I want to explore
but not the kind that
comes to mind (hiking, mountains, and wilderness)
I want a different adventure
I wish to navigate myself to the depths of your mind
I long to understand your thoughts
and how you think
I want to know if you are scared of death
or if you're afraid of what life will throw at you
I want to know the things that make you weak in the knees
even if the mention of them make you collapse
because I will hold you when you fall
I want to know what makes your stomach turn
and your heart pound
You are what I wish to explore

Do you know what its like to watch a man die?
to watch the blood spill from his head
like when you turn the faucet on to wash your hands
before you go to eat dinner
Do you know what its like to helplessly watch a man die?
as he is gasping for breath
while you breathe in fresh air
unable to share
Do you know what its like to wait for the police to arrive?
how deafening, terrifying that wait is
its like when someone tells you news that's so devastating you don't even think to cry you're just stuck in a transfix

They say you feel sympathy for others when you do not understand
but this was so much more than sympathy
more than the fact that I was beyond devastated
I feel as if I should have been that man
and I felt guilty that all I could do was scream and sit there with him
while I felt his soul leave his body

Do you know what its like to watch a man die?
because I do.