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I'm fat.
I'm weird.
I'm annoying.
I'm not pretty.
I'm crazy.
I'm obsessive.
I'm a chatter-box.

I've stolen things.
I lie.
I've lied to my parents.
I've lied to my friends.
I've lied about myself.
I've lied to myself.

I'm pathetic.

I wish that I could be a butterfly,
just pop into a little cocoon and transform.
And come out a brand new creation.

The old me tossed into a recycling bin,
and changed into something better.

Maybe...
                               One Day.

Think about it.
No one really like caterpillars.

They're fat and fuzzy.. like me.

But....
What if I'm already a butterfly?

Maybe I'm still in my caterpillar form,
waiting for the right time to change,
But I'll change!

I won't be a leftover.
And I won't be forgotten.

People will really see me for once,
and I won't be ghosting through crowds.

But until that day...
I have to accept me, for me.
This is how I feel, and it's an edited version of a poem I wrote a few years back.
I love the way you move
I love the way you walk
There is a certain grace about you
In the air that surrounds you
Even in how you talk

Your smile lights up a room
Your touch makes my heart
Burn with desire

Just being in your presence
Is time well spent
Feeling that my heart is safe
In your hands
Is priceless

You are the source
Of so much inspiration
It's difficult to explain
You make me want to better myself
Because you deserve the best man
That I can be

You "get" me
And I "get" you
I've never felt more
Understood or appreciated
For just being myself

You make me feel thankful
And I don't take that for granted

I love the way you move
I need a muse
I think I blew a fuse
I can't think of what to write
I'm all out of ideas
I cant get it right
Iv lost this fight
Going through it all
Hoping I won't fall
I finally think I may win
Love is unkind that we all know
It is unkind and delivers a hard blow
It scatters our heart to where it needs mending,
Because we all know it wasn't meant for bending,

Love can be cruel like death
It'll rip your heart out and leave you without a breath,
But love can be kind
If and when you open your mind

It can lift you up when you are down
It can even turn your life around
Lets you see what wasn't all there
And opens your heart and teaches you to share

Love is sometimes unfair and unjust
But to that we must learn to adjust
And in the we all play the game
And so.etimes we even all experience it the same
H- Hardly having any friend.
A- Always putting others before myself.
L- Loner.
E- Empty is sometimes how I feel.
Y- You wouldn't even notice me if I passed by
After the door shuts and the footsteps die
the truth comes out that I wish to hide
skeletons stack up and gather in my closet
pulling the truth out of a tight lipped pocket

Closing my eyes wishing it all away
wishing I could run instead of stay
I hide and hide my feelings from you
hoping you have the same feelings too

I open the door and there you are
my own personal shining star
you don't have to be anything to gain my love
your love is as pure as a dove

Stealing my heart with all you are
I wish this love to go very far
but you took my love
and gave it a huge shove

Tearing it to all kinds of shred
making me feel buried and dead
I take the pieces left and run
feels like you shattered my heart with a gun

Sitting in my own puddle of tears
reminiscing all of our greatest years
The damage is now over and done
trying now to make again myself one
 Feb 2016 Grey water Piggie
niamh
I will not bow down
To defeat.
I storm ahead and
Won't retreat.
I am the captain
Of this fleet.

The storms may rage
Beneath my feet,
But in this race
I will compete.
I will not bow down
To defeat.
Reposting for the first time as this is very relevant to me right now **
Someday I'll pack my bags
and just disappear.
I'd make sure to leave a note
so my loved ones will not come to tears.

But I won't tell them where I'm going
because I don't want anyone to know.
I need to go some place relaxing,
some place where my anxiety won't show.

I often dream all day, here and there,
about sailing the ocean,
despite my aquatic fear.

Something about the ocean,
and sailing
puts me at ease.
Maybe it's the openness,
I've lived most of my life surrounded by the trees.

Or maybe its the soothing sound of the waves
crashing, and splashing.
I'd take a few beers, a book, and I'd be straight relaxing.

I just want to FINALLY feel free!
I'm done with this crippling depression.
It's kind of funny how I'm supposed be my own person,
yet I'm chained to self oppression.
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