I changed my mind.


.


I’m gonna get an Indian.

I’m gonna get a Chinese.
Take away that takes me away
Small pleasures that sooth my heart

              Special Chow mein
           Special fried rice
        Not so special prawn crackers
But still special to me.

                                 Reminding me of when
I was a boy and I’d scoop up joy in a little edible bowl and glow as the taste hit me as hard as you did when you said you couldn’t give what I gave you back.

                                                          ­  Well I’m
gonna get a chinese tonight, so how about
that.

Like piano in the background you were a soundtrack to my soul, a wormhole to another part of the universe where we could float amongst the stars and stall time as if it was ours. Still. Amongst the vastness of it all. I’d freeze in warmth as my name was called.

Because of her you neglected yourself. Subjected yourself to neglected all else, and now all you have are apologies. She’s gone and you were left with the sorries that need to be told. Worries of being left alone while their tone on the phone is stone cold. Your depression is an excuse they say, unsold. So like a piece of origami you fold in and around yourself till the paper is thin and time turns you old.

You remind me of my mother. I said that to you once, maybe twice. I think I told someone else that before too.. But I can’t remember which one of the many. I said you were like no one else. Like she was like no one else. ‘Perfect’. Now you’re gone from my life. Just like she is. What have I done? You remind me of my mum.