Even when I try to distance myself from you,
I can't help but try to catch your eye in the hall.
Every flower in the grass makes my fingers ache
to braid them into your hair.
I tear up the flowers I pick before I can do something stupid,
like give them to you.
When I look out my window I see you and I,
running through the woods and over the fields,
laughing with the joy of being alive together.
And in the dead of night I still hear the echo of your voice,
saying "I love you", even when all is silent.

I am tired.
Tired of the rules,
Tired of the demands,
Tired of the orders.

I am ready to leave this mess,
Leave it all behind me.
The stress and the fear,
The lust and the love.
I don't want it anymore.

I need to leave this place,
Go far away, anywhere but here,
Anyone but you.
Even home looks like a haven.

I want to drop everything.
I don't want to care about anything,
Grades, friends, parents, roommates,
And I don't want to care about you.

I want to forget the scent of your perfume,
The sound of your voice,
The touch of your skin against mine.

Worse than my newfound apathy for school,
Than my lack of interest in my friends,
Than the stress this school has given me,
Is my inability to move on without you.

I need to go home, to sleep.
To skateboard and play guitar,
To spend my mornings teaching
And my afternoons reading,
And most of all I need to
Be far, far away from you.

I am selfish.
It seems to me like each day you drift
a little farther from my arms,
but while I lie here alone, missing you,
I must admit to myself that it is really I
who has left. My poor heart, which longs
for your kiss each time you smile,
is pushing you away. I am losing a friend
because I am unable to silence my own desires
whenever you hold my hand. If I was truly
your friend I would be able to stay with you
through every silent storm that passes through us.
I should be able to stand strong by your side,
even when she is there, too.
Obviously, I have failed you as a friend,
and if I can't overcome my own pain for you, how
could I ever be your only one?

Do you know what "lovelust" is?
It's a craving for late night movies and early morning smiles.
It's a want for stolen kisses and borrowed fingers.
It's a hunger for shared secrets and inside jokes.    
It's a desire to know every inch inside and out of someone's being.
It's a yearning to touch and be touched by someone whose love for you burns as bright in their eyes as in yours.
It's the sick-to-the-stomach feeling you get when you picture yourself happy with someone else.
Lovelust is when you look into your friend's eyes and wish you could see more than just your own reflection inside.

I fell asleep on my pen
Once remembering your
Hands onto the page became
Too exhausting.
I awoke to see,
Like a vision from
a beautiful dream, you.
You, across from me
With her
And when you had to go
You finally looked at
Me and said goodnight, darling,
With that look in your eyes,
As if this was my fault

My desire for the feel of your skin on mine
Is so strong I'd do anything for it even
If it meant nothing to you because
Even ottomans can feel your touch but
I know you will never love an ottoman.

I was never
A poet
Until the night you
Taught me the pain
A word
Can bring and now
These words are my only
Defense
And my sharpest
Knives.
My most deadly
Inflictions
Upon my own
Skin
And tonight I bleed out
For you
These words onto
a page
That you will never see

Every space we once occupied
Together
Has turned to ash in my heart now
That you and she are there
Together
While I am here dreaming of you
Alone
I miss the nights I'd find you
Alone
And we could talk about anything
Together
And as long as you have her you
Don't need me so I'll stay away
You can stay with her
Together
And I'll stay here
Alone