The Tongue does flips
The Truth Leaks out
As it begins to drip
The Ink sees all
Its The Memory
That shows it all
No longer a need
A reason to bleed
This feeling that has
A whispering call
Begging
To be place in a book
Or to be read
Here. Just have a look
To engrave
In the mind
To create
A page
Of emotions
To engite
A flame in a heart
To paint art on each others hearts
That is where it
Always starts

My heart it searches
My breath is signs
My mind it wonders
My life is needs
The love of another
Is my desire
To fill me with warm and
Make me dive right in
To the matters of the hearts
The big loving parts
The wide smiles
The tight hugs
The wet kisses
Mmm the feeling of love jjust a matter of time and
My life will start
Jump start this
Thing
Make it my way
To know
He loves me
Just the right ways
And always n forever
Stay
That is a beautiful thing
To be wanted
Oh yay

To kiss his lips
To run my fingers
From his neck &
Chest

Oh how I daydream

Be brave
Live on the edge
Breathe deep
Scream loud
Be you!

Broken homes
And shattered lives
Sorrow roams thick
In many of our own lives
Some people hearts
Mend
Others stay hollow
Emptiness
Resides

Broken homes
And shattered lives
Sorrow roams thick
In many of our own lives
Some people hearts
Mend
Others stay hollow
Emptiness
Resides

Every night you are cuddling with a shadow
that lies there somewhere in between your
memory and reality...
Every night you are cuddling with a shadow
and there is no one to hold you,to embrace
you,to put their feet between yours..
Every night you are cuddling with a shadow
there is no easing out of this pain,you
will get through it,but I know you will
be forever cuddling with a shadow

beauty is a selfless being,
she seldomly sees herself such, wondering what the world must think, she traps herself in her books reading and writing keeps her hooked.

The Beast does paces back and forth in his castle.
He has locked himself in a creature in a cage or if the world seen him they would laugh in his face or be frightened and run away.
He keeps himself hidden.
He wasn't always an ugly Beast.

There was a witch she cursed him
A magical Rose this truth the fact that you must find true love
Before the last petal or he will be be trapped as an ugly beast for all eternity..

He thinks to himself how could it be how will she fall in love with me I'm just an ugly beast she'll be fearful of me and run the other way
Beauty ..

Abstract shapes displayed on walls
It seems it will consume each person
Lock our voices in a box
You won't find what we look for
Outside in the open
Rather inside someone's heart

That's one look from his eyes
you're hypnotized
More than your lips could muster wish that your lips was totally press against buying in silence our tongues intertwine electric shock waves tingle and dance through my lips into yours hearts race bodies crave more starving for affection Blissful and pure ripping your clothes off as we explore

Sitting against a wall
Beginning to rise and fall
Fill to the very tip must not be wasteful do not let it drip

Quickly quickly must find vein insert inject relieve the pain life feel the sadness wells up . my tears are most the time trap for years tucked down deep inside for the monsters outside  can't get in my head. the Visions multiply stealing my memories instead so yes it's the truth I do agree and do a shot after another shot so I can be free to drowned out this hate have for myself **** every inch of my life away so I can live and breathe without the pain but am I broken or am I insane

I'm sitting here thinking about my life as my homies take it turned shooting dope.

This addiction is bad
This injection will change your life is everything and nothing as well as unexplainable it's like being stabbed with a knife a million time.

A very my whole body inside and out I want to end it so bad it makes my mind feels so much doubt losing my mind losing control this specific drug
is the worst of its kind

Easily sedated thoughts trapped in a collapsing world of overdosed reality.
It all begins when I inject myself with the drug with my needle too intense to notice I'm just heading into a vacant empty Hollow world.
The pleasure exploded into my bloodstream the magic feeling of translations for goals of energy are floating through the air come alive or maybe I think I am mostly a choice only God decided the numerous days return 2 weeks not sure what I'm doing some weeks my habit gets sporadic spontaneously I lose myself in this hell
Demonic love for this drug
I'm weakling I misplaced my reality hoping for a better tomorrow I gave myself away lost my hopes and dreams disappeared into this drug now I will be haunted forever by the memory of what I could have choice but didn't .

I never fear the monsters under my bed the ones Under the Stairs or the ones in the closet . The fear I'm willing to deal with is the monsters in my head you see they eat at me causing me grief.

Yes it's undenying the truth is underlining the monster is actually me I have had this piece and it's crazy have it deep down in my gut to only come free the day is turn the night that is when my monster Feeds greedily and selfish.

