I can pour my heart out to you and all you’ll say back is
“I love you”
But what does that mean?
From my crooked teeth
To my green eyes and big lips
To my freakishly pale skin
To my round stomach
And my ovaries filled with cysts
My beauty puts photoshop to shame
To the next person who says St.Patrick’s day is all about leprechauns and rainbows:
I will grab my ancestors’ immigration papers and beat you over the head with them.
I miss having you around
Because you took away my frown
Even though you’re the cause of it
You crush my soul and bring me to life all in the same conversation
My love, did you know that my sea parts for you?
That I took down all of my walls so you wouldn’t be afraid to come in?
That I stepped down from my throne of anxiety?
That you were the very one that shattered my golden crown of insecurities
Only to then gift me this crystal crown of doubt
That matches my tears
I weep silently and so subtly that you don’t even notice
And even if you did
You wouldn’t care.
Don’t tell me that you love me, I see your garden of lies and the other women that have come to stay in it.
But I’m too afraid to tell you
So I fake a smile as my kingdom is in ruins
We sat in the city library and talked about our classes and politics and corgis and other things
She gave me hugs and I invited her over
And now . . .
I have a crush on a girl
I don’t know how to handle crushes on girls
Because I’ve never had a crush on a girl who also likes girls!
Don’t speak too confidently
They’ll think you’re selfish
Don’t speak too affectionately
They’ll think you’re in love
And God forbid that you be in love
You might as well wear a scarlet A
Don’t be special
Don’t be the same
Don’t you dare cry someone’s name
In this volatile place
Whenever I cry it isn’t obvious.
I’m not loud and I don’t get ugly
I just sit quietly, breathing, my eyes slowly dripping, as I’m thinking
About the things and the people that got me to this point
But most of all, myself.