CMXIClement

CMXIClement Sep 2020

Orange County Cruising, and No Rent To Pay.

Florescent lights pierce
my eyelids at five o'clock.
I open them and I squint.
I have to remember to
turn my head when I wake up.

Shuttle leaves at 6 o'clock.
I do not have time to wake.
I lumber to my locker.
Carefully turning the dial.
Careful no one sees the code.

I dress myself lazily.
The coffee here is weak.
If not, then it is day old.
Beggers can't be choosers.
I ready my beach cruiser.

Waiting in line while my breath
forms a bellow of hot
human vapor.  They pull up.
I place my bike on the rack.
I get onto the shuttle.

Fifteen minutes later I
arrive at my shuttle stop.
A five mile ride to work
while the sun bleeds over the
horizon and shines on me.

There was a peace I felt as
I vibed to music on my
way to work.  I felt free then.
Then, arriving at work, I
worked until the ride back there.

As the sun set I waited.
Shuttle pulls up and I place
my bike on the rack.  Back to
the place I wake up squinting.
I can't wait for my bike ride....

OC, I, dont know, I dont care, **** it. Here you go.

#cali #freedom #homeless #love #lost #**** #it

CMXIClement Jun 2020

The Failure of the Mental Foxhole.

Through the tunnel, distant voices.
Through the tunnel, I see them.
Through the tunnel, the shadows strafe.
Through the tunnel, raging noises.

Through this tunnel all danger is funneled... does this keeps me protected and safe?

The inner walls, are drab and dreary.
The inner walls, comprised of the past.
The inner walls, lined with scars and sores.
The inner walls, are tired, weary.

The tunnel is caving? Yes, from pain I was braving from words, actions, and more.

A foxhole, a foxhole, only as good as its structure.
A foxhole, a tunnel, only as good as its shelter.
A tunnel, a defense, only good when intact.
A defense, a defense, will fall when punctured.

This defense mechanism is a curse and will worsen the person it was meant to protect.

This defense, this defense, is a watery grave.
This defense, this foxhole, is filling up fast.
This foxhole, this trap, no longer has purpose.
This trap, this trap, was not meant to save.

#alone #distant #war #deceived #lonely #scared #past #defense #tactics #trying

CMXIClement Jun 2020

For Once

To be captured,
by the radiance in your eyes,
the flow of your hair.

To be enamored by your grace,
to be a guest of honor in your life.
to be a recipient of what makes people love you.

To be a part of your family, and a family for once.
To have a place in your lineage, and a place for once.
To have a place in your heart, and someone's heart for once.

I'm independent, yet I want to be claimed.
I'm my own person, but I want to be owned.
I'm my own man, but I want to be someone's.

#lover #sap #caregiver #lonely #whatever #sappy #how #i #feel

CMXIClement Jun 2020

We Accept it in the Strangest Ways...

Mid-summer breezes..
The scent of freshly cut grass
Death can smell so sweet.

Grass random I do not know let us see