It does not give me seconds rest blow leaves totally my monster consumes my soul my memories my skills my love my personality will be stopping when you're reaching the point of no return.

My depression kicks in there as well until night falls again seems that my darkness that covers my soul was always trying to swallow up what is left of my memories I having trouble putting the puzzles together form a picture that is complete my special memories the very precious ones to me the ones that don't seem to matter much to anybody else but they are my life he seemed to dissolve with every dose of amphetamines that I inject into myself brings me one step closer to forgetting everything

Your gentle eyes
            Soft smile
      Caressing hands
         The daydream
       My instant bliss
My own Personal drug!

So ****** off
I know you
Don't even care
Im so messes up
Filled with despair
I seem to look for sadness
Its everywhere around
in my heart,mind and Veins
Madness a ever sinking ship
Empty heart
Broken soul
****** off in so many ways
unsure about what to do uncomfortable
Unhealthy
Unhappy
In this Darkness
That torn me down
waves of defeat increase
A Weird phase
As a Creepy grin crosses your evil face
It Cuts me deep
Im not the same anymore
My Tormented life
Scarred n bruised Im disgust my
By my  brain.

my pen writes a few lines
But the words don't come out,
Giving meaning to my thoughts.
My mind gets warped and my thoughts,
Just can't keep up with the ideas that I get.
I think of everything and nothing at all,
As if my head is in a free fall.
No matter how hard I try to concentrate,
The mist in my mind, I can't penetrate.
I close my eyes and try to meditate,
But the emptiness, just doesn't abate.
I give up, maybe some other day,
The mist will clear and show me the way.
I glance through the lines on the page,
And sense they do convey a message.
In the end I am all smiles,
Like ending a journey of endless miles.
Thoughtless words, meaningful lines
Wisdom writes my life

The silence weighs heavy on both of them
He still loves her and she loves him
They once thought they could tame the wind
Now it's a struggle to just be friends
They still go to sleep together every night
But they're no longer holding on tight
Their passion was of a strong desire
Now just watching the embers of a once roaring fire
She lays awake and silently cries herself to sleep
And he lays awake with a pain that is deep
They both hold on despite the way they feel
Trying to make believe that it isn't real
They do nothing but watch love fade
No longer the queen of hearts no longer the ace of spades
They sit in silence with their hearts twisting in the wind
Trying to find away to put the pieces back again
Both wonder if they've reached loves end
No longer lovers and no longer friends
They wonder if that's the way love goes
And now with that distance they seem more like foes

My fire within started in my teens,
The rage of some kids
Bullying me..
It started a flame.
That ignited a blaze
No I could not win..
So I began to fight
I was afraid..
Which filled me with hate.
Not sure whether or not
I would really be okay
It started a battle not with
the kids but the fuel in me
I could not resist..
I started to cut then it became a must for everything that went abust
I consumed this lust for my own blood
Which I felt like a battle around..me that stopped the inner pain
What is this I really gained?
That started to mock me
So I began to lock myself into my room
With a knife and a blaze
I lashed at the wounds
My abuse to myself
Was a relief to my mind
But to the outsider nothing but a crime..

Once people saw my shirt covered by blood
They ask me about it
Not knowing I'd run
To the top of the town
Where that water well was
To sit in my secret place and sink into my thoughts and feelings
There was the reason for me to believe

My cutting wasn't attention to gain but a access to myself to exit my pain ...
So bullying prevention is a must have thing

To keep other kids from going insane....

By Anna Marie Rose Howard
2/6/2016

**** it throbs
My ***** gets moist.
Oh how I wish
To get eaten tonight

My desire is high my thoughts
Array
My hopes of pleasure
Makes me sway

******* are like fine wine
As you start to make me
Grind
My hips are bucking my back goes arched
I start to squirm
My *** now explodes
My juices now drip down your face

You look up at me and say
My goddess how I love your taste
May I have the honor of pleasuring you in every way
Why sure thing my dream guy

Oh how I crave your tongue
I know you want some
Come on do your thing
My how I love this game.

In counseling I wrote a poem
It was a letter to my mom .. Whose if you don't know
Died 4/14/01
  

My mom

Mothers are suppose to be their when their babies need them.

