If I told you my truths you’d run a mile
I’d be left feeling empty all the while
The truth about me is plain to see
For those interested in me.
I am what I am,
I feel what I feel
And I think what I think.
Do you really want to know?
Or is this just another attempt to feign care?
Do you really just want my attention?
Instead of my love and affection?
Do you know me?
I mean the real me, not just my outward facade?
Do you want to feel me?
Or do you just want me to feel you?
Am I really the monster I think I am?

Between you and I
There has been pain and struggle.
You say hurtful things but think I live in a bubble.
You run to him with your lies and expect me to accept it.
It hurts my feelings, it cuts me deep.
But nonetheless I try my best to provide you with what you need.
You need love and I give it in spades.
You need support and I hold it up like atlas.
You need consistency and I make sure that I remain unchanged.
But no matter what you still run to him.
You tell him lies about me to make home like you.
He’s your dad, I’d never get in the way of that.
But I love you kid, surely you know that?
I tell you my feelings don’t matter but really they do.
Every time you do this it cuts me in two.
But still you expect unwavering support.
He picks you up and drops you whenever it suits,
But still you insist on cutting me in two.

There are times in life when we all change
Nobody is born then stays the same.
Every single moment of every single day brings its own engine of change.
Who you are today is not the same as who your were yesterday.
Why fear change when it’s the only constant in your life?
Why fear difference when it’s the only thing we have in common in life?
Embrace the change,
Try not to stay the same.
Because the effort alone will drive you insane.
Constantly fighting the change will drive those you love away
And you’ll be left wondering why everyone changed.

They look at me,
It’s like they think I know.
They ask me for direction,
As if I know where to go.
I try my best to provide it,
But there is no way to hide it.
The fact that I just don’t have a clue.
So don’t look to me,
I don’t know what to do.
Don’t ask me,
I’ve nothing to tell you.
Don’t pray to me,
I have no way to save you.

One day I may be made to pay.
To pay for the crimes of my past
To pay for all the pieces of broken heart
To pay for it all.
If I could travel through time and change the past I would.
I would repair and repay all the damage that I caused.
I would undo all the destruction
And bring order to the chaos
Unfortunately I am unable to travel back in time,
Instead I am just waiting.
Waiting for the day they come and take me
For the day I have to give retribution
For the day I have to forfeit my own life
For the day I get what I’m owed
For the day you get what you need
On that day it will be the end of me.

I came into your life ten years ago and for the longest time you just didn’t want to know.
I understood your feelings, but still it caused me pain.
On the day I entered your life, I changed what I am.
No more being selfish, time to be a better man.
For you deserved more than the life had gave you.

You were separated from your mother, by a cold and evil hand.
All I could do was watch, and weep where I stand.
All the while you hated me, and so you took a stand.
I wanted to be there for you, to support you, and to hold your hand.
They all told lies to you, about who and what I am.
So for your hatred, I get it, I truly understand.
In recent times you have grown into the finest young lady I know in all the land.
In recent times I’ve tried to show you, and make you understand,
Just who, what and why I am the way I am.
I feel we have grown closer, but that may just be where I stand.
I hope you grow to love me, and respect who I am.
But if you don’t, I get it, I truly understand.

I will always be where you need me, no matter where you stand.
Because to me you are my daughter, I hope you understand.
I had no part in making you, because I’m not your real dad.
If I was your father maybe a better life would be had.
Maybe not for you, but definitely for me.
These people tried to separate us and prevent us from this bond.
But no matter the circumstances, for you I will always try to be strong.
It brings me joy to see you succeed,
It tears me apart when I hear you weep.
I just hope that one day you’ll want to come to me.

Should I listen to this devil that lives within?
Should I let my anger out? Or should I hold it in?
All these thoughts and feelings are making my head ring.
I’d love an easy ride, to feel free enough to sing.
But instead I am stuck with this devil inside me, battling.
It’s a war of attrition, one that no matter what nobody can win.
It’s a terrible position that we all find ourselves in.
You run the race wrong when you enter to win.
It’s time to change tactics, you can’t possibly sustain and survive the sprint.