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I do miss you, it's true.

I can't pull myself together.
The situation's kinda dire
And there's no substance
For mending broken hearts
Assuming you could
Even reach that far inside me
Just to see the shade
Match that of a smoker's lungs
And realize a deal with the devil
Is not one you want to break.

I do miss you, it's true,
But I miss us too
And spite destroys the user
Before it even takes its toll
On the corrupted angel's halo
And the being contained within.

Farewell.
Not a legit suicide note, just my mood I guess.
Your possessions, extinct
Your presence, absent
My heart, shriveled
My life, wounded
Our time, finished
Our love, broken
eating a frozen dish
with the moonlight hanging over me
crying silently with the howling wolfs
brave silence sings in the clouds
screaming words ever so quietly
----------------------------
I wrote this last night around 12, but was to tired to post it. And here I am, almost falling asleep.
As a start, you should always project the opposite of what you're actually going to do. If you're going to cut yourself, smile! People will tell you you're the happiest girl they know. If you're going to starve yourself, have desserts. You'll have your mom telling you to stop eating so much. The great thing about people is that, once they see you a certain way, almost nothing will change that.

You can't get lazy though. Always take care of the evidence. I don't mean hide it, because hidden things can still be found. If you need to hide evidence, you've already been too careless. Taking care of the evidence is part of the plan. You can cut your arms, but only in winter, when its normal to wear long sleeves. Switch to your inner thighs for summer, and take care the swimsuits you choose. You'll have to eat dinner with the family, but you can throw away most of your lunch during the school day without anyone noticing.

IF, and I do mean if, someone asks questions, don't panic. Trust that your precautions have protected you. The only thing panic can do is make you defensive and getting defensive is the surest way to get caught. Surprise is better. "Really? Me lose weight? I don't think so. I hadn't noticed it."

The fewer words you say the better. You don't want them hearing something in your voice. Keep your focus on whatever you were doing before, extra points if its your phone. Sometimes all you need is a disinterested shrug for the whole conversation to go away.

IF you get someone who is unusually persistent, still don't panic. Turn to half-truths instead. They sound plausible, and people eat them up. "Oh I would never do anything bad to lose weight. I guess I might've lost a little because we're in season right now." If you're feeling a little irony, thank them for their concern. It'll make them feel good about themselves and the whole thing in general. I doubt you'll ever hear another question from them again.

Just remember this: there is a trade off for everything you do. You have chosen, in order to get away with whatever you're doing, to live the life of a liar. You have sacrificed your innocence, your fun and your conscience to control the truth. The life of a liar is no easy way to live.
*Do you regret it?
I don't condone the use of these tips to harm anyone, except apparently myself
Friends are a lot like
leaves of a tree,
or roots of a tree.

They're in your life for
a few seasons and fly,
or in your life forever...
Maybe this metaphor is why I feel so uprooted anymore...
how does it feel
to spring up
to stop old habits
and gain new
you go through 'phases'
that end up being more than just
phases.

how does it feel
to spring up
to start new things
and give up
you go through 'friends'
who end up being less than
friends.

how does it feel
to spring up
to realize life
doesn't always go your way
you go through looks
that end up being you hating yourself
even more than before

how does it feel
to spring up
and die
and be happy
with this version
of yourself
i m   s o r r y
blue eyes
gradient
marble
beautiful
The numbers.
They shine a small light on a dimming day.
Make my face break out in a smile.

The numbers.
Those **** numbers are the shining moonlight.
Those **** numbers are the suffering sunlight.
Those **** numbers can dim my day to darkness.

Those numbers.

T h o s e    n u m b e r s .
I don't even know anymore.
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