Where were you when I. Needed you ..
Have you forgotten you had children?
Where am I suppose to go.. Who am I suppose to turn to when Im feeling weak when I need my mommy..
I remember your smell
The comfort my head laying on your chest and your fingers in my hair.
Emily and I in the backseat. . you driving. All of us singing loud and full of joy to some country song.
I was 14 when you  died
I need you so bad sometimes

I cry alot .. I lashed out .. I hated you for leaving me .
How is it that I end up being the only kid with no family. .
Treatment for the kid who can't handle her mom dying ..
People wonder why I acted out saying you need to stop these anger outbursts ..
****. I doubt anyone stop and thought maybe its normal that Im having a hard time grieving.. Nope
A therapist and 8 kinds of pills for the list of things I must have

Mom you don't know the war in my head the nightmares I felt ..
The darkness that creeper in
The problem child that fat girl that had anger problems gets out of treatment goes to live with grandparents

The kids at school picked on me .. I had no friends
I run home and grabbed a knife and cut my wrist I screamed. Why did you leave me .. Mom where are u

How any I suppose to live without you..

That was 15 yrs ago

Now Im 30
And Im a **** up just like u were ..
At 25 I got to be 500lbs
With a 2 yr old n a 6 month old ..
I chose ****
5 years later

Im sitting here thinking
You chose ****** and was a needle ******. And died at 42..
I love u I forgive u

I messed up .. I had 4 kids . I lost them i became a needle **** ****** that hates herself. .

Im clean now 17 days
Trying to figure out of to go about talking again to your mom...
My grandma.
Haven't talked to her in 2years..
I don't want her to die with out seeing her.

Well mommy. I love you. And say hi to my poppy and Uncle don !

Love Annare

You have got my heart stuck in a moment of bliss,
If my voice doesn't speak
My thoughts they will leak on to bleached paper.
Behind the covers of this spiral notebook lays my hidden secrets and treasures ..
Chained to their pages
These tears are my imprints in my life
Theses very heartstrings are the fibers that keep my soul interacted!

If only there were people
That would counts stars like I dream of sparkling shards! I could dance in puddles of you

My sweet lover
Stop this agony!

Danger danger my gears are grinding
My thoughts are cycling
I know what this means
To knowingly choose to engage
In this thought process is to
Accept defeat and to do that is
Unforgivable

I get on my knees,
Aiming to please,
Look in your eye,
And zip down your fly.

I throw you a smile,
Show you my style,
Your **** I take out,
And open my mouth.

I make like a fiend,
get on with my chore,
Look like a queen,
A ******* machine.

I feel like a glutton,
I over indulge,
Pull back my head,
I wait to get fed.

I close my eyes,
and get a surprise,
My mouth it fills up,
When will it stop!

Time for a treat,
Something to eat,
Your *** I ingest,
Get some on my breast.

Finished my work,
I give you a smirk,
You say Im the best,
Now your obsessed.

Syrup drips slowly off a spoon triggers a memory at the back
Of my mind fills up like boom
I cough and think my god
Its real..
I stand up straight
And realize its fate
My magic filled rig
Turned into a snake
Tries with all its might to bite
But who you really think is gonna win this fight
I been wishing you were feeling better than this
Now you've done
Why like this
Because its such a easy fix
**** you really did it now
Opened up a wound
And won't back down
Rotting your mind
You'll end up in the ground
But what joy I truly feel
X marks the spot
At least I will have my last magic filled night
Before the devil comes
And takes my life

Here is the truth for all to see,
I cant be the mommy my kids need.
Broken down by a battle that haunts me night and day.
Having the courage to give them a better life..  Is the true definition of unconditional love..
Knowing that I cant be the mommy they need is a scary thing .

But letting them have a chance of a
Normal life is
The only thing

I know to do..
Being saddened and depressed is
A reality that may come with this choice.

I just hope that one day my kids will understand and respect this decision
And forgive me for not there..

Know that I love them and will never stop.
Mersadie lynm black your my eldest and i love you so to the moon and back.
Maxwell orion howard my middle one
Mommy loves you so much she is hoping you u will understand
I have weaknesses but I always think of you
and Molly ann cowan my little angel i love you so
..
Your smile will brighten the world
And lastly
Stormee rose
You Are to be born in 39 days
I love you also I hope you know
Giving you to Arial so she can bea mommy is the best gift you get..
Your our littlest miracle
Cant wait to meet you and kiss you so light..
As I hand you to your new mommy
Its a honor to be the reason you all get to be alive .. Each of you are special
And mommy will be here when the day comes to explain and hope You understand the reasons
I couldn't be the mommy you all need..
Unconditional love is what I give to you the chance to become all you can be and grow up to
Be amazing adults!
By Annamarie rose newell
December 9th 2016

There goes my heart strings, there goes the intense pain,
there goes all the things in my life, now just ripped away. There goes our hearts that wanted love, there goes our fights and arguing..
there goes all those restless nights and crying up all nights,
Don't turn your head, and then wish me dead, 
as the promises that break
Were what you once said... So I guess this is the end.
Our biggest mistake

