I'm a loser

I lose everything

I lost you

lost myself too

am I crazy

why did everyone leave

all my dreams were stars

they died

surrounded by black holes

I lost all the stars to the night sky

I lost the sun too

I'm a loser

So I have rightly survived my ordeal,
and I am much better because of it.
I was at the point of wanting to ****,
luckily, I pulled myself from the pit.
I can now see that true love comes from me.
Seeing life for what it really is,
achieving some independence is key.
Relenting my misery and hate with,
love for today, and hope for tomorrow.
Seeking to spread happiness, love, and care,
in order to cast away my sorrow.
Surpassing the land and walking on air.
In spite of loss I feel somewhat stronger;
I can truly doubt myself no longer.


Or so I thought

I awoke to the crashing sound of thunder,
outside my window, I stared, placed with wonder.
The day was umbral and stormy, with no light in sight.
Cold sensations in the air, something didn’t feel right.
I searched the house, to find my Mom slumped on the floor.
She was crying and she swore that Dad left for that *****.
Emptiness filled me, and my eyes darkened with detest.
My “father” cleaved her heart beating from her chest.

When he left, he abducted something from me.
He robbed my sister’s opportunity at having a good father.
For that, I love him no longer
and hope that when he is dying no one bothers.
He robbed my mother’s peace and love
and left her doubting the realness of above.
I hate such a coward and wish that he could die a thousand deaths;
I pray that his existence would collapse as he loses his last breath.
He ruined our lives and set them in disarray,
fraying our world as soon as he left our driveway.
However, when he departed, he also replaced.
He left my mother with destabilizing depression,
he left my sister with a skepticism of man’s impression,
he left myself with a lack of self, with no exception.

For the one who takes, loses in turn.
For his life, I wish to burn and burn.

Ah, yeah, there it is...
It's been years; too long.
The memory has faded,
But the desire remains.

It's that feeling I've missed;
Such sweet, silent songs,
Such emotions debated,
No more clouds in my brain.

Just a painless, empty bliss.
I can smile, and fantasize,
And feel the warm sun's kiss
As I breathe and close my eyes.

Such a blanket never sewn,
Can bring me this warmth.
Confidence I've never known,
And some feeling of worth.

Finally,  I belong!
I'm here! Can you see me?
Nothing's wrong; not now,
I can just stand here, and BE.

Tonight, when they watch me,
Their eyes open in wonder,
I shall stand and deliver,
And quiver no more.

I am here.  I exist.
And I am not afraid.

Alone, I’m sitting.
A rock in the snow, how fitting.
With a heavy heart, I’m sipping.
I’m falling down and tearing up.
My woes swimming inside my double cup.
With others, I’m still by myself.
I can’t afford to go out with no wealth.
Why am I apart from them? I don’t know.
To a land without snow, I strive to go.
I try and try, but to the truth, I’m denied.
Again and again, I strive for their lies.
And I wonder why as I sit alone.