I walk around this room
With the devil on both shoulders

I stopped taking meds today
Letting my mind run free
Moving too fast
And I can’t catch up

These voices control me
Running circles around my vessel
Taunting me
Screaming at me  
Killing me

Is this was pure insanity feels like
An uncontrollable explosion of infinite stimuli
Endless torment with no solution
  
I need to wake up from this nightmare
before one day I don’t wake up

I tried to **** myself once
With a bottle of pills
And a mind full of voices
Swallowing two dozen
Everything was blurry  
My vision was gone
But my mind was clear
I saw everything I loved
I saw everything I hated
I was face to face with every insecurity
And at the same time
Engulfed in self love

If heaven is real
Then this must be hell
Burning alive in my own head
Awaiting the day
I can live without the agony

Skydiving with no parachute
Thats how I’d describe my depression
Constant anxiety and fear
Freefalling to your own demise
The feeling of pure helplessness
Knowing you are no longer in control

That’s how I feel on a daily basis
Not at the wheel of my own life
Depression escorting me to rock bottom
And trapping me in this loop of fear

Today I bought a gun
To **** the thoughts inside my head

I hate all the things that I love
Things that don’t make any sense
Drugs
Religion
Politics
The list goes on
But out of all these things  
I love you the most