put on here

#rap #oddity #resilience #resistance

Malia Oct 2023

Gold

I’d tear myself apart
Just to figure out what’s inside
Am I
Out of my mind?

Can I
Take it back
Cover my cracks
And be anew?
Can I
Rewrite my song
And just belong
To who I wish to be?

If I changed all my choices
Back from when I used to be young
Who would I become?

I’m not sure I want to be who
I am, right now.
If I fall, should I stay down?

Fall, then fill it with gold
I say, fall, then fill it with gold
I say, fall, then fill it with gold
Not cracks, just beautiful.

Yes, I
Can take it back
Forgive my cracks
And be anew.
Oh, I’ll
Rewrite my song
And just belong
To who I wish to be.

To who I will soon be.

Originally a song but I omitted the repeated choruses and some parts of the verses

#cracks #gold #rewrite #growth

Malia Oct 2023

nowhere to go

I don’t wanna go home
But I can’t stay here.

I know it’s after hours
But I’ve stared in the mirror
For hours
And I can’t do it anymore.

I don’t wanna go home
But I can’t stay here.

The problems fade away
When you face away from them
For a little while.

I don’t wanna go home
But I can’t stay here.

When there is nowhere to go,
Nowhere to hide,
You will find
That your problems find you.

Song version:

I don’t wanna go home
But I can’t stay here.
It’s getting late
But I hate the tears.

I don’t wanna go home
But I can’t stay here.
I know that it’s trouble
To not face your fears.

But I can’t.

Not today.

When the problems stack up,
I just put them away.

I don’t wanna go home
But I can’t stay here.
It’s getting late
But I hate the tears.

I don’t wanna go home
But I can’t stay here.
I know that it’s trouble
To not face your fears.

Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah

I don’t wanna go home,
But I can’t stay here.
When the day grows short
The night always appears.

I don’t wanna go home,
But I can’t stay here.
I’ve walked the long road
And the end isn’t near.

#home #problems #avoidance