Starting to have feelings
For you
Swear its running throughout my head
Wishing I could cuddle with you in bed ..
Wishing you would grab my hand...
Needing for you to understand.
Longing to have you love me back
To see you need me back
Dreams of making love
Seem to overflow my brain
Cant tell you that because im
So afraid of rejection you see
If i dont tell you
It cant be proved wrong
Tears that have fallen
Dont really have a place
I belong
A game of tug a war
It seems
Jumping up to see what you need
Trusting enough to
Show you my seams
Even if it goes to extremes
Rambling on like a fool
Maybe I am crazy about you
Secrets my friend
We can find comfort again
Easing my mind so I dont
Cry.. Why is it that
Im falling down
To get the fire i need to
Have the desire to feed
Possibility of a future with
You
I hope its true
And im not just walking into
A gap of rejection like
A rat in a trap
*** i think my poem is crap

Doing this alone
Making my world turn upside down .. I got pregnant
Now its been 9 months
Im here at the end
Battle over

Thoughts and decisions
Racing throughout my head
Its bottled up, afraid of releasing these emotions
In fear that i will give in
Washing away my life

A flood of tears making their way down my
Cheeks
Wet puddles pooling on the floor in front of me

Stuck in a rut
Wondering if i will
Ever break free of this curse
Fetal position in a ball
Bawling in a corner
Reluctant to fight


Huge choice
Cant take it back
Wisest thing
I will ever do
Unconditional love
Comes from the strength to
Give them the lives
They deserve
Without being selfish
A path engraved in dirt!

By Anna marie rose
January 1 2017

Im Grateful

**** is my vice

And makes me happy n nice

**** is a seed ..

God made it green

And it feels my needs

Thankfully THERE is ****

And it's legal in my state

Maybe it was fate..

Being blazed is great

Hungrily I ate..

**** is a great taste!

Seems everyone has someone
Seems like they can keep that someone in their life.
Why is it .. I'm alone..
No one wants this body as their own
Why do I cry so much
Missing out on loves true touch.
What is the reason guys want me
But don't want to have me as theirs

My magical place is lost in time
Past mistakes create a rip in the fabric of LIFE.
My tears trickle down my cheeks
My mental state begins to rattle and shake..
A earthquake it seems
Beats my soul down in defeat

Seems I'm just a puzzle piece in this
Scene.
Nothing I can fake
Nothing I can take
My life is junk yard
Where the unwanted things get thrown. .
Seems my life is not really a source
For someone heart to breathe
Just a messed up battlefield
Where unneeded unwanted unnecessary things end up..

(Why is it that I am not good enough
Am I really that bad)

(I took them away from the life they wanted  n needed)

I ruined my babies lives
I ****** up so bad
I don't know where to go
I lost my mind
Now I know
I can't take it back
My world is so black
I wish that I wasn't  so ******* stupid
Like thaf.
I guess that's why I'm so alone
Because I deserve it
I walked down this road
(Mersadie, mawell, molly..
I'm so sorry..
I failed U

So sick and tired

Of all these dudes thinking I'm just meant to be used...and persuaded
I'm a lady and I have a soul
Stop this nonsense I'm no fool
Senseless freaks
Thinking I am that easy-to-use and abuse. . **** that ****
I'm a beautiful woman with a choice to choose
Stop at *******... I'm not there to get your jollies off
I'm not your robot queen
You so often want me to be..
I'm better then those stereotypes
Better then that
I'm freshly changed
A new and improved
Personality so cool
A respect for myself
That you can't understand
I'm not that needle ******
I use to show off as
I'm the caterpillar  now morphed into
A butterfly
My bright and colorful patterns
For all the world to see..
This is the chance for myself to create  a brand-new me..
So ******* all of you weirdos and creeps I'm not so ***** on the street

No need to bleed
No reason to go

Hanging my head in regret
I smear my eyeliner
And quiver as I try to fight the tears that my emotions create.

