When I was 4 years old I remember having a huge crush on this guy in my kindergarten class. I kept trying to play with him but he didn't want to because I didn't know how to spell the word... "Cat". And in my final act of convincing, he punched me so he could play with the girl next to me who did know how to spell cat.

I was 6 and a half to be exact and I remember coming home to screaming and crying with glass on the floor. "Mom and dad are fighting... Again" I thought. My other siblings had to physically pull them apart (sobbing whilst doing so) so that they wouldn't ****** each other. While my brothers and sisters wondered when my parents lost their happiness, I casually played with my toys wondering if they were ever even happy.  

I was 8 when my older sister told me to never love or get into a relationship because it would just end in smoke and ash and we'd both disappear into the grey clouds acting like nothing ever happened.

I was 10 when I heard the news that after many years of love and loyalty my brother's wife was cheating on him with a military man. All hail America! Am I right?

I was 14 when I picked my sister up... Drunk and in tears. She was vomiting her insides out and I, being worried (and a snoop) asked her what happened. And she slowly replied "he did"

Once she said that I was 5 again. Watching a Disney fairytale and saying "that's not true" as the narrator said "and they lived happily ever after"

I am 16 and I remember seeing your face the other day. And all of I sudden... I was 3 again and a princess wishing upon pumpkins and taking to mice... Believing that I could live happily ever after.

Dear friend,
I wish you could tell me
how am I supposed to speak when I know
my words will never reach your ears again,
how am I supposed to breathe when I know
that I no longer share the air with you,
how am I supposed to listen to anything
when I know my ears will never hear your voice again?

Dear fried, tell me
how am I supposed to wake up every morning
and see the daylight
when I know my eyes will never meet yours again?

How am I supposed to touch anything when I know
that my hands will never again touch your skin?
and tell me,
how am I supposed to feel warm
when your arms will never again be around my body?

Dear friend, please tell me
how am I supposed to let other lips kiss my forehead?

How am I supposed to smell the tulips again
Without remembering how you used to say that
I am like a tulip —beautiful in my simplicity?

Dear friend, please tell me
How could you go
When you promised you would never ever
Leave me?

The Lord sets us free
Free of sin
Free to begin

Yet here we remain
Dwelling in pain
Our purity we stain

But by His grace
Those sins erase
And we return to His embrace

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

She looks in the mirror
At the age on her face
"I wonder what he thinks
of me this way?"

She considers her weight
and the pores on her skin
She thinks out loud
"I don't deserve him."

She picks apart
the woman he loves
Separating her worth
from all that she does
              
He looks in her eyes
and caresses her face
He sees it glowing with love
and full of grace

 The lines on her face
  he views with pride
  Recounting the victories
  each time they've been tried

The weight that she carries
 is that of a mom
 Nothing's too heavy
 She just marches on

These bodies will perish
 and mirrors offer no truth
True love abides
 beyond the corridors of youth

  No, she doesn't deserve me
  Perhaps God can see
  Conceivably, one day
  I'll be as worthy as she