My heart feels empty
My mind is overflowing
Thoughts of my past
Spill forth
Puddles of tears
Forcing the world to see
What I have buried in my soul for so so long....
Witness my fears
My bare truth

There's a demon in my veins begging to break free
Nothing holding my selfish needs but this biting greed
I'm so doubtful and so weak my mental thoughts can not cope
My willpower has NOthing to  grasp but the lies I often gush to make myself look brave to boast to the world Im greatly cleansed and can do as my friends do
Begin healing and start a new path..
But the curse that gets me every night haunts my life, takes me to the bottom ..
Take grabs my guts and rips and shreds, leaving chaos n decay. Dismantled graves..
Infected sores and mental thorns dragging mystery and mayhem to the onlookers
Showing the truth
Is not a pretty sight nor is my fears and faith in my own morbid core..
Failure and gloom happiness wont boom
Unless I get the guidanceand rehabilitation now
Before I ruin my newest soul my life I carry unseen
To the naked eye
God help me do this right
I crack but can't gain
Disgust

I have been lost in this like place, like I get lose in outer space.. As I walk down this Path .. I hang my head in disgrace.
All broken and crumbled and scratched. I see the fire At the end of the path...it burns brighter and has a evil laugh...
I look Up in wonder ... And see your dark soul bust In to embers amd dance to the floor::
Your the exact reason I now crave for more,

I have this hungry branded in my mind i got to have to ., and i will stand up amd fight .., you keep.me. amused .. Your smile. Makes my smile widen
By Anna Marie Rose Howard March 2016

guilty tears fall as I stare
onto canvas of the past
heart wretching memories
flood my mind.. not sure how to cope with my New found real raw emotion
allowing it to sink into my soul ..not avoiding it or covering it up with poisons
proving to myself... Im actually human.. no reason to run!

Broken, cracked
But slightly intacted
Memories of battles
Still conquers my soul
Forward on new journeys maybe fate
Intuition as seen
Instability become stable indeed I must
Action Now accepted
My step that i now  taken
I am owner of mine thoughts I can feel my face if I believe myself without saying it's too late

Written  by Anna Howard

Lost in this haze,
Going with the flow
But stuck in a maze
One way out
But stuck in this phase
Chaos growls loud but
No strive in my ways

It's so ******* hot
Need to jump into some water
Looking for a treasure chest
Silly me it's a A/c unit and a mason jar of ice water
That right there is the
Solution
Fire and ice
A blissful NIGHT
Stay up until  dark
I'm in the park
By the river..
The moon and the star's will be a sight to see
Summer time breeze
And life in a haze
Im 'really looking  to blaze!!!

16 weeks pregnant
No father just a ***** donor
             .....***
one second LATER
☆BaM☆




**** THIS ****
ITS NOT Fair

Broken world
Government starts being overbearing
As the earth turns


Scary things
Monster
In the REAL WORLD
SECRETS AND LIES
NOTHING IS SECURE
NO DEFENSE

TO BRING A SOUL INTO THIS WORLD

Scares the **** OUT  of me

I am so lonely, so tired of sleeping alone
I want to be wanted, not used and disposed
Sick of feeling like guys only want me to fulfill their needs
Lies and decent
What is the point of trying to find LOVe
When all I seem to find is the ones that
Just need a piece of *** or are wearing a mask
Soon it will all be revealed
Pushed out of their minds didn't even phase them
A waste of time...

Your curls
Your laugh
That smile so sweet
Your heart is huge
And those tiny ties
The way you love
The way you hug
The way you smell
too Presious
Such innocence

I'm so very  sorry ..
I can't be in your life
I made mistakes
I broke your little heart
I need your hugs
I can't seem to breathe
Tears flow down my cheeks
Remembering you
I'm sad it's true
Your six years old
Heart pure  as gold
The love that don't grow old
I miss you everyday in everyway..
March 17th 2015
They took u away for good
Now I'm sad n blue
I hope u know that I still  love you eternally unconditionall
Forever
My sweet angel

Without U my world is blue
My heart is restricted
My eyes are damp
My joy is gone
I'm a broken disgrace.

You were the light in life
The smile on my face the
Beat of my heart
Now all I hAve is this
Pain.

Pain to get up and live another day
Sad and depressed in every single way.
Nothing  is ever going to be the same
I gave up on life in a way.

My purpose in life is gone
My energy to try isn't there
I don't seem to even remotely care
I haven't even brushed my hair.

I miss you smell
I miss watching you sleep
I miss your laugh
And your cute tiny feet.

Why did I lose control
Why do people offer to help
When the truth is their robbing  the innocence of our souls
Signing away their life

I wish I could rewind time
Go back and be more wise
To open my *******  eyes
Only that can't happen
I'm empty inside

I would rather be dead than alive
Being  a mommy  was the only thing  I ever wanted
Now I'm a worthless  piece of garbage
Take me out when u take out the trash
I might as well be thrown out on my ***.

I want to
curl up into a ball
I want to give up on life
And cry.. even  bawl
Throw everything I own at a wall
Disappear and all.

Why do people only use me?